Jokes, Loaded Puns, Intoxicated Humor
up to the bar for plastered puns, woozy jokes, inebriated humor and loaded
Proceed at Your Own Peril! Smashed jokes, sloshed humor, soused
laughs and zonked puns ahead.
Drunken Jokes, Tipsy Humor, Drunkard Puns
('Cause Stinko Jokes, Bombed
Humor, and Blotto Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream
if You've Had 1 2 Many!)
| Drunk Puns | Cocktail
Jokes | 2 | 3
| Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka
LOLs | Wry Whiskey Jokes
| Cold Beer Jokes | Ale-ful
Colorado Craft Beer Puns | Beer
IS Better Than... | Bartender
| Wine Jokes | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes
| Scary Drink Puns | Holiday
| Sports Bar Jokes | Animal
Walks Into a Bar Jokes | Sci-Fi Space
Bar Puns | Bar Pick-Up Lines
What is a drunken standup comedian's least favorite kind
of alcoholic beverage?
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to believe you're
invincible. If you're not a superhero, you must be drunk!
Why do drunken winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!
Warning: The over consumption of alcoholic beverages
may cause you to appreciate Painful bar Puns, or
possibly write even more of them.
gnome walks into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,
"Sorry, I can serve you. You're a little drunk."
What do you call a deer that can't quit drinking?
A. An elk-o-holic.
SEO expert walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a
quick shot of whiskey, bourbon, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam,
Seagrams 7, Jameson... Yeah, he walked out drunk,
blitzed, blasted, tipsy, intoxicated, inebriated, zoned,
Point to Ponder: Time is never wasted if you're wasted all
Point to Ponder: Could reality be an illusion that occurs
due to lack of alcohol?
What did the drunken drummer get on his I.Q. test?
drunken amnesiac walks into a bar. He asks the bartender,
"Do I come here often?"
How can you tell if an Amish person is an alcoholic?
A. They literally fall off the wagon.
Factoid of the Day: Carrots may be good for your eyes, but
booze will double your vision.
Who wrote the whiskeyed-up book, Drunkards Of The Old
A. Sal Oon.
Why was the ghost an alcoholic?
A. 'Cause he really liked the boos.
Why did the ghost decide to go to AA?
A. Because he had a problem with BOOze.
What do you call drink after drink?
A. A twofer.
Why did the drunk drop his bottle of hooch in the liquor
store parking lot?
A. 'Cause he just can't hold his booze.
Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already
knew that National Martini Day is June 19.
Who wrote the high-spirited book, Drinking Up the Old
A. Saul Lune.
Fact of the Day: Drinking the wrong alcohol may make you
What does a drunken walrus have in common with a woman at
a Tupperware party?
A. A tight seal.
What was the dry waller doing in the bar all day?
A. Getting plastered.
Why did the drunk blonde bar patron claim to be cosmopolitan?
A. 'Cause she was full of vodka and cranberry juice.
Bar Pickup Poetry: Roses
are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than having
dinner with you.
What did the blonde say after somebody told her to drink
A. Duh! I don't speak French, plus I can't find that brand
The consumption of alcohol may have you wondering what happened
to your bra.
What do you call a prolonged period of over-imbibing?
A. A Drunkathon.
Point to Ponder: Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka. Expensive,
transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia!
Grape Point to Ponder: Is every raisin in that trail mix
a tragic tale of a grape that didn't have the opportunity
to become wine?
Drunk Ass Fact of the Day: Wise men drink wine. Budweiser
men drink beer.
Drunk Pick-Up Line: Hey babe,
I'm not buzzed. I'm just intoxicated by your beauty.
you hear about the wall that went out to celebrate? It got
Fact of the Day: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does
make the question go away.
What did the guy think when the drunken ventriloquist said
she wanted to sleep with the bartender?
A. He didn't know if it was she or the the beer talking.
Het ovre sumpcontion of ahcolol may cause pryctic text
guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets drunk
and passes out. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave
that lyin' there." The guy replies, "that's not
a lion, it's a giraffe."
Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.
What is the drunk guy at the craft beer pub in Breckenridge's
favorite kind of skis?
it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I
can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
– George Burns.
What did the bartender say to the drunk patron who was guzzling
his vodka way too fast?
A. Stop, Russian!
Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help
you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit
Drunk Puns | Cocktail
Jokes | 2 | 3
| Spirited Liquor Puns | Vodka
Jokes | Wry Whiskey Jokes
What happens when a ghost drinks too much?
A. He gets sheet faced!
feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up
in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel
– Frank Sinatra.
What is it called when a prisoner drinks hooch out of a
A. A mug shot.
What did the priest say when he was pulled over for DWI?
A. Good Lord, he's done it again! I only drank water!
told myself that I should stop drinking. but I'm not about
to listen to some dumb drunk who talks to himself.
What do you call a doctor who obstains from recreational
drugs and alcohol?
A. A Dry Doc!
Point to Ponder: If you're an alcoholic if you
drink too much vodka, then are you Fantastic if
you drink too much orange soda?
drunken man gets on a bus, staggers down the aisle, and
sits next to an old lady. She looks at him and says, "I've
got news for you. You're going straight to hell." The
drunk jumps up and screams, "Whoa, I'm on the wrong
not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
– Dean Martin.
How do you get a computer drunk?
A. Give it screen shots of whiskey!
What is a drunken party monster's Halloween slogan?
A. Eat, drink, and be scary!
The over sumconption of alcohol may cause you to
slay things like thish.
Why didn't the entrepanuer in Tennessee open his dream distillery?
A. 'Cause his accountant said that was a whiskey business
Tip of the Day: If you want a promotion at work, just walk
around your office yelling, "Vodka! Tequila! Jack Daniels!"
This makes you the one who calls the shots!
Why do recovering addicts make great bankers?
A. Because they have a lot of experience with withdrawals.
Wisdom: The hardest part of the job is figuring out who
is drunk and who is just stupid.
What do you call drink after drink?
woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency
to thank her.
– W. C. Fields.
Point to Ponder: When the Hulk goes off in a rage and destroys
everything in sight, he's Incredible. But when
Bruce Banner does that, he has a drinking problem?
Drunkard Tip of the Day: You can't drink all day long if
you don't start in the morning.
Why did the alcoholic keep switching between vodka and whiskey?
A. He was great at multi flasking.
Asshole Words of the Day: I like my women like I like my
whiskey – light brown, from the South, and kept in
a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Beer
IS Better! | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Ladies
Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes,
Guy In a Bar LOLs |
| Cocktail Jokes | 2
| 3 | Spirited
Liquor Puns | Vodka Jokes | Wry
Whiskey Jokes | Drunk Puns |
| Sports Bar Jokes, Sport Drinking Puns
| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze
Puns | Alchoholic Jokes |
| Animal Walks Into the Bar Jokes
| Space Bar Puns | Drunken
Holiday Grins | Drunken Gnomes
| Beverage Jokes | Soda
Funny Soft Drink Jokes | Coffee Puns,
Java Jokes, Espresso Humor | 2
| Waiter Jokes | Restaurant
Jokes | Pizza Puns | Burger
Jokes | Hot Dog Humor | Snack
You're thirsting for more,
so here's another round
of laughter, tipsy jokes,
high octane humor and pickled
painful puns for those who like to
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Auto Mechanic Jokes | Bee
Puns | Blonde LOLs | Broncos
Jokes | Chef Puns | Colorado
Jokes | Dalek Jokes |
| Guitarist Jokes | Hipster
Jokes | Horse Jokes | Kangaroo
Jokes | Light Bulb Jokes | Pirate
Jokes | Poker Jokes |
| Police Jokes | Religion
Humor | Saturday Puns | Sci-Fi
Jokes | Sports Jokes | Weed
Laughs | Writer Jokes |
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