What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fun-Gi   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says: "$4." Duck replies: "Put it on my bill."
Q. How many brewers does it take to change alight bulb? A. One-third less than for a regular bulb!

Whiskey Says: Hello Saturday, glad we're here again, my dear friend!
Beer Pun: Never Drink Past the Pint of No Return

 


Cocktail Jokes, Drink Humor, Bartender Puns
Say Cheers with bombed beer puns, sloshed humor, woozy laughs and smashing bar jokes.

Funny Bar Jokes, Drink Puns, Bartender Humor
(Because Stinko Puns and Zoned Drinking Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You've Been 86ed from the Bar!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Tippler jokes, alcoholic humor, boozer laughs and groggy puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |

Q. How do you get a horse drunk? A. Drink him under the stable!If the Doctor uses a sonci screw driver, does Jack use a sonic mimosa?Chimp remarks: Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean...on tables, chairs, and random people!

Q. Which type of wine do horses request most often?
A. Chardon-neigh.

A flock of birds walk walks into a bar, look around, then head for the door. Bartender says, "Hey, what's the matter?" One of the birds says, "This place looked a whole lot seedier from the outside."

An ox walks into a bar. Bartender remarks, "Oh, off the wagon again?"

Q. Why did the new Colorado craft brewer get so famous so fast?
A. He was lager than life.

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender remarks, "Hey we have a drink named after you." The screwdriver replies, "You have a drink named "Phillip?"

Q. Which type of wine only comes in a box?
A. Carbordeaux.

Attention: Please be patient with the bartender. Even a toilet can only serve one ass at a time.

A lighter walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." Lighter asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "You haven't even had one drink, and you're already lit!

Beer is not the answer. Beer is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Trust me, you can dance.
– Beer.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends, over and over again, how much you love them, man.

Bartender Wisdom: The hardest part of the job is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

True Brew Pub Fact of the Day: IPA lot when I drink beer.

Chimp says: Beer is my worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy!Pitcher of beer asks: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of just one!Chimp remarks: If beer, coffee, or a nap can't cure it, you've got a serious problem!

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!

Some bacteria walk into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve germs here." The bacteria replied, "But, we work here. We're Staph!"

Beer cures your ale-ments!

Brew Pub Laugh of the Night: The answer may not be at the bottom of a craft beer bottle, but you should always check.

Clue You're Drinking a Crude Craft Beer: Instead of a wagon pulled by horses, your beer's ad features a wheelbarrow pushed by a big hairy ape.

Drinking Point to Ponder: Is it beer thirty yet? Well, isn't it beer thisty somewhere?

Q. Why did the guy go to the brew pub to think before quitting his job?
A. Because he needed to draft a letter of resignation...

Bar Pointer of the Day: Are you cold and wet? Try holding your beer upright.

Q. Why did the outlaw walk into the bar with a paper towel over his hair?
A. Because he had a Bounty on his head.

Q. Why don't Coloradans drink Flat Tire beer when they're partying on Saturday night?
A. Why tempt fate or dare the devil?

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a bitch and beer is a must!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A beer is always wet.

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. When you're through with one beer, the thought of another doesn't make you sick.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can fully enjoy a beer all month long.

Q. What is the beer limit while watching Star Wars?
A. Only One Peroni.

Q. How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? A. Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room spins!Ain't no party like a time lord party because a time lord party is not bound by typical temporal parameters, so it never stops!Chimp joshes: My doctor said I need to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror!

A light bulb walks into a bar, hands the bartender a dollar and says, "I need some quarters for the meter." Bartender replies, "Sorry, it takes three bartenders to change a light bulb."

Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird.

An angel walks into a bar hoping to meet someone heavenly.

Whiskey Wisecrack of he Day: Redbull may give you wings, but whiskey gives you balls.

Beer Lover's Trivia: The earliest known recipe in history is for beer!

R2D2 walks into a bar and says, "!@#$%^&*()*&^%$#@!" The bartender is a Trekkie, so he phasered him.

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance of the space-time continuum that explains those gaps of time that seem to disappear.

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday – eight hours.

Q. Which kind of beer does a Canadian drink while using the toilet?
A. I pee, eh.

My body is not a temple ... It is a microbrewery with legs.

Did you know that beer contains estrogen? When you drink too much, you lose your ability to drive and you talk too much.

We're guessing National Margarita Day is February 22 because you need a reason to drink the week after Valentine's Day, one way or the other.

Wine Glass Says: Hello Saturday, So Glad You're Here Again!Drinking riddle: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A. They're both empty from the neck up!Beer Pitcher Says: Saturday is the time for multi-slacking, not multi-tasking!

Q. Can you drink Champagne for breakfast?
A. Wine not?

Some people say laughter is the best medicine and others think wine is the way to go. So, why not do both?

Yoga Class? Whoa, I thought you said pour a glass...

Q. What is the difference between a bottle of wine and a prostitute?
A. The older the bottle of wine, the more you have to pay for it.

Q. What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
A. Things went pour-ably wrong.

Q. Why did the short blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
A. She heard the drinks were on the house!

Q. Why did it take the blonde guy a whole week to topple his heady beer?
A. 'Cause foam wasn't spilt in a day!

Spilling a full beer is the adult equivalent of a child letting go of a helium balloon.

Beer Pong is a sport, right guys?

My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."

Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the question.

Well, it's ale in a day's work and that's ale well and good.

Beer Troubleshooting: If you don't recognize anybody and don't know what room you're in, you may have stumbled into the wrong party. So, just see if they have free beer.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You can sample different beers and not feel guilty about it.

Q. What do frozen beer, burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?
A. Some guy forgot to take it out in time!

| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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Yo drunk! this far, so here's one more round of jokes, sober laughs,

inebriation
humor, and pour painful puns that surly should be barred:

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