Hauntinly funny bar joke: Q. What does a ghost drink? A. Boos!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Drinking joke: When whiskey met cognoac, it was clear their relationship was on the rocks!
Puzzled chimp says: He said his non-alcoholic beer was delicioius, but I said he had no proof!
Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender asks him if he wants a drink. He replies, "I think not," and disappeared!
Golf ball says: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!

 


Liquor Jokes, Hooch Humor, Distilled Spirits Puns
Unwind with pour alcohol puns, liquored-up sauce jokes, spirited booze laughs and drink humor.

Booze Jokes, Alcohol Puns, Liquor Store Humor
('Cause Gin Jokes, Tequila Puns, and Vodka-ed Humor Up Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You're Catching a Buzz!)
Warning: Proceed Cautiously! Firewater humor, distilled liquor jokes, boozed-up laughs and spirited puns ahead.
| Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Drunk Puns |
| Beer IS Better! | Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |

Bartender was arrested for taking liquor home. He was charged with emboozlement!Q. Do locksmiths hold the key to happiness? A. No, but they can open the liquor cabinet!Drunk Pun: He carried rum over his head attempting to lift his spirits.

Q. Are all liquor stores haunted?
A. Yes, they are all full of spirits.

Q. Why is it so hard to perform a comedy act inside a liquor store?
A. Because everybody there is into booze.

Q. Why did the clumsy guy drop his bottle of spirits in the liquor store parking lot?
A. 'Cause he just can't handle his booze.

Buzz of the Day: Im in a good place right now. No, not emotionally – I'm at the liquor store!

Q. What do you call a small liquor store?
A. Flask.

Spirited Drinking Game of the Day: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Drunken Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!

Tequila is a great drink because while you're drinking it, you feel like a cactus. The only problem is in the morning, the needles all grow inward.

Q. How do you get a computer drunk?
A. With a screen shot of Tequila.

Did you hear about the guy who quit drinking liquor for good? Now he drinks for evil.

Drunken Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit guide?

Q. Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.

Q. What is a standup comedian's least favorite kind of alcoholic beverage?
A. Booze!

Spirited Point to Ponder: If you drink half a bottle of whiskey, is the bottle half empty or half full? That doesn't matter because you're fully loaded.

Martini jokes: She only makes gin, but he lover her still!Whiskey bottle remarks: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the problem!Chimp joshes: My doctor said I need to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror!

Q. Which cocktail is made of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin and Southern Comfort?
A. A Slow Comfortable Screw.

A gnome walks into the bar and orders a martini. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."

Q. What is an apt name for a bartender who only makes martinis?
A. Oliver Twist.

Q. How do you make the perfect martini?
A. Dump the gin, vermouth, and olives in the trash where they belong, and open a bottle of Jack Daniels!

Q. What do they say about drinking too much tequila?
A. I can't remember.

Q. What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave?
A. A shot in the dark.

National Tequila Day is July 24. I wasn't going to celebrate it, but on second thought, I believe I will give it a shot.

We're guessing National Margarita Day is February 22 because you need a reason to drink the week after Valentine's Day, one way or the other.

Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird.

Bar Fly Words of the Day: I am in a committed relationship – with Jose Cuervo.

Customer: Could I have my margarita with light ice?
Blonde Bartender: I'm sorry, all of our ice weighs the same.

Cocktail Time Trivia: In Florida, they salt margaritas, not sidewalks!

Happy Hour Poetry: This senorita needs a margarita.

Drinking joke: When whiskey met cognoac, it was clear their relationship was on the rocks!Bar joke: A bee walks into a bar. It comes out two hours later, buzzing!Whiskey Says: Happy Thurs-Daze!

A guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked, "Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead."

Q. What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.

Q. How do women and whiskey age alike?
A. The packaging gets a little messed up, but the stuff inside stays pretty much the same.

Q. What should you do with an old inventory of Kentucky Bourbon?
A. Liquidate it, one mellow sip at a time.

Q. How did the stoner feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused vodka?
A. Buzz, he was in high spirits!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can't catch anything, other than a buzz, from a beer!

A German tourist orders a martini. Bartender asks, "Dry?" Confused, the German guy replies, "No, just one."

Q. How does one decide to host a night of Star Trek poetry reading?
A. Weigh the prose and Khans and open a bottle of Romulan ale.

Q. What is it called when a prisoner drinks hooch out of a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot.

Hooch Factoid of the Day: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but liquor will double your vision.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekkie?
A. Your basement home-brewed synthehol makes you see little green men!

Spirited Thought of the Day: Vodka might not always the answer to the problems of the day, but it's worth a shot.

WomenQ. Why did the Grinch go to the liqour store? A. He was looking for the holiday spirit!Never Drink with Ghosts. Because they can't handle their boo!

Q. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the wine?
A. Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!

Liquored Up Laugh of the Day: There are 70 ways to please a man. The first is booze, and the other is 69.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may lead to pregnancy. This joke only caused a pregnant pause...

Q. What is an author's choice alcoholic beverage when writing the first version of a new piece?
A. Draft beer!

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to appreciate spirited Painful liquor Puns, or possible write more of them.

Warning: The over sumconption of liquor may cause you to slay things like thish.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may make you wonder where the hell your pants are!

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance of the space-time continuum that explains those gaps of time that seem to disappear, especially around the holidays.

Q. What did the bartender way when a ghost walked into the bar?
A. Sorry, we don't serve spirits here.

Q. What happens when a ghost drinks too much liquor?
A. He gets sheet faced!

Q. Why did the ghost decide to go to AA?
A. Because he had a problem with BOOze.

Drunken Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.

Drinking Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already knew that National Martini Day is June 19.

| Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Drunk Puns |
| Beer IS Better! | Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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