Java Joke: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka - Edible Puns, Funny Food, Chef Humor, Java Jokes!

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Patient: "I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink coffee!" Eye Doc: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"
Java Joke: Coffee has bean the grounds of strong, heated debate.

Q. What does a Dalek say at Starbucks? A. Percolate!


Coffee Jokes, Espresso Puns, Caffeine Humor
Sip some muddy funny coffee jokes, jittery java jolts, muddy humor and a latte espresso puns.

Coffee Humor, Java Jokes, Caffeinated Puns
(Because Sucking Down Perks with Friends Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for True Coffee Joke Lovers!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Hot coffee jokes, java jitters, and brewed joe puns may cause a latte problems.
| Coffee Puns and Java Jokes | 2 | Milk | Beverage Humor | Soda Funny Puns | Bartender Jokes |
| Beer Jokes and Brewed Puns | Craft Beer Jokes | Wine Lovers Humor | Mixed Drink Laughs |
| Wry Whiskey Jokes | Vodka Jokes | Spirited Liquor Puns | Drunken Humor | Bar Pick-Up Lines |

Did you hear about the grower who claimed his coffee was great? He was full of beans!Java Joke: Stealing someone's coffee is a crime called "Mugging!"After the coffee grinder broke, business at the hopping coffee house ground to a halt!

Q. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A. He drank coffee before it was cool.

Caffeinated Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the coffee house for wearing a T-shirt?

Q. How does a tech guy drink coffee?
A. He installs Java.

Q. Why did the hipster use a vintage stove-top coffee pot?
A. Because it had a lot of perks.

Painful Joe Pun of the Day: A guy walks into a java joint and orders a coffee to go. So, the coffee gets up and leaves. OUCH!

Q. How do you insult espresso at the comdedy club?
A. With a really good roast.

Q. Why did the espresso keep checking its watch?
A. 'Cause it was pressed for time!

Q. How are espresso and divorce alike?
A. Both are expensive and bitter.

Q. What do you call sad coffee?
A. Despresso.

Q. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
A. They know how to espresso themselves.

Q. Why did the blonde barista quit her job at the coffee house to focus on art?
A. 'Cause she wanted to espresso herself. Duh!

Coffee Fact That Adds Up: Espresso + Espresso = No More Depresso.

Q. What did the blonde say when she dropped her coffee mug and it shattered?
A. That's the end of my coffee break. Duh!

Electrifying Coffee Fact: Coffee is not electrically conductive, unless it's grounded.

Q. What is the opposite of coffee?
A. Sneezy!

Q. How do you know you drink way too much coffee?
A. You only watch videos on fast-forward!

Q. How are coffee beans like children?
A. They get grounded a lot.

Q. How can you tell you drink too much coffee?
A. The only reason you go to sleep is so that you can wake up and smell the coffee!

Java Joke: Drinking Too Much Coffe Can Cause a Latte Problems.Q. What do you say to your coffee lover on Valentine's Day? A. Words cannot espresso what you mean to me!Java Joke: Snakes do not drink coffee because they get viper-active.

Q. What happened after a guy reported his coffee cup stolen?
A. He had to go down to the police station to look at some mug shots.

Q. What do you call a person who does not drink coffee or believe in religion?
A. A Tea-ist.

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee?
A. You got a speeding ticket while you were parked!

Q. How can you tell that you drink way too much coffee?
A. You speed walk in your sleep!

Q. How do you know when you've had too much coffee?
A. You got the employee of the month award at the coffee shop, and you don't even work there!

Caffeinated Pick-Up Line: Hey hottie, I've been thinking 'bout you a whole latte lately.

Q. What did the coffee-loving couple name their eldest son?
A. Joe.

Q. Why did the tourist buy coffee at the circus?
A. Because it was billed as the greatest Joe on earth!

Caffeinated Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, know why they call me Coffee? 'Cause I can keep you up all night long.

Bro: Do you wake up grumpy in the morning?
Dude: Nah, I just bring her a cup of coffee.

Q. How do you know you drank way too much coffee?
A. You sleep with your eyes open.

Q. Why do vampire bats drink blood?
A. 'Cause coffee keeps them awake all day.

Q. Which kind of coffee do mummies prefer on Halloween?
A. De-coffin-ated.

Q. Why do frogs drink so much coffee?
A. Because for them, it's great to be really jumpy!

Q. Where do birds go to enjoy some coffee?
A. The Nestcafe.

Q. How can you confirm you consume far too much coffee?
A. You don't get mad, but you do steam.

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee?
A. You can actually stand completely still during an earthquake!

I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.When he spilled coffee on her, she showed him dis-stain.Ice Cold Coffee? Cool Beans!

Q. What do Russians call vintage coffee shops in Moscow?
A. TsarBucks.

Q. How did the local television news report the ruckus at the downtown Starbucks?
A. A Serious Brew-Ha-Ha.

Cup-Size Point to Ponder: Starbucks or Victoria's Secret? Which charges more per cup?

Q. Which train rushes the morning coffee into Seattle?
A. The Expresso.

Q. Where does a mummy drink his espresso?
A. At the Sar-Coffee-Gus.

Q. Why did the barista quit her job at the chic coffee house?
A. It just wasn't her cup of tea.

Coffee Point to Ponder: Did you ever notice when you serve someone cold coffee, it makes them piping mad?

Q. What kind of coffee do tornadoes like best?
A. House blend.

Q. How can you tell you've had way too much coffee for way too long?
A. You still hear the lyrics to Latte Be in your head every time you have a sip.

Caffeinated Coffee Lore: If you say "Pumpkin Spice Latte" three times, a girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all the good things about fall.

Q. Why do kangaroos drink coffee?
A. 'Cause it makes them hoppy.

Q. What is the soup of the day?
A. Coffee.

Q. What deal did the coffee pot make with the toaster?
A. You toast my buns, and I'll roast your beans.

Q. What did espresso say to cafe latte at the coffee house?
A. Hey Joe, where you bean?

Caffeinated Point to Ponder: If coffee and tea got married, but the tea leaves, does that give coffee grounds for divorce?

If you're contemplating having a really dangerous cup of coffee, always remember safe tea first!

Q. Which trendy coffee drink includes minuscule bits of flaky, transparent minerals?
A. Mica mocha.

Java Jibe of the Day: I don't like hot coffee because that's just not my cup of tea.

Hey Gnirl, let's get some coffee 'cause I'm liking you a latte!Happy Monday! More Coffee PleaseCoffee Joke: In This Man Cave, Coffee Is Called "Break Fluid"

Q. Why are cold coffee and smokin' marijuana such a popular wake up and bake up ritual in Colorado?
A. 'Cause that's the reason ice mocha lot of weed.

Q. How do you are a true coffee addict?
A. You attend AA meetings just for the free coffee.

Q. How do you make the best beef jerky?
A. Give your prize bull plenty of strong black coffee.

Q. What happened when a rancher tried to teach baby cows to drink coffee?
A. Only one calf in eight did!

Q. What do you call a cow that's just given birth?
A. De-calf-inated!

Jittery Pick-Up Lines are great for decaffeinated bikers who are looking for a rush. What else would you expect from a java jerk?

Coffee Fact: There are two types of people in the world. Those who love Starbucks, and liars.

Q. Why do baristas take throat lozenges?
A. Because they get coffee.

Q. What did the coffee addict tell himself every morning?
A. I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

Note To HR: I hate dealing with people before I've had my morning coffee.
PS: I don't drink coffee!

Q. What is it called if you choke on your morning joe?
A. Cough-eee.

Q. What does the break room at your office give you every Monday morining?
A. That same old deja brew feeling.

Q. How can you tell you're a true coffee addict?
A. You refer to your spouse as your Coffeemate.

Q. How can you tell you drink way too much coffee?
A. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

Q. Where does a mummy drink his espresso?
A. At the Sar-Coffee-Gus.

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee?
A. You can actually outlast the Energizer Bunny.

Q. How are men like coffee?
A. The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

Q. How do you know you drink way too much coffee?
A. You can jump start your car without jumper cables.

Q. How can you tell you drink way too much coffee?
A. You short out motion detectors.

Q. What is a silent scream for coffee?
A. A big yawn!

Q. Why did an army brat dip his GI Joe doll in his dad's coffee?
A. 'Cause the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee and weed while vacationing in Colorado?
A. You have the ability to ski uphill!

Q. What is Perkatory?
A. The anguishing, prolonged period of time spent waiting for the barista to bring you another cup of coffee.

Q. What do you call a washed-up coffee grower?
A. A has bean.

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