Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Q. What does Batman put into his cocktails? A. Just ice!
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "Buddy, you read my mind1"
Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender: "Did you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate: "Arrr and it's driving ne crazy!"
Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!
Q. What do you call a guitarist that drank too much alchohol? A. Bassist loaded!
Drinking riddle: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. They're both empty from the neck up!

 


Drink Humor, Bar Jokes, Bartender Puns, Beer LOLs
Pour your personal poison of beer puns, funny bar jokes, brewed laughs and fine wine humor.

Bartender Jokes, Funny Bar Puns, Wine Humor
('Cause So-beer Jokes, Dry Bar Puns, and Rye Wit Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream + It's Always Happy Hour Here!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! There's NO legal limit on bar jokes, bartender puns, and spirited drink jokes.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |

Beer Pun: Never Drink Past the Pint of No ReturnFour fonts walk into a bar. Bartender says: "Get out. We don't want your type in here."Q. What is the world's most popular wine? A. I don't like Brussels sprouts!

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

A brain walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already out of your head."

Q. Why did the Denver cops arrest the craft brewer?
A. He was accused of a-malt and beer-tery.

Deja Brew: Haven't we been to this beer bar before?

Q. Why did the tech guy prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.

Q. What is it called when there's a big ruckus in a craft beer pub about a Painful beer Pun?
A. A real brew ha ha!

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to appreciate painful bar puns, or possible write more of them.

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.

Q. What do you say when you're gonna drunk dial somebody?
A. Al-cohol you later.

A nonrenewable energy source walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You've been getting wasted all day!"

Spirited Drinking Game of the Day: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Q. What do you call the old owner who won't sell her tavern?
A. Barkeeper.

A hen walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken here, but there is a place across the road."

Q. What did Merlot say after a long day's work?
A. Time to uncork, or at least unwind.

Q. Why do we love wine puns?
A. Because they're grape!

Q. What did the wine lover do when realized he'd already tasted too much?
A. He ordered a cab.

Q. Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
A. The Reds!

Q. What do you call a basement full of upset women?
A. A whine cellar!

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"Bartender was arrested for taking liquor home. He was charged with emboozlement!Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender replies: "I can't serve you. You're Bard."

A black widow drops into the bar. Bartender asks, "What's your poison?"

A beer walked into the bar. How weird is that, considering it's usually trucked in?

Q. What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave?
A. A shot in the dark.

Bar Fly Fact of the Day: The perfect woman is just like vodka – transparent, ice cold, and utterly tasteless.

Q. Why didn't the bartender serve the snake?
A. Because he couldn't hold his beer.

Bartender Fact of the Day: Wise men drink wine. Budweiser men drink beer.

A monk, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! Is this some kind of joke?"

Happy Hour Point to Ponder: Drinking Jack Daniels might not be the solution to your problems, but it's worth a shot!

Drunken Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit guide?

Q. Why is it so hard to perform a comedy act inside a liquor store?
A. Because everybody there is into BOOze.

Q. At the bar, what do they say about drinking too much Jack Daniels?
A. I can't remember.

Q. What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.

Q. Why should they allow beer drinking at the workplace?
A. It encourages car pooling.

Beer Lover Fact of the Day: I drink beer because I just don't like keeping things bottled up.

Q. Which kind of beer chronicles everything about itself online?
A. A Logger Beer.

Sports Bar Laugh of the Day: A baseball flies into a bar, but the bartender tosses him out... OUCH!

What is the gambler's heaven? Pair O' DiceNever Drink with Ghosts. Because they can't handle their boo!A man with a lump of asphalt under one arm walks into a bar, orders a whiskey, and one for the road.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds two fingers up to the bartender and says, "Five beers please."

Q. How is having a few beers at a sports bar better than a woman?
A. Beers are always into football season!

Q. Why did the new craft beer bar sponsor a ladies fast-pitch team?
A. Just for the publicity.

Dart Bar Point to Ponder: If the tips of the darts are dull, is throwing them at the board just pointless?

Q. What did the dyslexic beer drinker order at the LoDo Denver craft beer pub?
A. A Large.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A frigid beer is good!

A ghost walks into a brew pub. Beer-tender says, "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here."

Q. Are all corner bars haunted?
A. Yes, they are all full of spirits.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

Drunken Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.

Drinking Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already knew that National Martini Day is June 19.

Q. What do you call drink after drink?
A. A twofer.

Q. What is a monster's Halloween slogan?
A. Eat, drink, and be scary!

An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, saloon, barroom, tavern, sports bar, drinking establishment...

Q. Why didn't the bar's new recipe for vodka-flavored brats catch on?
A. Because it was the Absolut Wurst!

A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2."

Bar Warning: The sumconption of alcohol may cause you to slay things like thish.

Q. What is the most common pick-up line at a bears' singles bar?
A. What's ursine?

Q. What happened after the dancer was killed at the stripper bar?
A. Now the place is haunted with en-tities.

Q. What Do You Call a Man Who Drinks and Falls Off His Horse? A. Wine-Stoned CowboyDid you hear about the optician? Two glasses, and he made a spectacle of himself.Go Gnome! You're Drunk!

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

Q. How did the stoner feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused vodka?
A. He was in high spirits!

Drunken Tip of the Day: If you want a promotion at work, just walk around your office yelling, "Vodka! Tequila! Jack Daniels!" This makes you the one who calls the shots!

Q. Why do little spacemen turn green when they land on planet Earth?
A. Turbulence, and creme de menthe in the drink the

Drunken Fact of the Day: Drinking the wrong alcohol may make you absinthe minded.

A man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would think he would have seen it!

Beer Troubleshooting: If the floor is blurred, you must be looking through an empty glass. You need to order another beer.

Q. What does beer say to the guy who tells tall tales?
A. Cool story, Brew!

Clue You're Drinking a Crude Craft Beer: The brewery isn't running a sweepstakes, but under every bottle cap it says, "Sorry!"

Q. How can you spot a Redneck Jedi at a bar?
A. He opened his bottle of Budweiser with a lightsaber.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A beer always goes down easy!

I'm on a whiskey diet. I think I've lost three days already...

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.

Q. What do you call it when a prisoner drinks vodka out of a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot!

Q. How do ya know you're allergic to vodka?
A. Every time you drink it, you break out in handcuffs!

Q. What do you call a prolonged period of over-imbibing?
A. A Drunkathon.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer never has a headache.

| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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