Oh, just admit it! Valentine's day makes you crabby, too!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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Q. Why is
Orca so hard
to believe?

A. 'Cause he
spins one
whale of a tail.

I hate Valentine's Day! And I'm not even a hermit crab!

Q. Which kind
of toy might
you find in the

A. The doll-fin.

Q. What is a
deal brokered
by the Kraken

Squid pro quo.

Q. Which fish do pirates like the most? A. The Swordfish!

Q. Which
kind of pie
eight forks?

A. The


Sea Animal Jokes, Manatee Humor, Porpoise Puns
Swim along with dolphin laughs, crustacean humor, deep sea creature puns and octopus jokes.

Marine Mammal Jokes, Whale Puns, Mermaid Jokes
(Because Deep Sea Animal Jokes and Aquatic Mammal Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream or Unfathomable!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Shark LOLs, ocean oyster jokes, clammy mollusk humor and crabby puns ahead.
| Marine Mammal Jokes, Deep Sea Animal Humor | Dolphin Jokes, Porpoise Puns | Whale Jokes |
| Octopus Jokes, Squid Puns | Sea Creature Jokes, Shellfsh Puns, Lobster LOLs, Crab Grins | 3 |
| Fish Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Shark Jokes | 2 | Finny Fish Puns | Tropical Fish Jokes, Aquarium Puns |
| Fisherman Jokes, Sport Fishing Puns | High Seas Humor | Maritime Laughs | Seafood Jokes |

Q. What is
the name of
the large
sea mammal sanctuary?

A. Habitat for Huge Manatee.

Q. What does a mermaid smoke? A. Seaweed!

Q. Which
kind of soap
does a
dolphin use?

A. All porpoise

Q. What is the second most popular sea-themed color afterr aquamarine?
A. Hue manatee.

Q. What do you get when you cross a marooned sailor with a sea cow?
A. Humanatee.

Q. What happened after the big sea cow joined the gym with the dolphin trainer?
A. She moved with a porpoise.

Q. What did the Florida reporter say when he witnessed an obese sea cow explode on live TV?
A. Oh, the huge manatee!

Q. Which bizarre fashion magazine features photos of big-waisted mammals with flippers?
A. Manatee Fair.

Q. What is the son of a manatee called?
A. Boyatee.

Q. How do whales and dolphins share information with each other?
A. With a podcast.

Q. Why can't you accidentally ride a dolphin?
A. 'Cause you'd have to do it on porpoise.

Q. What happens when deep sea water mammals leave this world?
A. They cross over to the otter tide.

Q. What does a mermaid wear to math and botony classes?
A. An algae-bra, naturally!

Q . Why did the mermaid wear seashells?
A. Because B-shells were too small.

Sea Animal Pick-Up Line: Aye Lady, are you Ariel? 'Cause I have a feeling we mermaid for each other.

Q. Which kind of shirt does a casual mermaid wear?
A. A mana-tee.

Q. Which vacation is more expensive than swimming with dolphins?
A. Swimming with sharks. That costs an arm and a leg.

Q. What did the thug gang of dolphins say to the baby orcas?
A. Whale, whale, whale. What do we have here?

Q. What is the difference between a killer whale and a killer dolphin?
A. Orca doesn't have to hide the bodies.

Q. Why shouldn't you just discard an old dolphin?
A. 'Cause they can always be reporpoised.

Old sea pirates never die. They just lose their porpoise.

Q. What is the job of a dolphin butler?
A. To serve a porpoise.

Q. Why do dolphins and manatees only swim in salt water?
A. 'Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.

Q. What happens after your pet dolphin swims back into the ocean?
A. You've lost your porpoise.

Q. Why is it so hard to make friends with a new pod of dolphins?
A. Because they're so clicky.

Sea Mammal Point to Ponder: Scientists claim dolphins are the second most intelligent creature after man. Does that mean women are third?

Q. What is it called when a laid-off dolphin finds a new job?
A. Reporpoised.

Q. What do porpoises call a boring sailorman from a fiord near Helinski?
A. A dull Finn.

Q. What is a group of clean dolphins that move according to the pull of the moon?
A. A Tide pod.

Q. Which movie was about a dog that befriended a dolphin?
A. A Dog's Porpoise.

Q. Why don't oysters donate to charity? A. Because they're shellfish.

Q. What is
favorite TV
game show?

A. Whale of

Q. How do sharks get high? A. Reefer!

Q. What happened when the Boston fisherman's wife fell overboard?
A. A giant clam chowed her.

Q. Which kind of motor vehicles do shellfish like best?
A. Mussel cars.

Q. Why does the anxious dyslexic guy keep pet shellfish?
A. He says iit clams him down.

Q. What do you call a stoner shellfish?
A. A clam bake.

Deep Sea Critter Pick-Up Line: Hey prawn-cess, you're so hot that you turn all the other shellfish red.

Q. Where is a great place to get fast cash for all the shrimp you don't need?
A. At the Prawn Shop.

Q. What was the shellfish sad?
A. 'Cause he couldn't find a date for the high school prawn.

Q. What is a garden gnome's favorite seafood?
A. Shrimp.

Q. What is an angry, fed-up lobster called?
A. A frust-acean.

Q. What media do artistic whales use for their masterpieces?
A. A-krill-ic paint.

Q. What do you call a whale that isn't wearing underwear?
A. Free Willie.

Q. What do two horny whales do when they're mating?
A. They hump back.

Q. How do veterinarians circumcise a whale?
A. They send down four skindivers. OUCH!

Q. What do vets call the coordinated effort to neuter an aggressive male whale?
A. Or-castration.

Q. What do you call massive marine mammals traveling in huge cars?
A. Steering whales.

Q. Which large marine mammals speak Welsh?
A. Wales.

Q. Why should you never enter a contract with a whale?
A. 'Cause eventually, the whale will breach.

Killer Whale Pick-Up Line: Hello big mamma. How'd you like to help free my Willie?

Q. Why do sharks do so badly in school?
A. Because they work well below C level.

Q. What happened to the shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?
A. It got lock jaws!

Q. What do you get if you cross a big fish with a power line?
A. An electric shark!

Shark Hookup Line: Hey baby, sharks don't typically mate for life, but I'd consider it with you.

Q. What do you get if you cross a banker with a large ocean creature?
A. A loan shark!

Q. Why will an octopus always win a fight with a shark?
A.'Cause the octopus is so well-armed.

Deep Sea Hookup Line: Hey bae, are you a shark? 'Cause I've got some swimmers you might want to swallow.

Q. Which key do most pirates sing in?
A. Sea Shark.

Pick-Up a Deep Sea Creature Line: Hey there, are you a great white shark? 'Cause you look like you wanna swallow me whole.

Q. How do
you describe
a hipster

A. Tenta-cool!

Never go to a seafood dance on Valentine's Day because you might pull a mussel!

Q. Where did
all of the
sperm whales
come from?

A. Moby's Dick.

Q. How did the cops describe the criminal octopus that escaped custody?
A. Armed and dangerous.

Q. How did the cops know that the octopus didn't commit the crime?
A. 'Cause he didn't have a bad bone in his body.

Q. What did the Coast Guard call sea creatures that held a baby octopus for ransom?
A. Squid-nappers.

Q. Why did the tatooed man get another tat of an octopus?
A. 'Cause he was really into ink.

Q. What do you call the spot where an octopus is hanging out?
A. Octo-pied.

Q. What is a coward octopus called?
A. Octopussy.

Q. Which deep sea creature is into heavy metal music?
A. The rocktopus.

Q. What does an octopus use to make jam?
A. Fresh ocean currants.

Q. What is a gray shark's favorite dessert?
A. Octo-pie

Q. What's worse than lobsters on your grand piano?
A. Crabs on your mouth organ.

Q. What do crabs drink in the morning?
A. Claw-fee.

Q. Where do stylish crabs keep their clothing?
A. In the claws-et.

Q. What do you call a crab that's gone missing?
A. A lost claws.

Q. What do you get when you cross a shellfish with a fruit tree?
A. Crap apples.

Q. How are a dirty mass transit depot and a lobster with breast implants?
A. One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean.

Q. Where won't you find hipster lobsters?
A. In the Maine stream.

Q. Which kind of crustacean throws stuff aound?
A. A lobster.

Q. Why did the lobster trapper's wife decide to divorce him?
A. 'Cause he was a shellfish lover.

Q. Why don't you ever see sperm whale sperm?
A. 'Cause they cum in waves.

Q. What do urologists call a sperm whale that can't perform?
A. Mopey Dick.

Q. What is a one-sided whale called?
A. Mobius Dick.

Q. How do scientists know whales like cocaine?
A. They've got a big blow hole.

Q. Which kind of whale has the worst posture?
A. A hump back.

Q. Which size group of whales is the hardest to knock over?
A. A tri-pod.

Q. Which group of whale musicians get together to perform Flight of the Bumblebees?
A. The Orca-stra.

Q. How do killer whales plan a big party?
A. They orca-nice the guest list.

Q. Which kind of sandwich do whales enjoy most?
A. Krilled cheese.

Q. Why don't Americans eat snails? A. Because they like fast food!

Q. Why did
the sea
captain stop
to put tape
on a squid?

A. 'Cause it
was a Kraken.

Q. What's the difference between a piano and a tuna? A. You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

Q. Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot?
A. Snails are not fast food and nobody's got slime for that!

Q. Why aren't there any French delicacies in Davy Jones' locker?
A. Because dead men sell no snails.

Q. What is a slug aboard an air craft carrier called?
A. A snailor.

Customer: Waiter, there's a small slug in this salad.
Waiter: Sorry sir, would you like me to get you a larger one?

Q. What is a slow bullet called?
A. A slug.

Q. Where do lobsters work at the bread factory?
A. At a crust station.

Q. What did the shrink say about the lobster that couldn't go into tight spaces?
A. He's claws-trophobic.

Spineless Sea Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, some call me Portuguese man-of-war, but I'm just the jellyfish of love.

Q. What is a group of Kraken that are trying to end their lives called?
A. Suicide squid.

Pick Up an Octopus Line: Hook your arms around me and let’s get out of this place.

Hungry Shark Pick-Up Line: I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you. You are like a prize winning shark.

Jaws Hookup Line: Well, hello Fin. You make me feel like a shark, because when I see you I want to swallow you.

Q. Which pirate octopus was the most famous of all time?
A. Captain Squid.

Scary Deep Sea Groan of the Day: Sea monster jokes are Kraken me up.

Q. What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a jellyfish.

Q. Which language do squid speak?
A. Inklish.

Q. What does it take to make a squid giggle?
A. Ten tickles.

Q. What did the squid say when it was in a hurry?
A. Let's get Kraken.

Q. What did the squid say to the bagpipe player?
A. You'd be sexier without those pajamas on.

Q. Why didn't the Baja fisherman brag about the number of squid he'd captured in the Sea of Cortez?
A. 'Cause he's a Humboldt man.

Vampire Squid Pick-Up Line: You are so cute. I wish I could turn myself inside out and digest you.

Q. What does a loving squid couple do?
A. They get calimarried.

Q. What are twin squids called?
A. I-tentacle.

Q. How do you describe the size of a giant squid?
A. Ink-credible.

Dark Deep Sea Pick-Up Line: Squids don’t always ink, but I’d make you ink twice tonight.

Q. What did the sea lion say when he was falsely accused?
A. Hey, it was the otter guy!

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Sea Lion Chat Up Line: Hey girl, I hope you see that I'm not like all the otters!

Sea Lion Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, how about we go behind this rock and seal the deal?

Deep Sea Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, they don't call me a sperm whale for nothing!

Jaws Dropping Pick-Up Line: My last girlfriend just got eaten by a shark. Can you be my new one?

Cold-Blooded Deep Sea Chat Up Line: Hey babe, what would happen if I dropped a shark on thin ice? It would melt just like you melt my heart.

Q. What do you call a smelly deep sea creature?
A. A Stink Ray!

Q. Why are there fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school.

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
A. A bird that will talk your ear off!

Sea-dy Chat Up Line: There are a lot of sharks in the sea, but you are the only one I’d like to catch and mount back home.

Q. Who brings presents to good little lobsters at Christmas time?
A. Sandy Claws.

| Marine Mammal Jokes, Deep Sea Animal Humor | Dolphin Jokes, Porpoise Puns | Whale Jokes |
| Octopus Jokes, Squid Puns | Sea Creature Jokes, Shellfsh Puns, Lobster LOLs, Crab Grins | 3 |
| Fish Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Shark Jokes | 2 | Finny Fish Puns | Tropical Fish Jokes, Aquarium Puns |
| Wild Bird Jokes | 2 | 3 | Owl Jokes, Owl-ful Puns | 2 | Crow Jokes | 2 | Duck Puns | Goose Jokes |
| Bear Jokes | 2 | 3 | Panda Puns | Polar Bear Jokes | Deer Jokes | 2 | Buffalo and Bison Jokes | 2 |
| Wolf Jokes | 2 | 3 | Fox Puns | Mouse Jokes, Rat Puns | Rabbit Jokes, Hare Puns | Yak Jokes | 2 |
| Forest Critter Puns | Bat Jokes | Animal Poop Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Denver Broncos Puns |
| Wildcat Puns | Lion Jokes | 2 | Leopard Jokes, Cheetah Puns | Lynx LOLs | Tiger Puns | Zoo Jokes |
| Elephant Jokes | 2 | Giraffe Jokes | Hippo Puns | 2 | Safari Animal Jokes | Kangaroo Jokes | 2 1 3 |
| Gorilla Jokes, Big Ape Puns | 2 | 3 | Bigfoot Jokes | Sasquatch Jokes | Colorado Bigfoot Jokes |
| Chimpanzee Puns | Monkey Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Stoner Monkeys | Animal Potheads | Animal Bar |
| Insect Jokes, Bug Puns, Entomology LOLs | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Bee Jokes, Hive Humor, Wasp LOLs | 2 |
| Butterfly Jokes, Moth Puns, Caterpillar LOLs | Housefly Jokes | Spider Jokes, Arachnid Puns | 2 |
| Frog Jokes and Toad Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Snake Humor | 2 | 3 | Dinosaur Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
| Lizard Laughs | Crocodile Jokes, Gator Puns | Turtle Jokes, Tortoise Puns | 2 | 3 | Reptile Humor |
| Vet Jokes | Scary Animal Jokes | Animal Music Jokes | Animal Pick-Up Lines | Xmas Animals |
| Wild Animal Jokes | Colorado Wildlife | Farm Animals | Pet Animal Puns | Animal Crime Jokes

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