Chimp Chef Says: Saw my dad chopping up Onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog!   PainfulPuns.com - Pet Puns + Funny Birds, Cats, Dogs = Pet Peeves

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Q. Which era do pothead fossil hounds dig most? A. The Stone Age!
You might be from Colorado if you feel slighted if your dog doesn't get a treat at your bank's drive thru!

Q. What did the pirate name his dog? A. Patches!
Chewie Says: Happy Chews Day!

 


Funny Dog Jokes, Pet Canine Humor, Puppy Puns
Track down well-bred dog jokes, mutty puns, doggie smiles and man's best friend humor.

Doggie Humor, Ruff Puns, Good Dog Jokes
('Cause Dog Lovers with a Funny Bone and Lots of Dog Treats Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Dog Comedians!)
Warning: Please Be a Good Boy at the Dog Park! Hound humor, doggie style jokes, and furry funny puns ahead.
| Dog Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Dog Days LOLs | Colorado Dog Jokes | Denver Bronco Dog Jokes |
| Pet Kitty Cat Jokes | 2 | 3 | Feline Humor | Caturday Laughs | Pet Animal Jokes | Vet Jokes |
| Pet Bird Jokes | Parrot Jokes | Duck Jokes | 2 | Tropical Fish and Koi Jokes | Finny Fish Puns |
| Animal Poop Puns | Pet Rodent Jokes | Mouse Puns | Exotic Pets | Frog Jokes | Snake Jokes |

Q. Why didn't the dog want to play football? A. He was a Boxer!Wolf Says: Welcome to Colorado's High Country! Dogs Welcomed!You might be from Colorado if you plan all your dinner dates at dog-friendly restaurants!

Q. What is a dog's favorite sport?
A. Formula 1 Drooling!

Q. What do you get if you cross a calculator and a dog?
A. A friend you can count on!

Q. What is a dog's favorite musical instrument?
A. The trombone!

Canine Pick-Up Line: Hey there, sniff sniff, are you a bitch? 'Cause I'd like to throw you a bone.

Q. What is a dog contractor's specialty?
A. Roofing.

Big Dog Chat Up Line: Hey Bae, I'm real a bulldog in the streets, but a love puppy in the sheets.

Q. What is a dog's favorite kind of pizza?
A. Pupperoni!

Q. What is the fastest dog breed?
A. The Labra-ghini!

Q. What should you name a dog that licks electrical cords and outlets?
A. Sparky!

Q. Which dog breed is the favorite of drug dealers?
A. A Meth Lab.

Q. What is a sure sign Fido got into tonight's dessert?
A. Pudding on the dog.

Good Dog Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sniff?

Q. What is a dog's favorite dessert?
A. Pupcakes!

Q. Which type of chair does a big tired dog prefer?
A. A bark-a-lounger.

Q. What do dogs really enjoy for breakfast?
A. Pooched eggs!

Q. What do you call a cool dog sitting on top of rabbit?
A. A chili dog on a bun.

Real Dog of a Pick-Up Line: Hey dude, what got you all steamed up? 'Cause you look like one real hot dog!

Q. What do you say to a show dog wearing stilettos?
A. Heel!

Q. If your dog was a neuroloist, what would he do all day? A. He'd perform pet scans!Q. What do you call a dog who makes a bolt for the door? A. Locksmith!Q. Which kind of dog does every vampire own? A. A Bloodhound!

Q. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A. He was trying to make ends meet.

Q. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A. He stole the show!

Q. What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?
A. A sub-woofer.

Q. What did the captain of the Beagle say when there was a crisis on board?
A. All Hounds On Deck!

Q. Where do dogs and cats go online to stay connected to friends and family?
A. Snoutbook, the social petwork.

Pick-Up a Dog Line: Hey big guy, did you know I enjoy being pawed?

Q. What should you do if your dog chews up you dictionary?
A. Take the words right out of his mouth!

Q. What do you call a dog magician?
A. A labra-ca-dabra-dor.

Q. Which dog breed can be taught to use your toilet?
A. The Poo-dle.

Q. Which dialect does an orator use to reach an audience full of anxious dog owners?
A. Speaking-ese.

Q. Why did the dog groomer quit her job?
A. She hit a ruff spot.

Dog Chat Up Line: Hey baby, a day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches, fur real.

Q. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a big, scary monster?
A. Terrier-fied!

Q. Why is it so hard to train a French bulldog?
A. 'Cause they go oui oui all over the house.

Q. Which breed of dog tells off-color jokes?
A. A sMutt!

Q. What do you call a large dog that meditates?
A. Aware-wolf.

Q. What happened when Dr. Frankenstein crossed a small dog with a cow?
A. It was a terrier bull idea!

Dog Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I ran all the way over here just to fetch you.

You might be from Colorado if you feel slighted if your dog doesn't get a treat at your bank's drive thru!Cannabis Trivia? Sinatra's ad-libbed closing "Dooby-Dooby-Doo" gave the creator of cartoon dog Scooby-Doo the inspiration for his name!Wine Humor: Q. Which breed of dog can bring you a glass of red wine? A. The bordeaux vollie!

Q. What did the Denver dog say when a Great Blue Heron landed on top of the house?
A. Roof, Roof, Roof!

Q. What did the Dalmatian say after he ate a nice meal?
A. That really hit the Spot!

Q. Where should you put your dog if he barks while you're not home?
A. In a barking lot!

Q. What do you call a barking dog aboard an underwater ship?
A. A sub woofer.

Doggie Style Pick-Up Line: Yo bitch, I'm a dog and I'm here to check out your ass.

Q. What do you get if you cross a sheepdog and a rose?
A. A collie-flower!

Q. How are a dog and a marine biologist alike?
A. One wags his tail, and the other tags his whale.

Q. What happens if a dog chases a cat right into a geyser?
A. It starts raining cats and dogs!

Good Dog Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, you smell really familiar. Is this where you pee every time?

Pick-Up a Dog Line: Hey there big guy, if you let me be your tramp, I'll be your lady.

Q. What happened to the dog who liked human food with garlic?
A. His bark was worse than his bite.

Q. Who is a dog's favorite comedian?
A. Growlcho Marx.

Q. Why did the dog bring toilet paper to his master's birthday celebration?
A. He was a real party pooper!

Good Dog Chat Up Line: Hey baby, when I call you bitch, please know I mean it as a huge compliment!

Doggie Hookup Line: Hey babe, you are even cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, and I really want to take you home!

Q. What's the difference between a pit bull and an opera singer? A. Lipstick!Q. What's the difference between a dog & a violinist? A. The dog knows when to quit scratching!Q. Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? A. Santa Paws!

Q. Which classical musical composition is about a bread-loving pack animal?
A. Pita and the Wolf.

Q. Which dog breed must wear contact lenses?
A. The cock-eyed spaniel.

Q. What time is it when ten dogs chase after one cat?
A. Ten after one.

Q. What did the dog say to the flea?
A. Stop bugging me, Dude!

Canine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I just heard a pack of coyotes outside, so why don't you sleep with this lone wolf tonight?

Q. Which movie was about a dog that befriended a dolphin?
A. A Dog's Porpoise.

Q. Which dog breed laughs at every joke its master cracis?
A. The Chi-ha-ha.

Dog Park Chat Up Line: woof! Woof! Look at those are some amazing puppies you've got!

Q. What happened after the dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles?
A. He kept leaving little messages all over the house...

Q. What happened to the dog who swallowed a firefly?
A. He barked with de-light!

Q. Why did the dog sleep under his owner's car?
A. He wanted to wake up oily!

Q. What did the dog say when he sat on coarse sand paper?
A. Ruff, Ruff!

Little Red Riding Hood's Grandmother was in a hurry to eat, so she just wolfed it all down.

Q. What do you call a dating site for dogs and cats?
A. The Social Petwork.

Q. How can you make a dirty dog stop smelling?
A. You just hold its nose!

Canine Pick-Up Line: If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

Q. What do you call a dark dog at the North Pole?
A. A dusky husky.

Q. What does a stylish bitch wear to a big party?
A. Her petticoat.

Q. Which kind of dog chases anything red?
A. A bulldog!

Doggie Style Hookup Line: Hey bae, your doghouse or mine?

Q. What is a Timberwolf?
A. A lone guy who chases a girl up a tree and kisses her in between the limbs.

Q. Which kind of office machine was specifically designed to produce duplicates of Dorothy's dog?
A. A Toto copier.

Q. Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
A. Because it doesn’t make sense to takj back to your paw!

Tail Wagging Dog Park Pick-Up Line: Yo bitch, I’ll follow you everywhere you go.

| Dog Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Dog Days LOLs | Colorado Dog Jokes | Denver Bronco Dog Jokes |
| Pet Kitty Cat Jokes | 2 | 3 | Feline Humor | Caturday Laughs | Wildcat Humor, Lion Jokes |
| Tropical Fish and Koi Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Pet Animal Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Vet Jokes |
| Pet Bird Jokes | Parrot Jokes | Duck Jokes, Quack Puns, and Loon Laughs | 2 | Goose Humor |
| Animal Poop Puns | Pet Rodent Jokes | Mouse Jokes | Rabbit Jokes and Funny Bunny Puns |
| Exotic Pet and Reptile Puns | Frog Jokes and Toad Puns | Snake Jokes | Scary Animal Jokes |
| Farm Animals | Horse Jokes | Wild Animal Jokes | Colorado Animal Jokes | Party Animal Grins |
| Animal Sports Humor | Animal Music Jokes | Christmas Animal Jokes | Animal Pick-Up Lines |

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You've woofed this far, so here's even more howling laughter, biting jokes,
arF-ing funny humor and flea-bitten painful puns that deserve a cookie:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Beefy Puns | Blonde Jokes | Chewbacca Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Daily Laughs | Ear Jokes | Hairy Jokes |
| Hipster Humor | Locksmith Jokes | Magician Jokes | Music Jokes | Pirate Puns | Police Jokes | Sci-Fi Funnies |
| Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | Turdy Puns | Vampire Jokes | Violin Jokes | Werewolf Jokes | Wine Jokes |

Animal Puns, Wildlife HumorEdible Puns, Fun with Food Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns
Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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