Q. Which street do horses live on?
A. Mane Street!

Q. Why did the horse talk with hay in its mouth?
A. It lacked good stable manners.

Q. What do horses say about Painful Puns that feature equines?
A. Neigh!

Q. How did the dude ranch owner figure out which horse was most popular with the dudes?
A. He conducted a Gallop Poll.

Q. What do you call a young guy with the emotional character of a horse?
A. Colt-hearted.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. Because somebody shouted, "Hay!"

Q. What do you call an equine that wears condoms?
A. Trojan Horse.

Q. What kind of horse do you ride down Elm Street?
A. A Nightmare!

Q. Which route do crazy horses take through the forest?
A. The psychopath.

Q. What should you call a horse with no hair on his neck?
A. He shall remain maneless.

Q. What do race horses eat?
A. Fast Food.

Q. Why don't race horses wear underwear?
A. Because it rides up on them.

Q. How did the winning jockey communicate with his horses?
A. He laid all his cards on the stable.

Q. How are jockeys and clouds alike?
A. They both hold reins.

Q. How is an egg like a young horse?
A. You can't use either until they're broken.

Q. When did the horseback trip begin?
A. Ride On Time.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." Horse says, "Yes please. And can I get a beer with that?"

Bag of fertilizer walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You can come in, but don't give me any sh*t."

Q. What sickness can a cowboy get from riding a wild horse?
A. Bronchitis!

Q. Who were the most legendary horse thieves?
A. Bonnie and Clydesdale.

Equine Pick-Up Line: Hay Mare, are you a racehorse? 'Cause when I ride you, you'll always finish first.

Q. What happens when you buy a mini donkey?
A. You get a little ass.

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and a motorcycle?
A. A Yam-Hee-Haw.

Donkey Etiquette Tip of the Day: Burros love it when you use the term: Laughing My ASS Off!

Q. What do you call a donkey that digs a tunnel?
A. A burro.

Equine Chat Up Line: Hey there, I bet the other donkeys are jealous 'cause that's one fine ass.

Q. What do you call a horse that keeps losing its iPad?
A. An Appaloosa!

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Q. Where do horses shop?
A. Old Neigh-vy.

Q. Which type of underwear do race horses wear?
A. Short Jockeys.

Horsey Pick-Up Line: Hay girl, aren't you tired? 'Cause you've been galloping through my mind all evening.

Q. What do you call a donkey with a Ph.D?
A. A smart ass!

Q. What do you get if a donkey eats a porcupine?
A. A pain in the ass.

Q. How do you insult a lazy mule?
A. Call him half-assed!

Q. What did the redneck name his new jackass?
A. KickAss.

Q. What did the horse say when it fell?
A. I've fallen and I can't giddyup!

Q. How does a vet treat a horse with a cold?
A. With cough stirrup.

Q. What do you call a dark horse tale?
A. Black Beauty.

Q. Why did the farmer ride his horse into town?
A. It was too heavy to carry.

Q. How do you save a horse that's been possessed by an evil demon spirit?
A. Perform an ex-horse-ism.

Q. Where do horses get their hair done?
A. Maine.

Q. What do they serve at the dude ranch before the main course?
A. Horse d'oeuvres.

Q. Why did a pony have to gargle?
A. It was a little hoarse.

Q. Which kind of horse really enjoys baked beans?
A. The Pinto.

Q. What happened after a horse swallowed four quarters?
A. It bucked.

Q. What kind of bakery does a horse like?
A. Thoroughbread.

Q. When does a horse talk?
A. Whinny wants to!

Horse Hookup Line: Hay lady, you're a fine little filly. I'm a purebred myself, so you wanna go for a quick trot?

Q. What do you call a cheap guy who owns small horses but doesn't spend much money on them?
A. A pony-pincher.

Q. Which famous Italian friar and philosopher was actually a great horseman?
A. St. Thomas Equinas.

Q. What is a stable diet?
A. Oats.

Q. Why did the jockey quit his job?
A. He wanted a change of pace.

Q. What do you call a donkey with a banjo?
A. Bluegr-ass.

Q. What do you call a bar fight with donkeys?
A. Whoop ass.

Q. What do donkeys send out at Christmas time?
A. Mule-tide greetings.

Q. What do you call it when you drop the little donkey you were carrying because Painful Puns cracked you up so much?
A. Laughing your ass off.

Racy Horse Pick-Up Line: Hay there big fella, if I ran a race with you, I'd let you come first every time!

Q. What is it called when donkeys party loudly?
A Cele-bray-ting.

Q. Which award was presented to the journalist who broke the story about asses that genetically modify donkeys?
A. The Mule It Surprise.

Q. How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A. Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, one beaver and several thousand hares.

Q. Who helps the horse stable cleaning guy?
A. His co-pile-it!

Q. What do you call a noisy horse?
A. A herd animal!

Stallion Pick-Up Line: Hey Mare, I'd love to foal-fill all of your needs tonight.

Q. What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
A. One is reined up, and the other rains down.

Q. What do horses see before they hear thunder?
A. A lightning colt.

Today's Horsing around: Horses do not love the idea of being urged to go faster because it's spur of the moment.

Q. What do you call a race horse that wins a lot money for its owner?
A. A thorough bread winner.

Q. What do you call a horse that has sold almost all of its pickups?
A. A a one truck pony.

Unicorn Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I have got a major horn on for y

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