Q. What do you get when you cross a turtle with an igloo?
A. A tort-ice.

Q. What do you call a turtle who's a real jerk?
A. Tort-ass.

Terrapin Point to Ponder: Is a barber's favorite turtle joke the one about the tortoise and the hair?

Q. What happened when a tornado demolished the truck transporting tortoises to the zoo?
A. It was a turtle disaster.

Q. What do you call a really boring tortoise?
A. Turt Dull.

Q. What do you call a terrapin that's covered in mud?
A. Dirt-le.

Q. What is a popular turtle movie star called?
A. A shell-ebrity.

Q. What does a tortoise say when everything is going his way?
A. Trutle-y Awesome!

Q. What do you call a tortoise that's moving closer to your location?
A. Toward-tle.

Q. What is a turtle's bowel movement called?
A. A turd-all waste.

Q. What's another name for little mounds of turtle poop in the forest?
A. Turd stools.

Q. What do you call a giant pile of tortoise crap?
A. A Turd Hill.

Impatient Customer: How long do I have to wait for the turtle soup?
Waiter: Well sir, you do realize turtles are really slow...

Q. How do tortoises describe deja vu?
A. Turtle-y weird.

Q. What does a terrapin say when its not feeling well?
A. Turt ill!

Q. How hearty do turtles party?
A. They have a shell of a good time.

Q. Which kind of tortoise enjoys little pies and pastries?
A. The tart-le.

Q. What do a terrapin in love call his girlfriend?
A. Tur-doll.

Q. What do you call a turtle that refrains from sexual relations?
A. Shell-ibate.

Q. What do you call two mating terrapins on top of each other?
A. Tier-tles.

Q. What' does a tortoise do during a dangerous weather event?
A. Shell-ter in place.

Q. Why was the turtle a runway fashion model?
A. She had one shell of a good body.

Q. What do you get when you cross a land turtle with a cobra?
A. A Tort-asp.

Q. Why don't turtles use varnish?
A. 'Cause they prefer shellac.

Q. What sort of punishmnt might a bratty young turtle receive?
A. A good shellac-ing.

Q. Why didn't the tortoise cross the road?
A. 'Cause it was just too turtled.

Q. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A. A slow poke.

Q. What is a tortoise chef's favorite small kitchen appliance?
A. A slow cooker.

Q. What do you call the tortoise that sped down the road?
A. Tore-tle.

Q. Which fast cars did slow old turtles drive in the 1960s?
A. Shell-by Mustansg.

Q. How do fellow reptiles describe the psychic tortoise's predictions?
A. Turtle-y uncanny.

Q. What do gambler tortoises call the kitty at the poker table?
A. Tur-till.

Q. Which company do turtles go to for homeowner's insurance?
A. Shell-ter.

Q. What powers a turtle's flashlight?
A. Two D shell batteries.

Q. What do you call a tortoise that likes to get ripped on Saturday night?
A. Tear-tle.

Q. Who was the coldest turtle classic movie star?
A. Shelley Winters.

Q. What does a biker turtle wear to protect itself on the highway?
A. A shell-met.

Q. Which extinct turtle was discovered in the La Brea Pit?
A. The Tar-tle.

Q. What do you get when you cross a flamingo with a terrapin?
A. A Bird-le.

Customer: I found a hair in my turtle soup.
Dumb Waiter: Dude, really? That means the turtle and the hare finally got together!

Q. Which veggie won when the lettuce and carrot raced against the tortoise and the hare?
A. The lettuce was always a head.

Racy Turtle Joke of the Day: Rabbits hate relay batons. Pass it on!

Q. What do terrapins think about global warming?
A. It's a turd-all disaster.

Q. What do you call a turtle who just can't stop talking about his recent vacation?
A. Tour Tell.

Q. What kind of lube do mating tortoises use?
A. Turt-oil.

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.