Hangover: The Wrath of Grapes   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Monkey looking at beer bottle says: I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis!
Martini says: I was drinking at the bar, so I thook the bus home. Problem is, I've never driven a bus before!
Pitcher of beer says: I don't drink to forget. I drink beause beer is delicious. Forgetting is just a bonus!
Drinking joke: When whiskey met cognoac, it was clear their relationship was on the rocks!
Wine Humor: I am a wine enthusiast! The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get!

 


Drinking Jokes, Bar Puns, Bartender Humor
Order up refreshing beer puns, alcohol humor, spirited laughter and funny bar drink jokes.

Funny Bar Jokes, Drunken Puns, Cocktail Jokes
(Because Funny Drink Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You're in a Dry County or After Closing Time!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Happy hour humor, cocktail jokes, drinking puns and wry whiskey puns ahead.
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. Bartender says, "OK, but don't start anything." Polar Bear, Giraffe, and Penguin Walk Into a Bar. Bartender says: "What? Is This Some Kind of a Joke?"What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fun-Gi

Q. What did the winning team say when they went to the brew pub to celebrate?
A. Everybody, Group Chug!

Q. How is a bottle of craft beer better than a woman?
A. Beer won't get mad if you come home with beer on your breath!

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Because beer likes when you joke about it on social media.

A chicken crosses the road and walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve poultry here." The chicken replies, "That's okay, I just want a drink."

A novice bartender walks into a church, a temple, and a mosque. He has no idea how bar jokes work!

Cocktail Time Trivia: In Florida, they salt margaritas, not sidewalks!

A parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I can't serve you." Parrot asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "Because I believe you are a Myna bird."

Q. Why does whiskey come in fifths?
A. 'Cause that's what you need when you're feeling two tense.

Q. What do you call drink after drink?
A. Chasers.

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

Q. What is it called when a fun guy ties his belt around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool.

A guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked, "Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead."

Drunken Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!

A skeleton walks in a bar and says: "Give me a beer...and a mop."A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a beer is. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."Bear walks into a bar: "I'll have a beer ... and some peanuts." Bartender asks: "Why the big paws?"

Q. What happens when a ghost drinks too much?
A. He gets sheet faced!

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?"

Q. What did the blonde say when some guy at the bar asked her if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Tell me one.

Beer Lover's Point to Ponder: It's I before E – unless it's Budweiser, caffeine, or codeine. Coincidence, or not?

An anagramist walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "Why the clean fog?"

Happy Hour Fact of the Day: Chemically speaking, Alcohol is a solution.

Q. Why is alcohol a solvent?
A. Because it disolves marriages, families, and careers.

Q. How do you get a computer drunk?
A. With a screen shot of Tequila.

Q. Which kind of beer do Star Trek fans prefer?
A. Dos Trekkies.

A pig walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The pig replies, "A pint of Guinea's please."

Q. What's the difference between pigs and men?
A. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

An atheist, a vegan, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within the first three minutes.

Q. What is an author's choice alcoholic beverage when writing the first version of a new piece?
A. Draft beer!

Drinking Joke: She Was Only a Whiskey Maker, But He Loved Her Still.Whoever served the wine at the banquet did a pour job.A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "What can I get you?" Seal replies: "Anything but a Canadian club."

Q. What did the moonshiners do when they had their pictures taken?
A. They stood still.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducked.

When the bartender asked the patron if he wanted his whiskey without ice, the guy replied, "Sure, that would be neat."

Two guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh, she gets better with age?" "No," replies the first guy, "She gives me a headache."

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" Sandpaper replies, "Oh, just something to take the edge off."

Q. How can you tell if you are a true wine enthusiast?
A. The more wine you sample, the more enthusiastic you get!

Q. What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink Less wine?
A. Duh! I don't speak French, plus I can't find that brand anywhere!

Q. How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
A. By the blanc look on her face.

Q. Why do women takes baths to relax?
A. Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.

Did you hear about the fellow who got a bottle of fine wine for his mother-in-law? He thought that was a fair trade.

Customer: Could I have my margarita with light ice?
Blonde Bartender: I'm sorry, all of our ice weighs the same.

A grasshopper hops into a bar. Bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

Q. Who wrote the whiskeyed-up book, Drunkards Of The Old West?
A. Sal Oon.

Today's Drunken Wisdom: What doesn't kill me, makes my drinks stronger.

Q. What do you call the guy who drank vodka and ended up in a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman.

Two chemists walk into a bar. First one says: "I'll have H2O." Second one says: "I'll have H2O, too." He died.Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.A Dyslexic Man Walks Into a Bra

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

Bartender Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, how do you keep that ice from melting when you are that hot?

Cocktail Fact of the Day: Martinis are just like nipples. One isn't enough, two is just right, and three is when things start to get weird.

Bartender Fact of the Day: Bartenders do it for tips!

Drinking Tip of the Day: You should limit your alcohol consumption to days that end in Y.

Q. What did the bartender say to the goat that walked into the bar?
A. Sorry, we don't serve kids.

Q. What did the bartender say when a second goat walked into the bar?
A. Sorry Butt, the can is for customers, only!

Q. Why do rabbits prefer IPA?
A. Because it's hoppy.

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Because. BEER!

A fish walks into a bar and orders a scotch and water, and tells the bartender: "Hold the scotch, and bring it in a large bowl."

Warning: The consumption of alcohol may have you wondering what in the hell happened to your bra.

A guy walks into a bar. He says, "OUCH!" ... It was a crowbar.

At a cocktail party, one woman asked another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other woman replied, "Yes, because I married the wrong man!"

Q. How can you tell if an Amish person is an alcoholic?
A. They literally fall off the wagon.

| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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