A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "So, why the long face?"   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Wildlie Humor, Beary Funny Jokes!

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Q. What Do You Call a Man Who Drinks and Falls Off His Horse? A. Wine-Stoned Cowboy
Wine Humor: Q. Which breed of dog can bring you a glass of red wine? A. The bordeaux vollie!
A baby seal walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "What can I get you?" Seal replies: "Anything but a Canadian club."
This fish is glad it's finally Friday!

Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
Camel Says: Happy Hump Day!
Tiger Says: Caturday was going so well until I realized it was Sunday?

 


Animal Walks Into a Bar Jokes, Animal Bar Humor
Lap up fauna drinking puns, drunk animal humor, wildlife bar laughs and liquored up critter jokes.

Animal Drinking Jokes and Drunk Animal Puns
(Because Party Animal Puns and Stinko Skunks Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If the Bar's Full of Drunken Beasts!)
Warning: Proceed With Caution! Woozy creature jokes, tipsy horse humor, and ducked up animal puns ahead.
| Animal Bar Puns | Cheeky Monkey Jokes | Stoner Monkey Jokes | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns |
| Gorilla Jokes and Big Ape Puns | Bigfoot Jokes | Sasquatch Jokes | Colorado Bigfoot Jokes |
| Elephant Jokes, Mammoth Puns | Lion Jokes, Big Cat Puns | Bear Jokes | Colorado Wildlife |
| Bar Jokes | Bartender Puns | Crafty Beer Jokes | Wine Jokes | Cocktail Jokes | Drunk Jokes |

Q. How do you get a horse drunk? A. Drink him under the stable!Bar joke: A bee walks into a bar. It comes out two hours later, buzzing!Chimp asks: Where does a monkey go to grab a beer? A. The monkey bars!

A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks, "Why the short face?"

Q. Which type of wine do horses request most often?
A. Chardon-neigh.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." Horse says, "Yes please. And can I get a beer with that?"

A Shetland pony walks into a bar, has a few drinks, and leaves $10 on the bar. Bartender says, "Sorry pal, you're short."

Q. What did Miss Kitty say to the horse that rambled into her bar in Dodge City?
A. Sorry stud, I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

Horse Pick-Up Line Overheard at the Local Saloon: Hay there Mare, you must be tired, 'cause you've been trotting through my mind all day!

A horse, a pony, a stallion, a mare, a colt, a steed and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Shalom! Is this some kind of joke?"

A bee walks into a bar. Bartender mockingly says, "What'll it BEE pal?" The bee sneers, "Why don't you just buzz off?"

A bat flies into a bar and asks for another drink. Bartender says, "There must be an echo in here."

Q. How did the frog describe the new Colorado craft beer that was really terrific?
A. Toad-ally Awesome!

Q. What do you call an illegally parked frog in front of the liquor store?
A. Toad!

Q. What did the frog at the saloon say when his newt friend said, Time flies when you're having fun?
A. No! It's "Time's fun when you're having flies!"

Q. Why are frogs such happy bar customers?
A. Because they just gulp down anything bugs them!

Q. What kind of music do likker frogs enjoy most?
A. Hip Hop.

Q. What do you call a monkey who works in a bar?
A. A monkey wench.

Q. What do monkeys do to make each other laugh during happy hour?
A. They drink beer and tell punny jokes about humans!

A guy and a dog are having a few drinks at the bar. So the dog says, "That's ruff, but you think your wife's a bitch?"

A dachshund walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a long one.

Q. What is a worst-case rescue scenario?
A. The Saint Bernard arrives with an empty keg around his neck.

Q. What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A. About a six pack.

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!Bear Walks Into a Bar: "I'll have a beer ... and some peanuts." Bartender asks: "Why the big paws?"

Q. What did the bartender say to the dung beetle that walked into the bar?
A. Just pull up a stool.

Grasshopper hops into a bar. Bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

Q. Why didn't the bartender serve the snake?
A. Because he couldn't hold his beer.

Q. What did the bartender say to the chamelon that walked into the bar?
A. Okay, if your wife calls, I didn't see you.

Q. What did the bartender say to the gecko that walked into the bar?
A. So, you're looking for some tail?

A guy walks into a bar with a small salamander on his shoulder. Bartender asks, "What do you call that?" Guy replies, "Oh I call him Tiny, because he's my newt."

Q. What do you call a donkey with a drinking problem?
A. Wine GLASS.

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey at a biker bar?
A. A Yam-Hee-Haw.

Q. What do you call a donkey that drinks too much?
A. Wonkey!

Q. How do you get a dumb ass donkey drunk?
A. Drink him under the stable.

Q. What do you call a deer that can't quit drinking?
A. An elk-o-holic.

Q. What do lady reindeer do while the guys are out at the bar drinking with Santa?
A. They head down to the Elks Club to blow a few bucks.

Q. Why do polar bears make such great bartenders?
A. Because they really know how to break the ice.

Q. What did the bear brew chemist get when he crossed a skunk and a beer?
A. Winnie the Pee-Yoo.

Q. What did the bartender say after the beaver walked into his bar?
A. Please shut the dam door!

Weasel walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You look under age. I can't serve you alcohol." "I'll have a pop," goes the weasel.

Beaver walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beavers here. Beaver says, "Dam!"

Drunken Animal Come-On: Hey baby, I wish you and I were squirrels, so I could bust a nut in your hole.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "Buddy, you read my mind1"Lots oof fish in the sea are glad it's finally Friday!Kangaroo asks: What happened after the kangaroo drank beer? A He was all hopped up!

A thirsty cow walks into a bar. The bartender asks what she'd like. So, the cow replies, "Moonshine."

Another cow walks into the bar wearing priest's robes. Bartender says, "Holy cow!"

Then, a bull walks into a bar to have a snort!

A calf walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to serve him because he's under age. So the calf stomps out saying, "Fine, I'll just go some udder place."

Q. Why did the farmer put brandy in the cows' feed?
A. He wanted to raise stewed beef.

A steer walks into a bar in Brush, Colorado. Bartender asks, "Have you herd any good jokes lately?"

An ox walks into a bar. Bartender remarks, "Oh, off the wagon again?"

Q. What do you call a dangerous fish that drinks too much?
A. A beer-a-cuda!

Q. What did the bartender say to the fish that walked into the bar?
A. Shouldn't you be in school?

A fish walks into a bar and orders a scotch and water, and tells the bartender: "Hold the Scotch, and bring it in a large bowl."

Q. What do dirty shellfish read when the come home alone after a night out drinking?
A. Prawno magazines.

Q. Why don't crabs ever pay for a round of drinks at the bar?
A. Because they're shellfish!

Fishy Bar Come-On Line: Hey bae, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I want to catch right now and mount back at my cabin.

Q. What is an Aussie bear's favorite drink?
A. Whiskey and Koka-Koala!

Q. Why do rabbits prefer IPA?
A. Because it's hoppy.

Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied, "We're all ears."

Down Unda the Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you be the eucalyptus tree, and I'll wrap around you like a koala bear.

Q. What kind of vodka do Canadian deer drink?
A. Grey Moose.

Brewed Point to Ponder: Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?

Q. What do ducks get after they've been drinking at the bar all night?
A. A bill.

Polar Bear, Giraffe, and Penguin Walk Into a Bar. Bartender says: "What? Is This Some Kind of a Joke?"A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says: "$4." Duck replies: "Put it on my bill."Fish says: Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day!

A giraffe walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe replies, "Do I have a choice?"

A giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry," said the bartender, "We don't serve Heineken here."

A giraffe walked in to a bar. The bartender asked, "What's with the long face?"

A giraffe walks into a bar and announces: "High balls on me!"

A guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets drunk and passes out. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there." The guy replies, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Q. Why are giraffes so slow to apologize after acting up at the bar?
A. Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

Giraffe Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, wanna see if what they say about the height of an animal is actually true?

Did you hear about the drunken duck with a drug problem? He was a quack-head.

A parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I can't serve you." Parrot asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "Because I believe you are a Myna bird."

A chicken crosses the road and walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve poultry here." The chicken replies, "That's okay, I just want a drink."

A chicken walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve chickens here. Try the place across the road."

A flock of birds walk walks into a bar, look around, then head for the door. Bartender says, "Hey, what's the matter?" One of the birds says, "This place looked a whole lot seedier from the outside."

Q. Why don't ducks tell drinking jokes while they're flying?
A. So they don't quack up.

A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

Sea Life Pick-Up Line: Hey Shelly, would you mind if I crab your ass?

Q. What is the most popular cocktail at the mollusk saloon?
A. The Rusty Snail.

Sea Coast Bar Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, wanna hold my eel?

Q. What did the bartender say when an eel slid back into the bar?
A. "Oh, you're here for more, eh?"

Q. What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a Tupperware party?
A. They're both looking for a tight seal.

Q. Why do skunks wine and dine their sweeties on Valentine's Day?
A. Because they're very scentimental.

You might be from Colorado if you've seen Bigfoot in a driverless beer truck on I25!Q. How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb? A. One one, but it takes a butt load of Bud Light!Bear says: I've partied with Bigfoot in the Colorado high country!

Q. Where does Bigfoot go for drug or alchohol rehab?
A. To the Yeti Ford Center.

Q. For maximum effect, what time does Bigfoot pop a Coors and smoke pot on top of Pikes Peak?
A. High Noon.

A skunk ambles into the corner bar in downtown Littleton and asks, "Hey, where did everybody go?"

Q. What do big, drunken apes go do after they leave the liquor store?
A. They go babooz'N.

Q. What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
A. I am drinking wine and feline fine!

Q. What did the bartender say to the goat that walked into the bar?
A. Sorry, we don't serve kids.

Q. What did the bartender say when a second goat walked into the bar?
A. Sorry Butt, the can is for customers, only!

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

A pig walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The pig replies, "A pint of Guinea's please."

Q. Which Colorado craft beer do night owls enjoy?
A. Hop Around the Clock.

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

Q. Why do drunken wolf parties always start at midnight?
A. So they'll have a howling good time.

Q. What is the most common pick-up line at a bears' singles bar?
A. What’s ursine?

Q. How do penguins take their bar drinks?
A. On the rocks.

Q. Which Antarctic bar do penguin strippers prefer?
A. The South Pole.

Q. What do you call a very happy bird drinking at a bar in Antarctica?
A. A pen-grin!

Q. What do you call a penguin with a large penis?
A. An icebreaker.

| Bar Jokes | Bartender Puns | Crafty Beer Jokes | Wine Jokes | Cocktail Jokes | Drunk Jokes |
| Animal Bar Puns | Cheeky Monkey Jokes | Stoner Monkey Jokes | 2 | Animal Pothead Puns |
| Gorilla Jokes and Big Ape Puns | Bigfoot Jokes | Sasquatch Jokes | Colorado Bigfoot Jokes |
| Elephant Jokes, Mammoth Puns | Lion Jokes, Big Cat Puns | Colorado Wildlife Jokes | 2 | 3 |
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| Pet Animal Puns | Bird Jokes | Pet Cat Jokes | Feline Puns | Dog Jokes | 2 | Pet Rodent Jokes |


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