Q. Why did the pirate have such a hard time with new relationships?
A. He was always looking for the X.

Q. Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend?
A. He wasn't getting the booty.

Q. Why can't astronauts stay in a long-term relationship?
A. Because they always need their space.

Q. Why didn't the two algae ever have sex?
A. Because they had a planktonic relationship.

Q. What happened when the pastry chef's wife came home early?
A. She caught him master baking.

A chef's girlfriend bet him a hundred dollars that he couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen the look on her face when he drove right pasta.

Q. What did Pat say to his girlfriend?
A. You're my butter half.

Q. What do fish and women have in common?
A. Both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!

Q. What did the guy create a second Facebook account for his favored hand?
A. So he could tell everybody about his latest relationship.

Q. Why wasn't Dr. Frankenstein ever lonely?
A. Because he was good at making new friends.

Q. Why didn't the relationship between the physicist and biologist work out?
A. They realized there was no chemistry.

Q. What does a ghost use to call his girlfriend?
A. A Terror-Phone!

Q. How are an engaged girl and a phone alike?
A. They both have rings.

it's very sad when your phone battery lasts longer than your relationship does.

Computer Nerd Lament of the Day: My girlfriend and my computer have something in common. Neither one is responding.

Q. What do you call a life partner you found on the Internet?
A. Wife v.i. 0.

Q. Why do pickles usually make dreadful domestic partners?
A. Because they're always so green with envy.

Q. What did the beef steak gossip say to the pork chop?
A. Did you meet Frank's new girlfriend, Patty? I hear they're engaged to be marinated.

Q. How can your mate tell you were a serious Deep Space Nine fan?
A. Your partner initiates foreplay, and you ask for OO-MOX.

Q. How did the blonde know her relationship was over?
A. Her battery ran out on her.

Q. Why is psychotherapy a lot faster for a man than for a woman?
A. Because when it's time for a man to go back to childhood, he's already there!

Q. What did the sci-fi fan say to his girlfriend who didn't like Star Trek?
A. I need to break up with you because I need space.

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Q. What does Spock use for birth control?
A. Vulcanized rubbers.

Q. Why did the guy brag that his girlfriend is a blow up doll?
A. 'Cause she takes his breath away.

A blonde got a new cell phone from her hubbie. Next day she went shopping and her phone rang. Her husband asked, "How's your new phone?" She replied, "Great, but how'd you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Q. Do Romulans have pointy ears?
A. Before or after sex?

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. He wiped his butt.

Q. How does a rooster show affection to his girlfriend?
A. He gives her a peck on the cheek.

Q. Why did the monster squeeze his ghoulfriend to death?
A. He had a crush on her.

Q. Why did the locksmith's girlfriend happily agree to marry him?
A. Because he's a real keeper!

Boyfriend: What are your thoughts on guns?
Blonde: That's a loaded question.

ESP Groan of the Day: A guy took his psychic girlfriend ice skating, but she fell through the ice. Fortunately, Claire's buoyant.

Q. What does a romantic pet parrot offer his lady love?
A. An en-cage-ment ring.

Q. Why do photographers make such great girlfriends?
A. 'Cause they don't mind if you shoot raw.

Painful Point to Ponder: So, The Incredible Hulk is Coming? He must have a hot girlfriend.

Q. What did a regretful wookiee's girlfriend say after she broke up with him?
A. Big guy, I want Chewbacca!

Killer Relationship Joke of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

Q. What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
A. The Dark Knight rises.

Ringing Groan of the Day: A guy mentioned that his girlfriend wasn't a very good wrestler, but you should see her box.

Q. When do bruin couples stop arguing?
A. When it becomes un-bear-able, or it's time to hibernate.

Q. How can a snowman tell when his lady is mad at him?
A. She only gives him the cold shoulder.

Q. What dessert describes your girlfriend after a strenuous workout at the gym?
A. Sore Bae.

The musician's girlfriend had tears in her eyes when he asked her to marry him. It might be because he proposed with an onion ring...

Q. What did the hockey player say to his girlfriend?
A. Goal! I've slid into your heart!

Q. What is it called when two furry mammals are inseparable?
A. A sable relationship.

Q. What do you call it if you're seeing a girl from another planet?
A. An inter-spacial relationship.

Q. What did the skeleton say to his ghoul friend?
A. I love every bone in your body!

Q. What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
A. Running mates.

A man fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her. At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing. Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."

Q. How did the vegan couple feel about making their own pulp-free orange juice?
A. It was a real strain.

Q. How is computer programming like sex?
A. One mistake and you have to support it for life.

Q. What happened after the SEO couple had twins?
A. For the first time, they were happy with duplicate content!

Q. Why are surgeons bad in relationships?
A. 'Cause they know everybody is the same inside.

Q. What is Princess Leia's favorite sex move?
A. Anything but the Han Solo.

Q. Why did the guy ask his wife to dress up as a Star Wars bounty hunter?
A. Because he had a Boba Fettish.

Q. Why did the guy who stinks at golf still play every weekend?
A. To bug his wife; she thinks he's out having fun.

Q. Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
A. To confirm she was his type.

Q. Why did the two flatulent Egyptian archeaologists have such a good relationship?
A. That had loud toots-in-common.

Q. Why did the ghost couple leave the Halloween party?
A. Because the sheet was about to hit the fan.

Q. What does a ghoul say to break up with her vampire boyfriend?
A. So long, Sucka!

Q. Why did Mr. Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?
A. Because he couldn't resistor.

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