Jokes, Hooch Humor, Distilled Spirits Puns
with pour alcohol puns, liquored-up sauce jokes, spirited booze laughs
and drink humor.
Proceed Cautiously! Firewater humor, distilled liquor jokes, boozed-up
laughs and spirited puns ahead.
Booze Jokes, Alcohol Puns, Liquor Store Humor
('Cause Gin Jokes, Tequila
Puns, and Vodka-ed Humor Up Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream
If You're Catching a Buzz!)
| Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka
Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes
| Cocktail LOLs | 2
| 3 | Drunk
| Cold Beer Jokes | Ale-ful
Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Beer
IS Better Than... | Bartender
| Wine Jokes | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes
| Scary Drink Puns | Holiday
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into a Bar Jokes | Sci-Fi Space
Bar Puns | Bar Pick-Up Lines
Are all liquor stores haunted?
A. Yes, they are all full of spirits.
Why is it so hard to perform a comedy act inside a liquor
A. Because everybody there is into booze.
Why did the clumsy guy drop his bottle of spirits in the
liquor store parking lot?
A. 'Cause he just can't handle his booze.
of the Day: Im in a good place right now. No, not emotionally
– I'm at the liquor store!
What do you call a small liquor store?
Drinking Game of the Day: One tequila, two tequila, three
Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.
So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if
you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!
is a great drink because while you're drinking it, you feel
like a cactus. The only problem is in the morning, the needles
all grow inward.
How do you get a computer drunk?
A. With a screen shot of Tequila.
you hear about the guy who quit drinking liquor for good?
Now he drinks for evil.
Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help
you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit
Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.
What is a standup comedian's least favorite kind of alcoholic
Point to Ponder: If you drink half a bottle of whiskey,
is the bottle half empty or half full? That doesn't matter
because you're fully loaded.
Which cocktail is made of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin
and Southern Comfort?
A. A Slow Comfortable Screw.
gnome walks into the bar and orders a martini. Bartender
says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."
What is an apt name for a bartender who only makes martinis?
A. Oliver Twist.
How do you make the perfect martini?
A. Dump the gin, vermouth, and olives in the trash where
they belong, and open a bottle of Jack Daniels!
What do they say about drinking too much tequila?
A. I can't remember.
What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave?
A. A shot in the dark.
Tequila Day is July 24. I wasn't going to celebrate it,
but on second thought, I believe I will give it a shot.
guessing National Margarita Day is February 22 because you
need a reason to drink the week after Valentine's Day, one
way or the other.
What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird.
Fly Words of the Day: I am in a committed relationship
– with Jose Cuervo.
Could I have my margarita with light ice?
Blonde Bartender: I'm sorry, all of our ice weighs the same.
Time Trivia: In Florida, they salt margaritas, not sidewalks!
Hour Poetry: This senorita needs a margarita.
guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked,
"Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes,
but I'm here to get whiskey instead."
What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.
How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff
inside stays pretty much the same.
What should you do with an old inventory of Kentucky Bourbon?
A. Liquidate it, one mellow sip at a time.
How did the stoner feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused
A. Buzz, he was in high spirits!
How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can't catch anything, other than a buzz, from a beer!
German tourist orders a martini. Bartender asks, "Dry?"
Confused, the German guy replies, "No, just one."
How does one decide to host a night of Star Trek poetry
A. Weigh the prose and Khans and open a bottle of Romulan
What is it called when a prisoner drinks hooch out of a
A. A mug shot.
Factoid of the Day: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but
liquor will double your vision.
How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. Your basement home-brewed synthehol makes you see little
Thought of the Day: Vodka might not always the answer to
the problems of the day, but it's worth a shot.
Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka
Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Drunk
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the wine?
A. Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Up Laugh of the Day: There are 70 ways to please a man.
The first is booze, and the other is 69.
The consumption of alcohol may lead to pregnancy. This joke
only caused a pregnant pause...
What is an author's choice alcoholic beverage when writing
the first version of a new piece?
A. Draft beer!
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to appreciate spirited
Painful liquor Puns, or possible write more of
The over sumconption of liquor may cause you to
slay things like thish.
The consumption of alcohol may make you wonder where the
hell your pants are!
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance of the
space-time continuum that explains those gaps of time that
seem to disappear, especially around the holidays.
alcoholics never die, but they do lose their spirit.
What did the bartender say when a ghost walked into the
A. Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.
What happens when a ghost drinks too much liquor?
A. He gets sheet faced!
Why did the ghost decide to go to AA?
A. Because he had a problem with BOOze.
Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.
Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already
knew that National Martini Day is June 19.
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
You're still ambulatory,
so enjoy another round of laughter,
humor on the rocks and neat
painful puns that'll surly leave you groggy:
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Arresting Laughter | Bee
Puns | Blonde Jokes | Broncos
Jokes | Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Doctor Jokes |
| Hipster Jokes | Lady
LOLs | Locksmith Puns | Macho
Man Jokes | Music Jokes | Pirate
Jokes | Police Jokes |
| Religion Jokes | Robber
Jokes | Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Sports Jokes | Timely
Humor | Weed Laughs |
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