Beer glass quips: Life and beer are veryy similar. Chill for best results!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Monday morning coffee is just as important as Friday night beer...almost!
Beer Pitcher Says: Saturday is the time for multi-slacking, not multi-tasking!
Chimp asks: How are men like coolers? A. Load thm with beer, and you can take them anywhere!

Pitcher of beer asks: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of just one!
Kangaroo asks: What happened after the kangaroo drank beer? A He was all hopped up!

 


Barley Funny Beer Jokes and Beer-tender Puns
Pour up bock-ing funny beer jokes, lager laughs, brewed puns and barrel-ly funny ale jokes.

Beer Lover Jokes, Lager Puns, Canned Laughter
(Because Beery Funny Brew Jokes Are NOT Mainstream Enough and It's Always a Case of Hoppy Hour Here!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! There's no legal limit on brew pub humor, beery funny jokes, and flat puns.
| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |

Chimp says: Beer is my worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy!Beer mug asks: If you put root beer in a square mug, do you get beer?Guy: I love you so much. I could never live without you. Girl: Is tha you or the beer talking? Guy: It's me talking to the beer.

Q. What does a man have in common with a bottle of beer?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Beer Label Warning: Consuming too much beer may cause you to think you're whispering, when you are not.

Q. Why did the Denver cops arrest the craft brewer?
A. He was accused of a-malt and beer-tery.

Peaceful Beer Mantra: Make Wort, Not War!

Q. What do you call a beer drinker without a six-pack?
A. Beer belly.

Q. What makes ale pale?
A. Pee.

Lager Laugh of the Day: Beer malts me barley happy!

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
– Benjamin Franklin.

Q. Which style of beer appeals most to composers?
A. Bock.

Brew Pub Fact of the Day: When Chuck Norris walks into a bar, the beer starts to run!

I'm not addicted to beer. We are just in a very committed relationship.

Q. How are Bud Light and making love in a canoe alike?
A. They're both F-ing close to water.

Q. What is the definition of a successful hunting trip?
A. When three men manage to kill nine cases of beer in two days.

Today's Pilsner Fact: Beer cures your ale-ments!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite beer?
A. Bloodweiser.

Bar riddle: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A. A beer in each hand!Chimp remarks: If beer, coffee, or a nap can't cure it, you've got a serious problem!Pitcher of beer says: I don't drink to forget. I drink beause beer is delicious. Forgetting is just a bonus!

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Hoppy Words of Wisdom: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Beer Troubleshooting: If your beer is unusually pale and tasteless, your glass must be empty. So, get somebody to buy you another beer.

Hopped Up Wisdom: Beer doesn't ask silly questions – beer understands.

Q. What is an author's choice alcoholic beverage when writing the first version of a new piece?
A. Draft beer!

Today's Beer Poetry: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Life's a bitch and beer is a must!

Q. Which kind of beer do pharmacists recommend?
A. Pilsner.

Colorado Craft Beer Fact: Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Q. Why don't Coloradans drink Flat Tire beer when they're partying on Saturday night?
A. Why tempt fate or dare the devil?

Clue You're Drinking a Crude Craft Beer: Instead of a wagon pulled by horses, your beer's ad features a wheelbarrow pushed by a big hairy ape.

Beer Thought of the Day: This may be the beer talking, but I'd like another beer.

Q. Why should they allow beer drinking at the workplace?
A. It reduces stress.

True Story: Beer is like pouring smiles on your brain.

Beer Troubleshooting: If you can't remember the words to the song, the beer is just right. So just play air guitar instead of singing.

Q. Why is beer better than a woman?
A. Because beer thinks your karaoke singing at Dubb's Pub in Littleton, Colorado was awesome!

A skeleton walks in a bar and says: "Give me a beer...and a mop."Bear walks into a bar: "I'll have a beer ... and some peanuts." Bartender asks: "Why the big paws?"Beer glass asks: Why does corona go through your system so fast? A. Becuase it doesn't have to stop to change color!

A giraffe walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe replies, "Do I have a choice?"

Q. Which beer do the NY Rockettes and their fans prefer?
A. Heinie Can Can.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

Q. Why is a beer better than religion?
A. You can prove you have a beer.

A pig walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The pig replies, "A pint of Guinea's please."

Sign on craft brew pub: We have beers as cold as your ex's heart.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer never has a headache.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer will always let you have your way with it!

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer doesn't care if you leave the toilet seat up.

Brewed Thought of the Day: Good people drink good beer.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Hangovers go away.

Say "beer can" with a British accent. I just taught you how to say "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.

Did you hear about the opticican? Two glasses, and he made a spectacle of himself.A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a beer is. Bartender says, "For you, no charge."Golf ball says: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!

Beer Point to Ponder: Is enjoying a beer is the pursit of hoppiness!

Q. Why is a beer better than religion?
A. If you did devote your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Q. Why did the ladies really go for the hot craft beer meister?
A. Because he was lager than life.

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. Beer is NEVER late!

A guy came home late after his poker game and saw a note on the refrigerator saying, "This isn't working. I'm going to my mother's house." He opened the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold, so he wasn't sure what she was talking about?

Brew Chemist Fact of the Day: Technically speaking, beer is a solution.

A goldfish walks into a brew pub and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

An anagramist walks into a brew pub. The bartender asks: "Why the clean fog?"

Wise Beer Words of the Day: If at first you don't succeed, try a bottle opener 'cause it must not be a twist-off cap.

Two guys were fishing in a boat when one guy pulled a genie in a bottle out of the lake. The grateful genie grants them one wish. First guys says, "I wish this lake was full of beer." Poof! It's beer. Second guy says, "You idiot, now we have to pee in the boat!"

Beer Point to Ponder: If you can't drive and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy beer?

Beer: Now cheaper than gasoline. So drink, don't drive!

A guy's wife crashed the car again today. She told the cops the man she collided with was on his phone and had a bottle of beer in his hand. The cop replied, "He can do whatever he wants in his living room."

Canned Laugh of the Day: Never text while driving. You might spill your beer.

Q. How do the Colorado Rockies toast a winning baseball season?
A. With a pitcher of craft beer!

| Beer Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer IS Better! | Bartender Puns | 2 | 3 |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2 | 3 | Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Beverage Puns | Soda Funny | Coffee Puns, Java Jokes | 2 |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes | Space Bar Puns, Sci-Fi Bartender Jokes | Drunken Gnomes |
| Bar Jokes, Drinking Humor, Brewed Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Bar Pick-Up Lines |
| Restaurant Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack Puns | Munchies Jokes |


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