Which kind of fish is always gambling?
A. The Card Shark.
Why should you never pla poker with an alligator?
A. 'Cause you'll lose every hand!
Why is it a bad idea to play poker in the jungle?
A. Because there are so many cheetahs there!
Why did Bruce Wayne bow out of the poker game?
A. Because the dealer said the Joker was wild.
What did the orphan poker player say?
A. Will you raise me?
Why are stoners such bad poker players?
A. Because they always smoke up the pot.
How is a casino like a woman?
A. Liquor in the front, poker in the back.
Why are fashion designers bad at playing Uno?
A. 'Cause they always draw a cardigan.
Which board game manufacturer was always doing things in
an unsatisfactory manner?
A. Milton Badly.
Which committee makes dishes out of pork, corn meal, that's
sliced and fried?
A. A scrapple board.
Why did the blonde in London bring French fries to the poker
A. Somebody told her to bring her own chips.
Why do deadbeat dads always want to play poker?
A. So that they can raise anyone without feeling obligated
to follow through.
How is the leprechaun who went into rehab to stop gambling?
A. He's a little better now.
Your gambling is getting completely out of hand!
Husband: Oh yeah? I'll bet you $50 it isn't.
Can you help me get over my gambling addiction?
Shrink: You bet.
Patient: Yes, that's why I asked...
What is a tell that a poker player is bluffing?
A. His chips are moving.
Do old poker players ever die?
A. No, they just go to pot.
poker players never die, but they do cash in their chips.
What do you call the special measurements used to design
that popular cube puzzle?
A. Rubic centimeters.
How do you describe a Scrabble player who is down by 100
A. At a loss for words.
What is betting like in heaven?
A. It's a gambler's pair 'o dice!
Speak Decoded: When a vendor says, "Have I got a deal for
you!," it means he's selling cars now instead of working
the tables in Vegas.
What do craps players in Vegas eat for dessert?
A. Dice pudding.
What's the difference between praying at church and praying
in a casino?
A. In the casino, you really mean it.
Which size bedsheets does a gambler prefer?
A. Double, or nothing.
Why don't old lotto players ever die?
A. Because they're waiting for their number to come up.
What would make the gambler's hotline more popular?
A. Making every tenth caller a winner!
Why did the loan shark's son decide to major in journalism?
A. 'Cause he knew a lot about book reports.
How is gambling like street drugs?
A. The dealer always wins.
How is sex like poker?
A. You want either a good partner or a good hand.