Yarrr! September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why are pirates leary of olcanoes? A. Because of the pirate-clastic flows!
Q. What do you call a pirate droid? A. ARRR2- D2!
Q. Why did a pirate marry his eye doctor? A. It was an aye-deal relationship!
Q. How are trumpet players and pirates alike? A. They're both murder on the high Cs!
Q. How does a pirate stop computer hackers? A. He installs a patch!
Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!
Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!

 


Pirate Puns, Treasure Humor, Seven Seas Jokes
Learn to Talk Like a Pirate with aye me bucko humor, patchy pirate puns, and groggy jokes.

Pirate Jokes, Buccaneer Puns, Privateer Humor
(Because Booty Jokes and Swashbuckling Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Matey Pirates. Yarr!)
Warning: Hook Up at Your Own Risk! Ahoy. High seas humor, booty jokes, plank grins and patchy puns ahead.
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Q. What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A. Arrr? No, the C is his love!Q. How can you tell a pirate likes new hi-tech gadgets? A. He uses an iPatch!Q. How did Captain Hook die? A. Multiple stab wounds due to an itchy rash!

Q. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A. I, I, R and the 7 Cs.

Q. Why did the young pirate fail his school spelling test?
A. Because he kept insisting there were seven Cs.

Q. Do ye know any good pirate jokes?
A. No? Neither do Aye...

Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, how about ye and me sail the seven seas tonight?

Q. What is the name of the new Apple device created expressly for sea pirates?
A. iAye Captain.

Little Known Pirate Trivia: 3.14% of sailors are Pi-rates.

Q. Who is the official mascot of Pi Day?
A. A Pi-rate!

Pirate Point to Ponder: ARRe pirate puns a real pain in the aRRRs?

Q. Where were the lone pirate's buccaneers?
A. On the sides of his buckin' head.

Q. Which pirate kegler was famous for bowling curve balls?
A. Captain Hook.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: One aye on you, and a shiver went up me timber!

To err is human. To arrr is pirate.

Q. How did Captain Hook actually meet his demise?
A. He wiped his butt with the wrong hand. Ouch!

Q. What did the captain say when the pirate ship ran aground?
A. We're SHIP out of luck!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Let's just cut to the chase. Doth ye wanna hook up?

Q. What kind of music do pirates listen to aboard a dingy?
A. Rock n Row.

Q. What do pirates like to put on their toast? A. Jelly Roger!Pirate Pick-Up Line: I must be a pirate because I am digging your booty!Q. Why is it so hard to phone a pirate? A. He leaves his phone off the hook!

Q. Why aren't there any French delicacies in Davy Jones' locker?
A. Because dead men sell no snails.

Q. Why did the Canadian pirate have red eyes?
A. He wasn't used to legalized seaweed.

Q. Why do cannibals think pirates who have been in multiple shipwrecks taste best?
A. Because they prefer seasoned survivors.

Q. How do pirates cheer for the Broncos?
A. Aye, me Bucko!

Swashbuckler Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, wood you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?

Q. Why don't pirates go to strip clubs?
A. Because they already know where all the good booty is!

Q. What is a horny pirate's worst nightmare on shore leave?
A. A sunken chest with no booty!

Q. Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend?
A. He wasn't getting the booty.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: You must be a pirate, 'cause I'd let you swash my buckle any day!

Q. Aye matey, why did the pirate become an optometrist?
A. He had a love for the eye sees.

Q. How do pirates have frank discussions?
A. Aye to Aye.

Q. Why did the pirate's cellphone battery die so quickly?
A. Because he left if off the hook.

Q. What do you call a seaman who tries to steal sunken fool's gold?
A. A sea pyrite.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: That puffy shirt looks really hot on you! Wanna search me for buried treasure?

Q. What did the pirate say when he discovered he was missing his eye patch?
A. Please keep an aye out for it!

Q. Why do pirates subscribe to Playboy magazine? A. For the arrrticles!Q. Why should you never take a pea from a pirate? A. Because he'll become irate!Q. What does a pirate say during a snow storm? A. Shiver me timbers!

Q. Why do pirates like thongs at the beach?
A. Because it's all about the booty.

Q. Why was the pirate a natural to be a bar owner?
A. He had a keg leg.

Q. Why do pirates always bury their treasure 18 inches below ground?
A. Because booty is only shin deep!

Q. What happened when the pirate with one leg had to walk the plank?
A. He went out on a limb.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye, the skull and crossbones won't be the only thing I'll be raising tonight.

Old one-eyed pirates never die. They just can't sea as well.

Q. Do old peg leg pirates ever die?
A. No, they just drift away.

Q. What do you call a pirate with three eyes?
A. Piiirate.

Q. What was the one-legged pirate's job at the brewery?
A. He was in charge of the hops.

Q. What do pirates call an ocean habitat with ill-tempered natives that like to aRRgue?
A. A quarrel reef.

Q. Why aren't pirates allowed to be contestants on Wheel of Fortune?
A. Because they always guess ARRR, then C!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy Lass! I must be hunting for treasure? 'Cause I am really digging your chest.

Q. What does a pirate call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles?
A. Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads.

Q. What do pirates wear to stay warm during the winter?
A. Long Johns!

Q. What does a patch-wearing pirate fear most while navigating polar seas?
A. Eyes Bergs!

Q. What does a dapper pirate wear when there's a chill in the air?
A. A caRRRdigan sweater.

Q. What do pirates wear when sailing in icy waters?
A. PaRRRkas.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite kind of deer?
A. A commandeer!

Old sea pirates never die. They just lose their porpoise.

Q. Do old sea pirates ever die?
A. Yes, when they get a little dinghy.

Q. What does a pirate steal in his spare time? A. Arrrt!Q. Why is pirating so addictive? A. Because once ye lose yar first hand, ye are hooked!Pirate Pick-Up Line: You must be a pirate because you can swash my buckle any day!

Q. What does a pirate wearing a monocle use to navigate the seven seas?
A. An Aye Chart.

Q. What does a mermaid wear to math and botony classes?
A. An algae-bra, naturally!

Q. How much does a pirate's treasure cost in today's money?
A. An arm and a leg.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy Matey! Wanna take a ride in my crow's nest?

Q. What did the patch-wearing octogenarian pirate say on his birthday?
A. Eye'Matey!

Q. Which day of the week really floats a pirate's boat?
A. Aye Day.

Q. What is a ghost pirate's favorite beverage?
A. Boo Tea.

Q. What do you call a pirate wearing scuba gear?
A. An aRRgonaut.

Q. Where do fashionable pirates hang their clothes?
A. In an ARRmoire.

Q. Which retired pirate got away with counterfeiting coins for over a decade?
A. Long Con Silver.

Q. What did the proctologist say to the pirate?
A. Show me your booty.

Q. What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A. One has a rumbling tummy and the other is a tumbling rummy!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, ye certainly put the shiver in me timber!

Q. Why don't pirate captains have short hair?
A. Because they do not like crew cuts!

Q. Why don't drunken pirates slur their words?
A. Because they're so ARRticulate.

Q. Which land-locked country has pirates that are obsessed by the sea?
A. Row-mainia.

Q. Why do pirates make such great lawyers?
A. Because they're ruthless cut-throats who like to ARRgue.

Q. What do pirate mercenaries call large-caliber guns aboard ship?
A. ARRtillery.

Q. Why aren't pirates afraid of spiders?
A. Because they admire ARRachnids.

Q. Why did the pirate ship builder decide to go back to school?
A. To become an aRRchitect.

Q. Why did the buff pirate like going to the pool?
A. 'Twas a fine place to show off his cannon balls!

Q. Why do pirates detest seriously funny winter puns?
A. Because it's snow laughing matter!

Q. What happened to the dancing pirate who went to the seafood-themed disco?
A. He pulled a mussel.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Aye, I see you are nearly up to ramming speed.

Q. What did the physicist say to the pirate?
A. Walk the Planck, Max.

Q. How do pirates get around in town when they're at port?
A. By cARR.

Q. What kind of animal does a pirate keep as a pet?
A. An ARRmadillo.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite body part?
A. Well, it's certainly not their arrm!

Q. How do you describe an egotistical pirate who is full of himself?
A. ARRogant.

Q. What did the sailor say when he finally came across a coin shop that sold nickels?
A. Alloy There!

| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |
| Travel Jokes | World Traveler Jokes | Cross the Road Jokes | Time Travel Puns | Timely Jokes |
| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groaners | Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groans |
| Hipster Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Light Bulb Jokes | Fair Weather Puns |

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