Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. Cute, but can you breath through it?

OUCH! That last pachyderm pun was completely irrelephant!

Q. What do you call it when you dare to venture out among a bunch of pachyderms?
A. You are braving the elephants.

Q. What did the zoo vet give the elephant that suffered from anxiety attacks?
A. Turnkquilizers.

Q. What do you get when you cross a parrot with an elephant?
A. A chatty creature that tells you everything it remembers. Over and over again...

Q. What do you call a pachyderm with really big ears?
A. EarElephant, but that just doesn't matter.

Q. Where are elephant jokes found?
A. They are so big that they're seldom lost.

Q. How do you describe a wooly mammoth's memory?
A. It's like an elephant's, but a quite a bit fuzzier.

Q. How hard is it to make up funny new elephant jokes?
A. It's a mammoth tusk.

Q. What do you get when you cross a jaguar with a wooly mammoth?
A. A fast car with a big trunk and shag carpeting.

Q. What did the Wooly Mammoth cross the road?
A. 'Cause there weren't any chickens around during the Ice Age.

Q. What does a balding wooly mammoth use as a toupee?
A. A sheep.

Q. What do you get when you cross a wooly mammoth with a kangaroo?
A. A bunch of holes in the ice.

Q. What does a pachyderm do during his spare time?
A. He watches duck-umentaries on ele-vision.

Q. Why do elephants have short tails?
A. 'Cause they're too busy for longer stories.

Q. Why do elephants go to the bar and drink so much?
A. They are trying to forget...

Q. Which Carribean pachyderm sings calypso music?
A. Hairy Elephante.

Q. Why are elephants worse dancers than ducks?
A. 'Cause they have two left feet.

Q. Which brooding masked pachyderm left his love a rose?
A. The Elephantom of the Opera.

Q. How do you know if you've passed an elephant?
A. You can't get the toilet seat lid down.

Q. How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really, really, really big bulb.

Q. How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Elephants are not afraid of the dark!

Q. Why are elephants afraid of computers?
A. 'Cause of the mouse. EEK!

Q. How are elephants and super computers alike?
A. Both have big memories.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with Google?
A. A gigantic know-it-all.

Q. What does an architect get when he crosses an elephant and a Star Wars villain?
A. An elevader.

Blonde Zoo Keeper: I lost one of the elephants.
Head Zoo Keeper: Did you put an ad in the newspaper lost and found section?
Blonde: No silly, elephants can't read. DUH!

Q. How do you make an elephant fly?
A. Hire an elephant tailor.

Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
A. Only Chuck Norris can fold an airplane out of an elephant.

Q. Which type of pachyderm can fly?
A. The Propelephant.

Q. How can you tell that an elephant is ready for a vacation?
A. His trunk is packed and ready to go.

Q. Why do elephants have trunks?
A. 'Cause that's easier than lugging around a suitcase.

Q. What was an elephant doing on the Interstate highway?
A. About 15 MPH.

Q. Why do elephants only have a trunk?
A. 'Cause they have no need for a glove compartment.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and whale?
A. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q. How do you lift an elephant with just one hand?
A. You can't. Elephants don't have hands.

Today's Pachyderm Fact: Elephants can grow up to eleven feet, but most only have four.

Q. How do elephants stay cool in the hot jungle?
A. Ear conditioning.

Q. What does an elephant do if he hurts his big toe?
A. He calls a big toe truck.

Q. Which kind of pachyderm has an extra large trunk?
A. The Smellephant.

Q. How can you stop an elephant from smelling?
A. Tie his trunk in a knot.

Q. Why were the elephants the last to leave Noah's Ark?
A. Because they had to pack their trunks.

Q. What is the biggest thing in Africa these days?
A. Elephants!

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A. A two-ton pickup.

Q. What should you do if you come across an elephant?
A. Wipe it off. EW!

Q. What do elephants use for condoms?
A. Hefty Lawn and Leaf Bags.

Q. How do you get down from an elephant?
A. You can't! You get down from a goose.

Q. What is big and gray, and has a lot of horns?
A. The Elephant Marching Band.

Q. What does a bald elephant use as a toupee?
A. A few hares.

Q. Why can't an elephant ride a unicycle?
A. 'Cause elephants aren't allowed in clown college.

Q. What do elephants and pecan trees have in common?
A. Both have big nuts.

Q. Why are elephants so poor?
A. Because they work for peanuts.

Q. Which kind of insect is so strong that it can fell a tree?
A. An elephANT.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cow?
A. Peanut Butter.

Q. How are old elephants and old oak trees alike?
A. They both have big trunks.

Q. Why diid the elephant run away from the circus?
A. 'Cause the pay was peanuts.

Pachyderm Pick-Up Line: Hey Ella, you are looking Ella-phant-astic.

(Hell if I know!)

Q. What happens when you cross an elephant and a joey?
A. Gigantic holes all over Australia.

Q. What happens if you cross an elephant with an Idaho spud?
A. You get mashed potatoes.

Q. What do you get if you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
A. An elephant with great eyesight that really likes carrots.

Q. What do you say when a baby elephant acts up?
A. Tusk, tusk.

Q. How do elephants stay in touch?
A. They use an elephone.

Q. Why don't elephants play poker in the jungle?
A. 'Cause there are too many cheetahs there.

Q. Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A. They couldn't keep their trunks up.

Q. What do you get if you cross a trout and an elephant?
A. Fishing trunks.

Q. What do you get after you get an elephant out of the water?
A. Wet.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a whale?
A. Size XXL swimming trunks.

Q. How did two elephants under one small umbrella stay dry?
A. It wasn't raining!

Q. What do you call a pachyderm that's covered in mud?
A. Dirty.

Q. Why did the zookeeper refuse to clean up the elephant exhibit?
A. Because the work just kept piling up.

Q. Where can you find dead elephants?
A. Right where you left them.

Q. Why did the elephant paint her toenails red?
A. She aspired to get a job as an experienced grape stomper in Italy.

Q. Why did the elephant paint her toenails red?
A. She ran out of pink nail polish.

Q. Why did the cops give the elephant a ticket?
A. For running a STOmP sign.

Q. What is the biggest ant on earth?
A. The elephANT.

Q. Which kind of pachyderm just doesn't matter?
A. The Irrelephant.

Q. What do you call a female Wooly Mammoth of breeding age?
A. Mommoth.

Q. Why did all the mammoths die out?
A. 'Cause there weren't enough daddoths around.

Q. What is the world's largest gray flying insect?
A. Mammoth.

Q. What is large and gray, and runs away from the ball?
A. Cinderelephant.

Q. Why are elephant boxing matches so confusing?
A. 'Cause both contestants have gray trunks.

Q. Why are elephants such good office workers?
A. 'Cause they're natural-born multi-tuskers.

Q. What is the big difference between Indian elephants and African elephants?
A. About 3000 miles.

Q. What is an elephant's favorite animated Disney film?
A. Elephantasia.

Q. Which kind of pachyderm flies over Africa?
A. The Dumbo Jet.

Q. How did the male elephant find a female elephant?
A. Very attractive.

Q. Who leaves Christmas presents for pachyderms?
A. Elephanta Claus.

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.