What did the alien say when he landed at a stud farm? Take me to your breeder!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. After the bank robbery, why did the owner buy cows? A. To beef up security!
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!
Q. What was the name of the cow knight? A. Sir Loin!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To boldly go where no chicken has gone before! – James T Kirk
Did you hear about the pigs who put on a musical? They really like to ham it up!


Farmer Humor, Fresh Farm Puns, Farming Laughs
Grow along with funny farm jokes, fresh fowl puns, cheep laughs and plucky farm animal humor.

Farmer Jokes, Fowl Puns, Farm Animal Humor
(Because City Jokers and Smoggy Puns Are TOO Mainstream for Hipster Hogs, Slick Chickens, and Coy Cows!)
Warning: Fertilizer Animals Present. Watch Where You Wallow! The manure isn't the most painful thing ahead.
| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Come-Onss |
| Fun On the Farm | Farm Crop Puns | Dairy Farm Jokes | Cow Puns | Bull Puns | Cowboy Jokes |
| Horse Jokes | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Pig Puns | Chicken Jokes | Rooster Puns | Goose LOLs |
| Farm Criminal Jokes | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes | Farm Animal Astronaut Jokes |

Q. Why was the pig benched during the football game? A. For playing dirty!Q. What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A. Show us your calves!Q. Why did this chicken cross the road? A. Because she's an independent female flightless bird!

Q. Why can't you play basketball with pigs?
A. Because they're too short and they always hog the ball.

Q. What did the entrepreneur pigs name their laundromat?
A. The Hogwash!

Q. What happens when you put pigs in a Broadway musical?
A. They squeal the show!

Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.

Q. How do you describe a very fit bull that goes to the gym?
A. Beefy.

Did you know that farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turnip the covers and endive into bed?

Q. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
A. He tractor down.

Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive wheat to wheat.

Q. What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
A. Hen-durance!

Q. What do you call a Mexican chicken that vehemently disagrees with you?
A. Chic-a-NO.

Q. What happened to the chicken whose feathers all pointed the wrong way?
A. She was tickled to death!

Q. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a duck?
A. A bird that lays down!

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "Buddy, you read my mind1"A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!Q. What do you call a cow with a nervous twitch? A. Beef jerky!

Q. What do you call a stallion carpenter with a stud finder?
A. A sawhorse.

Q. What do you call a horse that's traveled all over the world?
A. A globe trotter.

Q. Who rode a horse up the hill to fetch a pail of water?
A. Jockey and Jill.

Q. What do you call the negative horse that lives next door to you?
A. Your Neighbor.

Q. What does a sneaky chicken do?
A. Hatch up a plan.

Q. How can you tell a fugitive chicken flew the coop?
A. She's still wearing hen-cuffs!

Q. Why does a chicken coup have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan!

Q. Why is it so easy for henhouse chickens to speak?
A. Because talk is cheep.

Q. What happens when a mad cow gets loose?
A. Udder Destruction!

Q. Where do cows on the moove like to eat lunch?
A. The calf-eteria!

Q. Which beef steak can see into Saturday night's dinner plans?
A. A Rare Medium.

Q. How can you tell your cow is really sad?
A. She's udderly mooved to tears.

Q. What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A. A Moo-Sician!Q. How are pirates and strawberry farmers different? A. A pirate buries his treasure but a farmer treasures his berries!Q. What did one horse say to another? A. The pace is familiar, but I can't remember the mane!

Q. How can you tell if your steak enjoys classical music?
A. It frequents the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

Q. What is a cow's favorite rock band?
A. Mootley Crue.

Today's Farm Trivia: Did you know that cows like Marvin Gaye? Yes, I heard it through the bovine.

Q. Which band is a cow's favorite?
A. The Moo-dy Blues.

Q. What new crop did the farmer plant?
A. Beets me...

Retro Hippie Farmer Thought of the Day: Bean thinking how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl and a goat?
A. A Hoot-n-nanny!

Did you hear about the farmer whose son hated the country and got a job in the city as a shoe shine boy? The farmer made hay while the son shone.

Q. What do you call a horse that keeps losing its iPad?
A. An Appaloosa!

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Q. Why was the racehorse naked?
A. Because his jockey fell off.

Q. Where do trendy horses manely shop?
A. Old Neigh-vy.

Q. What do you call rude Canada geese in a Colorado park? A. @#$%^&*! And, Coloradans are pretty polite.Q. What do you get if you cross a lamb and a rocket? A. Space Sheep!Q. What happened when the pig pen broke? A. They switched to a pencil!

Q. What do you call a very rude goose?
A. A Mockingbird!

Q. How do you get a silly goose to stop calling you?
A. Take away its phone.

Q. Why couldn't anybody see the goose?
A. Because it was in da skies.

Q. What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
A. Fowl Weather!

Ducky Goose Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you a Canadian coin? 'Cause I'm goin' loony over you.

Q. What do sheep wear at work?
A. Ewe-niforms.

Q. What did the ram say when his wife really hoped for something?
A. Ewe wish!

Q. What do you call a sheep out in the rain?
A. A wet blanket.

Q. What does an egotistical, ambitious sheep want more than anything else?
A. To wool the world.

Q. Why was the lamb arrested on the freeway?
A. Because she did a ewe turn.

Q. What did the piglets do when the neighbors game console broke?
A. They cried Wii Wii Wii all the way home.

Q. How do pigs communicate with others?
A. They use swine language!

Q. What do you call a pig with no legs?
A. A Groundhog!

Q. If wild pigs could live anywhere in the world, where would they choose?
A. Boar-a Boar-a.

Q. What happens if you cross a pig and a politican?
A. Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't mess with.

| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Farm Pick-Up Lines |
| Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Fun On the Farm | Dairy Farm Jokes |
Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes | ...And Cross Again? |
| Rooster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Egg Jokes | Turkey Jokes | 2 | Goose Jokes | Fowl LOLs | Duck Puns | 2
| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On Moon | Bull Puns | Beefy Humor | Ranch Puns, Cowboy Jokes |
| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes |
| Farm Animal Astronaut Jokes | Garden Animal LOLs | Animal Pick-Up Lines | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Xmas Animal Puns |

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