Q. What Did the Coach Say to His Losing Team of Snakes? A. You Can't Venom All!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Q. What do possums and Denver Broncos have in common? A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! Go Broncos!
You might be from Colorado if you've seen this guy skiing on Peak Nine!
Did you hear about the blonde water polo player? Her horse drowned!
Trying to putt with so many geese on the green is for the birds! and that's putting it mildly!
Q. Why did the chicken's coach cross the basketball court? A. It heard the referee calling fowls!
You might be from Colorado if you'd rather run with the squatch, than run away!
Q. What's the difference between a Denver Broncos hater and a carp? A. One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish! Go Broncos!
Q. Why do Canada geese fly upside down over the Broncos' stadium? A. There's nothing worth crappon on! GO Broncos!
Q. What's the difference between a Denver Broncos fan and a mosquito? A. Mosquitos are only annoying during the summer! Go Broncos!


Animal Sports Jokes and Athlete Animal Puns
Play along with funny animal athlete humor, sporting critter jokes, and fauna sports puns.

Athletic Animal Jokes & Animal Sports Humor
(Because Team Mascot Jokes and Animal Athlete Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Home Town Sports Fans!)
Warning: Bet at Your Own Risk! Hive scoring sports humor, fowl play jokes, and short sloppy puns ahead.
| Sports Jokes | Baseball Jokes | Football Puns | Basketball LOLs | Boxing Puns | Fishing Jokes |
| Sports Animal Jokes | Bronco Puns | Gorilla Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | 2 | Colorado Bigfoot Jokes |
| Animal Bar Jokes | Bee Puns | Spider Jokes | Bear Puns | Snake Humor | Animal Poop Puns |
| Pig Puns | Elephant Jokes | Colorado Wildlife Humor | Animal Pick-Ups | Animal Music Jokes |

Q. Why are spiders great tennis players? A. Because they have great topspin!Q. Which insect never plays quarterback? A. The Fumble Bee!Q. Why did the pig lose the race? A. He pulled his ham string!

Q. Why did the Labrador Retriever advise his master to invest in tennis balls?
A. 'Cause they have such a high rate of return!

Q. Where do gluttons prefer to play tennis?
A. At the food court.

Q. Why are spiders such great basketball players?
A. Because they're all eight-footers!

Q. Why did the spider take swimming lessons?
A. She wanted to surf the web!

Q. What did the bumblebee running back say after getting a touchdown?
A. Hive Scored!

Q. Why didn't the dinosaur go to the gym?
A. 'Cause he did not believe in the survival of the fittest. OUCH!

Q. How did T-Rex feel after his last killer workout?
A. Dino-sore!

Q. What is it called when a dinosaur makes a touchdown?
A. A dino-score.

Two chameleons walk into a gym. First one says, "Spot me, bro." His bud replies, "Who said that?"

Q. What do you call a monkey who wins the Stanley Cup?
A. Chimp-ion!

Q. Why can't you play hockey with pigs?
A. Because they hog the puck.

Q. What is the worst thing about becoming a pro alligator wrestler?
A. You have to start as an amatuer alligator wrestler first.

Q. What is the pig baseball player's favorite position? A. Short Slop!Q. What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach? A. A Pything!Q. Why was the pig ejected from the football game? A. For Playing Dirty!

Q. Why were there cows on the baseball field?
A. Because they were looking for the bullpen!

Q. Why do chickens make bad umpires?
A. 'Cause they always call fowl balls.

Q. What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A. A fly swatter!

Q. Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
A. She hoped to catch some fowl balls.

Q. How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
A. Both make fowl calls.

Q. Why do seals swim in salt water?
A. 'Cause it's a sea-lion solution.

Q. How do veterinarians treat a crocodile who has trouble swimming?
A. With a medicine for e-reptile-dysfunction.

Q. Where all can a 3-legged dog swim?
A. Just three feet below the surface.

Q. Which cartoon dog swims under water?
A. Scuba-Doo.

Q. Why do spiders make surprisingly good swimmers?
A. 'Cause they have webbed feet.

Q. Why did the shark keep swimming around in circles?
A. 'Cause it had a nosebleed.

Q. Which stinging animal is suprisingly great at football?
A. The score-pion.

Q. Why didn't the dog want to play football?
A. It was a boxer!

Q. What do you call the big monkey that scored the winning touchdown?
A. Chimpion!

Q. What are the rules in zebra baseball?
A. Three stripes, and you're out!

Q. What does every sole fisherman want?
A. A gill-friend!

Racy Turtle Joke of the Day: Rabbits hate relay batons. Pass it on!

Q. What is a horse's favorite sport? A. Stable Tennis!Q. Why was the pig benched during the football game? A. For playing dirty!Q. Why aren't fish good tennis players? A. They don't like getting close to the net!

Q. What do you call a donkey athlete on steroids?
A. Ass-teroid.

Q. What is a prize fighter's favorite dog?
A. The Boxer.

Q. Why do birdies hate Badminton?
A. Being shuttlecocked sounds terrifying!

Q. What is an inverted pigeon in yoga class?
A. It's what's under the downward dog.

Q. What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
A. Mad hops.

Q. Why was the chicken ejected from the football game?
A. For persistent fowl play.

Q. What do you call a pig who never passes the basketball?
A. A ball hog.

Q. Why was the blonde basketball player sitting on the bench doodling chickens?
A. 'Cause the coach asked her to draw fowls.

Q. What didn't the athletic dog want to play soccer with the neighborhood kids?
A. 'Cause he was a boxer.

Q. Why are frogs great outfielders?
A. Because they never miss a fly!

Q. What do frogs do when they ski?
A. They rip it.

Q. What is a whale's favorite swimming stroke?
A. The blubber-fly.

Q. Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
A. He pulled a mussel.

Q. What do you get if you cross a basketball and a snake?
A. A bouncing baby boa!

Q. Which sport was invented by pigs? A. Mud Wrestling!Q. Why don't grasshoppers attend football games? A. They prefer cricket matches!Q. Which sporting event do hogs hold every four years? A. The Olympigs!

Q. Why did the big ape spend so much time on the golf course?
A. He was perfecting his swing.

My dog, Minton, ate two shuttlecocks. Bad, bad, Minton!

Q. What do you call guys who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons.

Q. Why did the blonde swim with the dolphins?
A. It gives her a true sense of porpoise.

Q. What was the fastest bug competition ever held in the Olympics?
A. Quicket, in 1900.

Q. Which direction do chickens swim?
A. Cluck-wise.

Q. Why was the chicken taken out of the baseball game?
A. For persistant fowl balls.

Q. Which pro bowler boasted he could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee?
A. Mohammed Alley.

Q. Why was the spotted cat disqualified from the Olympics?
A. He was a confirmed Cheetah.

Q. What was the fastest dinosaur that competed in the Jurassic Olympics?
A. The Prontosaurus.

Q. Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
A. 'Cause pepper makes them sneeze.

Q. Why can't two elephants go swimming at the same time?
A. Only one pair of trunks!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? A. She heard the ref was blowing fowls!Q. What is an elephant's favorite sport? A. Squash.Q. Where do football players shop during the off season? A. The Tackle Shop!

Q. What do chickens work on at the gym?
A. Their pecks!

Q. What is the difference between a basketball player and a dog?
A. One dribbles and the other drools.

Q. Why don't fish like basketball?
A. Because they're afraid of the net.

Q. Why are kangaroos so good at basketball?
A. Because they always make jump shots.

Q. Why are elephant boxing matches so confusing?
A. 'Cause both contestants have gray trunks.

Q. What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
A. One's a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.

Q. What did the player on the Bumblebee baseball team say after crossing home plate?
A. Hive Scored!

Q. Why shouldn't you golf in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs there.

Q. Which swimming stroke are sheep really great at?
A. The baaackstroke.

Q. What do you call a crocodile that likes to go bowling?
A. An alley-gator.

Q. Why did the oyster go to the gym?
A. 'Cause it's good for the mussels.

Q. Why are crabs such slow swimmers?
A. 'Cause they prefer the crawl.

Q. How are the Denver Broncos like grizzly bears? A. Every fall they go into hibernation! Go Broncos!Q. Why didn't the dog want to play football? A. He was a Boxer!Q. Which magazine does the big bad wolf read? A. Porks Illustrated!

Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!

Q. Why did the cattle rancher section off an acre to set up boxing rings for his stock?
A. He gave up an awful lot just to see some bulls hit.

Q. How did the blind guy from Denver enjoy a bit of apres skiing on Lookout Mountain during the last white-out?
A. He brought along his skiing-eye dog.

Q. How did the blind guy go skiing in Colorado?
A. He brought along his skiing-eye dog.

Q. What kind of punch does a dog boxer throw?
A. A pupper-cut!

Q. What is a dog's favorite sport?
A. Formula 1 Drooling!

Q. Why aren't centipedes allowed to play on the bug football team?
A. It takes too long to put their cleats on.

Q. What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A. A Dino-Score!

Retired Boxer: Doc, I'm having trouble sleeping.
Doctor: Have you tried counting sheep?
Boxer: Yes, but every time I get to 9, I spring up out of bed!

Q. What do you get if you cross a frog and a baseball player?
A. An outfielder who catches flies, and then eats them!

Q. Which insect has great baseball skills?
A. The Pop Fly.

Q. Why don't male cattle like baseball?
A. Because of the bullpens.

Q. What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A. A baseball team.

Q. Why didn't Noah do any fishing aboard the ark?
A. 'Cause he only had two worms.

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