Workout Wisecrack: I love doing crunches: Doritos, popcorn, pretzels...

Funny Fitness Fail: I ran twice today! First, I ran out to get beer and tacos, then I had to run to the restroom.

Q. Why did Satan open a fitness center in Hell?
A. So he could exercise his demons.

Q. What happened when the blonde went on a crash diet?
A. She crashed into two cars and took out a telephone pole!

Q. How do some people curb their appetite?
A. At the drive thru window.

Q. What is the Dr. Doolittle Diet?
A. A fad diet where you talk to the food instead of eating it.

Fitness Point to Ponder: If the guys at the gym call you a big fat loser, is that a dis or a huge compliment?

Q. Why did the frustrated blonde dieter refuse to swallow her pride?
A. 'Cause the last thing she needs right now is even more empty calories. Duh!

Fitness Factoid: Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually the first bodybuilder?

Q. What did the lazy out-of-shape guy get when he quit his diet and fitness program?
A. A-trophy.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Did you get those yoga pants on sale? 'Cause at my place, they're 100% off!

Diet and Fitness Point to Ponder: How can empty calories possibly take up so much space?

Q. Where do green aliens go for a good workout?
A. Planet Fitness.

Q. Why do successful dieters like TV dinners?
A. Because they watch what they eat.

Q. How did the succesful dieter who lost 100 pounds know he was finally the hottest guy at the gym?
A. He had a fever of 102º.

Funny Fitness Failure: I met my ex-wife at the gym, but we just didn't workout.

Q. Why did the fit redneck bodybuilder wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym?
A. To exercise his right to bear arms.

Did you hear about the new gym, Resolutions? They feature workout equipment the first two weeks, and then it's a bar for the rest of the year.

The shy dietician who had to give a speech about going vegetarian was very omnivorous about it.

Q. What do you call it when you blow your diet by eating a whole bag of Doritos?
A. A Snaccident!

Diet and Fitness Point to Ponder: If an apple exercises, is that called a core workout?

If your dog is too fat, then you're not getting enough exercise?

Q. What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?
A. One longs to eat and the other eats too long!

Q. How is the gym like church?
A. No matter what you do all week, you think you can erase it all with one visit.

Q. What is a woman's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A glass of wine in each hand.

Funny Fitness Factoid: Most of the men and women at the gym are working toward one goal: The Perfect Female Body!

Q. What did the newbie at the fitness club say to the female bodybuilder twins?
A. Those really are super sets.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, now it's your turn to spot me, 'cause I spotted you all the way across the room when you walked in.

The Hulk only works out once a year because that's all the gym can take.

Q. How does a physicist exercise at the fitness center?
A. By pumping ion!

Q. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?
A. A beer in each hand.

Q. What kind of fitness workout does an apprentice electrician enjoy most at the gym?
A. Circuit training.

Funny Fitness Failure: I can't help it if I'm lazy. It walks in my family...

Healthy Diet Point to Ponder: How many Skittles equal one serving of fruit?

Gym Pick-Up Line: Do you believe in love at first set? Or, should I curl this barbell another 10 times?

New Gym Visitor: What does this machine do?
Trainer: It's a bench.
New Gym Visitor: Perfect!

Today's Type 2 Fitness Failure: It is so unfortunate that the only thing so many Americans exercise is their freedom of speech.

Fitness Buff Pick-Up Line: Hey there, did you get that body at McDonald's? 'Cause of that Big Mac, my macros are all over the place.

Q. What did the bodybuilder say when his girlfriend dumped him for some other gym rat at the fitness center?
A. I'm feelin' the burn.

Fitting Gym Pick-Up Line: How would you like to go on a long romantic walk, on the treadmill?

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