Why did the mimes get a divorce?
A. They just did not communicate.
What should you do if you miss your ex-wife?
A. Aim more carefully next time! OUCH!
Why did the rooster file for divorce?
A. He was tired of being hen-pecked!
Why did the Boise potatoes finally get a divorce?
A. Because they couldn't see eye to eye.
Why can't you make bread like my mother?
Wife: Why can't you make dough like my father?
What did the classic Divorced Barbie doll come with?
A. Most of Ken's stuff.
What happened when the guy forgot to wear the hearing aid
he just got from his doctor?
A. His wife gave him an earful.
You know dear, without your glasses you look like the handsome
young man I married.
Husband: Honey, without my glasses you look pretty darned
Why did the janitor want a divorce?
A. His wife was sweeping around with other men.
How did the woman refer to her ex-husband after the divorce?
A. As her bitter half.
What does a dinosaur call his mate after the divorce?
Why did the sow kick the boar out of bed?
A. Because he always hogged the covers.
What did the newly divorced Colorado brewer name the newest
version of his Celebration Ale?
A. Celebration Fail.
How do divorcing couples in Colorado decide who gets the
A. Judges are issuing joint custody.
What is the only thing divorce proves?
A. Whose mother-in-law was right.
What did the redneck fisherman say to his buddy?
A. I got a new fly reel for my wife. Best trade I ever made!
Why did the guy who stinks at golf still play every weekend?
A. To bug his wife; she thinks he's out having fun.
How are enemas and divorces alike?
A. At first they're both pretty crappy, but in the end,
they feel pretty good!
What did the wife say after her husband told her he wanted
to frame a picture of her breasts?
A. Okay, if I can take a pic of your penis and enlarge it.
What happens if your divorced mother marries a ladder?
A. You get a step ladder.
man fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her.
At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing.
Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."
Why did Jane divorce Tarzan?
A. 'Cause he was just a big swinger.
Why did the guy divorce his archeaologist wife?
A. 'Cause she was always digging up stuff from the past.
What separates man from animals?
Why did the guy want his ex-wife to sing at his funeral?
A. So everybody else knows there are worse things than death.
Why is there such a high divorce rate among tennis players?
A. 'Cause love means zip to them.
you hear about the cheating wife who got knocked up by her
tennis coach? Serves her right!
How is getting a divorce from your spouse like bowling?
A. You carry something heavy going into it, and if all goes
as planned, you end up with an X.
How are a computer that just crashed and a guy who just
had an argument with his wife alike?
A. Both proceed in safe mode.
How does the divorce diet work?
A. After it's finalized, you end up losng 200 pounds of
What do you get with Newly Divorced Barbie?
A. Ken's classic Corbette.
Why did the lobster trapper's wife decide to divorce him?
A. 'Cause he was a shellfish lover.
Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses
she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.
Which new dating site is for the newly divorcd crowd?