Q. Why do horses fart when they buck? A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. What did one horse say to another? A. The pace is familiar, but I can't remember the mane!
Q. When do vampires like horse racing? A. When it's neck & neck!
Q. What did the horse say when it fell? A. I've fallen and I can't giddy up!
I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1, and it did! But, all the others came in at 12:30!


Horse Humor, Equine Jokes, Hilarious Horses
Hay, trot by for whoa-ful pony puns, bucking funny horse jokes, and fast race horse humor.

Horse Jokes, Equine Humor, Horsing Around
(Because Urban Jokes and City Puns Are TOO Mainstream for Hipster Horses, Punny Ponies, and Stud Farms!)
Warning: Horses Present. Watch Your Step! Stable humor and jockey shorts aren't the most painful thing ahead.
| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
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Q. How do you get a horse drunk? A. Drink him under the stable!Sir Lancelot had a bad dream about his horse. It was a knight mare.Q. How do modern cowboys stay in touch? A. They send tex messages!

Q. How does a horse from Kentucky greet another equine?
A. With southern horse-pitality!

Q. What do you get if you cross a horse and a bee?
A. Neigh Buzz!

Q. Why did the rancher name his horse Flattery?
A. Because it got him nowhere.

Q. Why was the horse naked?
A. Because his jockey fell off.

Q. Why did the Sir Lancelot's horse miss the jousting match?
A. It was his knight off.

Q. Where did knights park their horses?
A. In a Lancelot.

Q. What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
A. Sherbet.

Q. Where do newlywed horses stay on their honeymoon?
A. The bridle suite.

Did you hear about the guy who bet on a horse because it had excellent breeding? After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

Q. Which illness do horses hate most?
A. Hay Fever!

Q. Which musical is a fan favorite of horses?
A. Fiddler on the Hoof.

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
A. It means some unfortunate horse is walking around barefoot.

Did you hear about the blonde water polo player? Her horse drowned!Q. How do you compliment a donkey? A. "Hay, nice ass!"Q. What is a horse's favorite sport? A. Stable Tennis!

Q. Why did the blonde cowboy only wear one spur?
A. Duh! Where one side of the horse goes, the other side will go, too!

Q. How did the cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay for three days, and ride out on Friday?
A. His horse's name is Friday!

Q. What do you give to a sick horse?
A. Cough Stirrup!

Horse Pick-Up Line: Hay Mare, how would you like to join my exclusive racing club?

Q. What do you call a donkey that suffered a brain injury?
A. A dumb ass.

Donkey Etiquette Pointer of the Day: Burros hate it when you use the term: Freezing My ASS Off!

Q. What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS?
A. A Comp-ass.

Q. Why don't mules ever do a good job?
A. Because they do everything half ass!

Q. Why are most horses in such great shape?
A. Because they eat a stable diet.

Q. What do you call a horse that's traveled all over the world?
A. A globe trotter.

Q. Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
A. He thought he'd get a kick out of it.

Q. What is black and white, and eats like a horse?
A. A Zebra.

Stallion Come-On Line: Hey Mare, I am hung like a horse!

Horse Says: Happy Saddle Day!Horsing Around: If ya wanna make money as a comedian, you gotta have a cents of humor.Q. Why did the anorexic blonde start eating hay? A. Her doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse!

Did you know that Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the neck? All of its descendants are known as giraffes.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A. A Mechanic!

Q. What do you call extremely noisy horses?
A. Herd animals.

Little Miniature Horse Pick-Up Line: Hay there, girl.

Q. How much money did the bronco have?
A. Just one buck.

Q. How do you get a horse drunk?
A. Drink him under the stable.

Q. When do vampires really get into horse racing?
A. Only when it's neck and neck!

Horse Chat Up Line: Hay baby, how 'bout you lose that saddle and come be my mane squeeze?

Q. What do you call a stallion carpenter with a stud finder?
A. A sawhorse.

Q. What did the mommy horse say to the foal?
A. Hay, it's pasture bedtime!

Q. Which kind of computer do horses prefer?
A. Apple.

Horse Come-On Line: Hay girl, I'd like to have a stable relationship with you!

Q. What did the waiter say to the horse? A. Sorry, I can't take your order. That's not my stable!Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!

Q. What is the quickest way to ship a little horse?
A. Use the Pony Express!

Q. Which kind of horse can jump higher than a house?
A. All of them. Houses can't jump!

Q. Which variety of eggplant do horses cultivate?
A. Black Beauty.

Q. What do they say about horse surgeons?
A. They have stable hands.

A man fell in love with his donkey and decided to marry her. At the wedding, the minister said, "Well, this is refreshing. Usually it's the woman who marries the ass."

Q. Which beast of burden isn't allowed over the border?
A. A drug mule.

Q. Why did the Donkeys win every football game?
A. Because they have a twenty-mule team.

Q. What did one horse say to another?
A. The face looks familiar, but I don't remember the mane.

Did you hear about the runaway horse? It's a terrible tale of whoa!

Q. Which kind of horse can swim under water without coming up for air?
A. A seahorse.

Q. Why are successful rodeo cowboys so rich?
A. Because every bronco gives them a buck or two.

| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On Moon | Bull Puns | Beefy Humor | Ranch Puns, Cowboy Jokes |
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes |
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| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Farm Pick-Up Lines |

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