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Q. Which kind
of snake
keeps its car
the cleanest?

A. The

Bad Wig Says: Happy Mop Day!

Q. Do old
ever die?

A. No, but they
do get
swept aside.

Q. What
after the
dinosaur took
a bath?

A. It became

Gnirl, are you a bag of trash? 'Cause I want to take you out tonight!

Q. What does
a janitor
do at night?

A. Sweep.

Hairy bear says: I took my broken vacuum cleaner to the repair guy. He put a Broncos jersey on it, and now it *sucks* again! Go Broncos!


Janitor Jokes, Soapy Clean Humor, Maid Puns
Clean up with washed up puns, tidy maid jokes, clean getawy grins and sudsy laundry humor.

Cleaning Jokes, Soap Puns, Butler Humor
('Cause Tidy Jokes and Clean Sweep Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When the Vacuum Cleaner is Broken!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Trashy laughs, dust bin jokes, sparkling clean humor and maid up puns ahead.
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Did you hear about the owner of a cleaning service? She maid a tidy profit!
Bathroom Humor: I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean.
Q. What do you call a cleaning ghoul? A. The Grim Sweeper!

Q. Why do space aliens employ maids aboard their UFOs?
A. To clean up the cosmic dust.

Q. What's it called when your maid really knows how to get things clean?
A. Knowing the scour.

Q. Why do maids use an iMac?
A. Because they don't do Windows.

Q. Why did the maid always tip the client's dog?
A. For helping her with the dishes.

Q. What do you call a maid in outer space?
A. A vacuum cleaner.

Q. Why wouldn't the guy smoke weed with his lady janitor?
A. He's not into high maintence women.

Q. What is a cleaning lady's least favorite brand of chocolate?
A. Lindt.

Q. What is the opposite of a dirty destination?
A. A clean getaway.

Q. Why do women takes baths to relax?
A. Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.

Q. Why are mice always washing up?
A. 'Cause they like everything squeaky clean.

Burglary Victim: They took everything form my house, except the soap and towels.
Cop: Those dirty crooks!

Q. Which kind of soap does a dolphin use?
A. All porpoise cleaner.

Q. What is it called when a janitor doesn't clean up the clogged toilet?
A. Dereliction of doodie.

Q. Why did the janitors clean the restrooms at the comedy club on his day off?
A. For shits and grins.

Q. Why did the third-grade teacher marry the school janitor?
A. Because he swept her off her feet.

Q. Why was the janitor wiping the rail on the rising escalator?
A. He was cleaning up.

Q. Why do janitor comedians enjoy river tubing jokes?
A. 'Cause they're good clean funny.

Q. Why did the janitor quit his job?
A. He didn't quit. He kicked the bucket.

Q. What do you call a spy who works undercover as a janitor?
A. A sweeper agent.

Q. How are high school janitors and war veterans alike?
A. You wouldn't believe the shit they've seen.

Q. Do old janitors ever die?
A. No, they just get swept up.

Q. Why does a pirate carry a bar of soap with hin at all times? A. If his ship is sunk, he'll wash up ashore!
Q. What do ghosts use to wash their hair? A. Sham-boo!
Q. What's the difference between a tub and a vacuum cleaner? A. You have to turn a vacuum on before it sucks!

Q. What do you call a lovey-dovey guy who is allergic to most alkaline skin-washing products?
A. A soapless romantic.

Q. What happened to the kid who got all muddy playing outdoors?
A. He found himself in hot water.

Q. How did the blonde save the man who was drowning in the river?
A. She tossed him a bar of soap, and he washed up on shore.

Q. What happened to the criminals who hijacked a truck full of soap?
A. They made a clean getaway.

Q. What do they call a shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A. Dreadful.

Q. Why did the blonde boycott shampoo?
A. 'Cause she wanted real poo. DUH!

Bubble Head Point to Ponder: If you drop a bar of soap on the floor, does it become dirty or does the floor become clean?

Q. What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A. A bat mat.

Q. Which after shampoo product does Batman use?
A. Conditioner Gordon.

Q. What is a cannibal's preferred brand of shampoo?
A. Head and Shoulders.

Q. Which brand of shampoo is formulated for mens genitals?
A. Head and Boulders.

Q. Why do blondes always run out of shampoo so fast?
A. 'Cause the instructions say, "Rinse and repeat..."

Q. Why do geese use Head and Shoulders shampoo?
A. 'Cause what's good for the goose is good for the dander.

Q. Why do space aliens put beef in their shampoo?
A. They are used to meteor showers.

Q. Why did the door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman quit his job?
A. The customers used dirty language.

Q. How did the old vacuum cleaner salesman die?
A. He bit the dust.

Q. Why did the vacuum cleaner salesman quit his job?
A. The pay was dirt cheap.

Consumer: My robotic vacuum isn't working very well now.
Vacuum Cleaner Repairman: Hmm, looks like Roomba-toid arthritis.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job at the vacuum cleaner factory?
A. The paychecks really sucked.

Q. What's the worst thing about vacuum cleaner jokes?
A. They all pretty much suck.

Q. Why did the blonde decide to sell her vacuum cleaner?
A. 'Cause it was just collecting dust. DUH!

Bud Asks: How do you know you're a true stoner? A. Your bong gets washed more often than your dishes!

Q. Why was
the broom
late to work?

A. 'Cause
it over swept.

I used to be a butler, but decided that wasn't my cup of tea.

Q. Which kind of soap will you find at a soccer game?
A. Olay!

Q. How are a Volkswagen and a bathtub alike?
A. You don't want to get out of either while people are watching.

Q. What happens when something smells moldy, dank, and stale?
A. It must be cleaned.

Q. Why did men invent high-heel shoes for women?
A. So the wife can put away dishes on the top shelf.

Q. What did the guy do the day his dishwasher and washing machine broke down?
A. He took her to the emergency room.

Q. How is mariage like a bar of soap?
A. Both smell wonderful, until you take a bite out of it.

Q. What do you call a guy who is always sweeping women off their feet?
A. An agressive janitor.

Q. Why did the janitor want a divorce?
A. His wife was sweeping around with other men.

Q. What sound does the janitor's motorcycle make?
A. Broom, Broom!

Q. What is the cleaning lady's favorite color?
A. Windex blue.

Q. Why did the window washer quit his job on the skyscraper?
A. He just didn't see any future in that high risk occupation.

Clearly Funny Pick Up Line: Hey baby, your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Q. Who wrote the the janitor's handbook, Best Ways to Clean Windows?
A. Seymour Cleer Lee

Q. Why did the maid quit her job?
A. The clients wanted her to work dirt cheap.

Q. Why was the maid fired from her job cleaning the church rectory?
A. For talking dirty.

Q. Why do vacationing maids enjoy river rafting?
A. 'Cause it's good clean fun.

Q. Why should you elect a janitor to political office?
A. They're great at sweeping changes.

Q. Why did the janitor's wife divorce him?
A. He was sweeping around.

Q. Why should you elect a janitor to local gorvenment?
A. They're great at great at cleaning up messes.

Q. What is the largest amount of dirty laundry in Tacoma?
A. A Washing Ton.

Q. How do
you bash a
laundry room

A. Rip Tide!

Q. Why don't pirates shower before they walk teh plank? A. Because they'll just wash up on shore later!

Q. Why don't
burglars take

A. They're
just too
hard to steal.

A guy was folding his pants, fresh out the drier, and found a dollar in a pocket. His blonde girlfriend walked in and asked, "Beau, how long have you been laundering money?"

Q. What do you do when your brand new washing machine arrives?
A. Give it a whirl!

Q. How did the argument about wrinkled clothing end up?
A. It ironed itself out.

Q. What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
A. Iron Man is a superhero, and Iron Woman is a laundress command.

Q. What di the left sock say to the right sock in the dryer?
A. See you round next time.

Fascinating Fashion Point to Ponder: Why is it so hard to find clean underwear jokes?

Q. What happens after a leopard takes a long shower?
A. He's spotless!

Q. Why did the office efficiency expert only iron the fronts of his shirts?
A. 'Cause he never turns his back on the boss.

Q. Why did the guy at the dry cleaner laundry quit his job?
A. The work was quite de-pressing and there were too many details to iron out on a daily basis.

Q. Why don't men do laundry?
A. 'Cause the washer and dryer aren't operated by remote controls.

Q. What happens when a wolf jumps into a washing machine?
A. It becomes a wash and werewolf.

Burglary Victim: They broke into my house, but the only thing missing is the soap in the bathrroms, kitchen, and laundry room. .
Cop: Looks like they made a clean getaways!

Q. Why are smart poker players so good at doing laundry?
A. 'Cause they know how to fold.

Q. Why is working as a window washer so stressful?
A. Because the boss is always doing spot checks.

Q. Which US state has the most drty laundry?
A. Washington.

Q. How much fun is it when you're doing a big pile of dirty laundry?
A. Loads and loads.

Q. What do you call a gigantic pile of drty laundry?
A. Mount Wash More.

Hulk Says: Chuck Norris does not take showers! He takes blood baths!

Q. How did
the old
janitor die?

A. He just
the bucket.

You might be from Colorado if you use bear-proof trash cans!

Q. How is virginity like a soap bubble?
A. One prick, and it's all gone.

Q. Why do you have to separate red shirts in the laundry?
A. 'Cause red shirts die so easily!

Q. What is it called when suds get in your mouth while your singing in the shower?
A. A soap opera.

Q. When is it manditory to separate blacks and whites?
A. When you're doing laundry!

Q. How can you make a noisy washing machine quiet down?
A. Put a sock in it.

Q. Which bathtub toy always steals your soap?
A. A robber ducky.

Q. How can you tell if a janitor is a pianist?
A. He carries 88 keys.

Did you hear about the janitor at the fast food restaurant? He worked under the table.

Q. What is a Buddhist vacuum cleaner?
A. Ir's free of all attachments.

Q. What is the worst thing about a vacuum?
A. It sucks that you have to clean them.

Q. Why was the alcoholic janitor late to work?
A. He over swept.

Q. Who wrote the book, Keeping It Clean?
A. Janet Orr.

Q. Why did the janitor flush the toilet?
A. It was his doodie.

Q. How hot is it in a janitor's closet?
A. Broom temperature

Environmental scientists have recently calculated that taking a five minute shower uses 2/3 less water than a 15 minute shower does.

Q. Why was the cleaning guy fired from his job at the the bank?
A. He cleaned out the vault.

Q. When you're cleaning, what do you call giving away items instead of trashing them?
A. Free-cycling.

Q. Why don't rappers rap about soap?
A. 'Cause te lyrics would be clean.

Q. Why is it so hard to find dirty laundry jokes?
A. 'Cause they always come out clean!

Dirty Anti Pick-Up Line: So dirtbag, were your parents soap and hard water? 'Cause you are scum.

Q. What is the name of the new dating site for janitors and cleaning ladies?
A. Soul Maids.

Q. What happened to the leopard that jumped into the washing machine?
A. It came out spotless.

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