Chimp says: Love has four letters, but then again, so does beer!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Beer glass asks: Why does corona go through your system so fast? A. Becuase it doesn't have to stop to change color!
Bar riddle: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A. A beer in each hand!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. One one, but it takes a butt load of Bud Light!
Glass of Beer Says: Happy Mug Day!
Beer-Drinking Chimp Says: Happy Bent-Day!

 


Crafty Beer Jokes, Pour Puns, Heady Ale Humor
Pony up for refreshing beer jokes, hopped up humor, canned laughs and barely funny beer puns.

Beer Jokes, Beer Drinking Puns, Brewed Humor
(Because Hoppening Puns and Stale Beer Jokes Are NOT Mainstream Enough and It's Barley Hoppy Hour Now...)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! There is no legal limit on beer humor, bottled jokes, and canned laughter.
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |

Chimp remarks: A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer!Pitcher of beer asks: What do you call it when the whole town drinks from the same barrel? A cask of thousands!Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!

BEER: Brew, Enjoy, Empty, Repeat.

Q. Why should they allow beer drinking at work?
A. Beer is an incentive to show up.

A. The answer is BEER! Nobody ever cares what the question is!

Blonde: Can domestic beer make you smarter?
Brunette: Well, it made Bud wiser.

Liquid Courage Action of the Day: I saved some beer today. It was trapped in a bottle.

Q. What did the craft brewer say when he tasted his best beer ever?
A. This brew is wort its weight in gold!

Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour. But, teach him how to brew and he wastes a lifetime.

Q. Why should they allow beer drinking at the workplace?
A. It encourages car pooling.

Crafty Ale Mantra: Save the Earth! It's the only planet with beer!

Q. What did the blonde leave the Broncos tailgating party crying?
A. Because they ran out of Coors Light in left-handed cans.

Q. How can a Pabst drinker tell twelve beers is enough?
A. It'll feel like 1 2 many.

Q. What does beer say to the guy who tells tall tales?
A. Cool story, Brew!

Deja Brew: Haven't we been to this beer bar before?

Beer Troubleshooting: If your feet are wet and cold, the glass is being held at an incorrect angle. Rotate glass so open end points toward ceiling.

Don't cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer!

Q. What happened when the guy got hit in the head with a beer bottle?
A. It didn't break the skin, but it did leave a nasty brews.

Beer mugs ask: What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four guys drinking beer and watching a football game!Chimp asks: How are men like coolers? A. Load thm with beer, and you can take them anywhere!Beer Pun: Never Drink Past the Pint of No Return

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beers are always into football season!

Beer Deep Thought of the Day: Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as you're half way to your next beer.

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Because. BEER!

Beer Label Warning: Consuming too much beer may lead you to believe you can sing, when you clearly cannot.

Money can't buy happiness. Wrong! Yes it can, if it's used to buy beer!

Beer Marketing Fact of the Day: Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.

Beer Wisdom: I'd rather be full of beer than full of sh*t.

Q. Why did the guy go to the brew pub to think before quitting his job?
A. Because he needed to draft a letter of resignation...

Q. What was the one-legged pirate's job at the brewery?
A. He was in charge of the hops.

Brewed Point to Ponder: Beer runs. Does that count as exercise?

Q. How does the great flavor get in beer?
A. It hops in there.

Beer Point to Ponder: If you call your kids Lager and Guinness, will your wife be Bitter?

Reverse Psychology Brew Pub Pick Up Line: Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Beer doesn't ask silly questions!

A gnome walks into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."

Heady Beer Point to Ponder: To some, it's just a six-pack. To others, it's a support group!

Beer Label Warning: Consuming too much beer may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and undies.

An amnesiac walks into a brew pub. He asks the beer-tender, "Do I come here often?"

Painful bar joke: Q. What are a redneck's famous last words? A Hold my beer and watch this!Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.Drinking riddle: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. They're both empty from the neck up!

I give in to Beer Pressure.

Q. Why was the auto mechanic at the brew pub earlier than usual today?
A. Because he tankard with some clunker all day, to no av-ale.

Brewed Point to Ponder: There are no strong beers, only weak men.

Beer Troubleshooting: If your feet are warm and wet. It must be improper bladder control, so stand next to the nearest dog and complain about bad housetraining.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer doesn't tell you to go mow the lawn.

Beer Positive Sentiment of the Day: Don't worry, be hoppy!

Q. When should you put oranges in your beer?
A. Only once in a Blue Moon.

Beer Troubleshooting: If the floor is moving, you must be being carried out. Find out if you're being taken to another bar.

Q. What did the new craft brewer say when he bottled his very first batch?
A. Let's just hop for the best.

A Good Thought from Your Beer: Ale's well that ends well.

Q. Why did the talkative blonde order the house draft beer for the whole table?
A. Because a pitcher is worth a thousand words!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer is always easy to pick up.

Q. Why do hairy men love Colorado craft beer pubs during No Shave November?
A. Because in Denver, that's Novem-Beered.

Spilling a full beer is the adult equivalent of a child letting go of a helium balloon.

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Beer understands.

Did you hear about the optician? Two glasses, and he made a spectacle of himself.Dumb bar riddle: Q. what's printed on the bottom of beer bottles in the south? A. Open other end!Chimp asks: Where does a monkey go to grab a beer? A. The monkey bars!

A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would have thought he would have seen it!

Brew Pub Fact of the Day: Men do make passes at girls with empty glasses.

Q. Why is Colorado craft beer so popular throughout the United States?
A. Because Americans believe in Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Hoppiness.

Anyone who says that beer is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it!

Q. How can you spot a Redneck Jedi at a bar?
A. He opened his bottle of Budweiser with a lightsaber.

Beer doesn't turn people into somebody they're not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

Clue You're Drinking a Crude Craft Beer: The label boasts it's made of roasted Harley and Plops.

An infinite number of mathematicians walked into a bar. First ordered a pint, second ordered a half-pint, third ordered a quarter-pint. Bartender gave them 2 pints and said, "You math geeks don't know your limit."

Q. How do you know you've encountered a Redneck Jedi?
A. He uses his R-2 unit as a beer coaster.

Q. What is the name of the new beer pub across from the gym?
A. The Six-Pack.

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up the peace sign to the bartender and asks for five beers.

We'd love to make up more puns about ficticious funny craft beer names, but no joke, the dumbest puns we came up with are already actual craft beer names!

Sigh, it's ale in a day's work.

Q. What is the beer limit while watching Star Wars?
A. Only one Peroni.

| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
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