Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What does a pirate say during a snow storm? A. Shiver me timbers!
Q. What did the ocean say to the pirate? A. Nothing. It just waved!
Q. Why are pirates leary of olcanoes? A. Because of the pirate-clastic flows!
Q. What was the name of Blackbeard's wife? A. Peg!
Q. What do pirates like to put on their toast? A. Jelly Roger!
Q. Why is pirating so addictive? A. Because once ye lose yar first hand, ye are hooked!
Pirate Pick-Up Line: Is that a wooden leg, or are you happy to see me?

 


Pirate Jokes, Buccaneer Humor, Booty-ful Puns
Yarr! Learn to talk like a pirate with aye-ronic humor, keel-areas puns, and masty pirate jokes.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day Jokes, Yarr!
(Because Matey Funny Jokes and Swashbuckling Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream on Pirate Day!)
Warning: Shiver Me Timbers at Ye Own Risk! Crew-some humor, matey funny jokes, and aye seas puns ahead.
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |


Q. Which instrument does a pirate play in the band? A. The Guitarrr!Yarrr! September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!Pirate Pick-Up Line: I'm a pirate, so you can call me Matey!

Q. Why do pirates sing soprano?
A. Because they can always hit the high Cs.

Pirate Frontman's Motto: It's better to be sharp than out of tune.

Q. Why do pirates always win dance contests?
A. Because they really shake their booty!

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy! Come show me how ye bury that treasure, lad.

Buccaneer Factoid: 3.14% of sailors are known to be Pi-rates.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite holiday?
A. September 19, International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Q. What do you call somebody who doesn't like International Talk Like a Pirate Day?
A. PaRRRty pooper!

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Lad Ahoy! Come dock in my port!

Q. Why is the newest pirate movie rated aRRR?
A. Because it features a lot of booty!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Are you a pirate? 'Cause I'm wondering where you got that booty?

Q. Why is it so hard to reach a pirate by phone?
A. He always leave it off the hook.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Hey Lady, I bet ye can't find me buried treasure...

Q. Where do pirates park their ships? A. In the Harrrbor!Q. Where can ye find a pirate who's lost his wooden legs? A. Right where ye left him!Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for corn? A. A Buck An Ear!

Q. Which kind of ships give seafaring pirates a very hard time?
A. Long distance relation-ships.

Q. Which fast food joint do pirates like when they're beached in Los Angeles or New York?
A. ARRRbys.

Q. Why do pirates make excellent fishermen?
A. Because they always hook the big one.

Q. Why aren't pirates troubled by rough waters?
A. Because they're great at enduring arrduous journeys.

Q. What was the name of Blackbeard's beloved wife?
A. Peg.

Q. What did the pirate say when he stepped on a LEGO with his non-peg leg?
A. ARRRR!

Q. What do pirates wear when vacationing in the Colorado Rockies?
A. PaRRRkas.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy Matey! Is that a wooden leg, or are you happy to see me?

Q. What did the wannabe-farmer pirate say when he saw land?
A. Land Hoe!

Pirate Factoid: Hooks and wooden legs are expensive these days. They cost an arm and a leg.

Q. What kind of food do pirates like best?
A. BaRRR-B-Q!

Q. Which pumped up actor do pirates admire most?
A. Arrnold Schwarzenegger.

Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!Pirate's Eye Patch Says: Happy Aye Day!Did you know that sea captains don't like crew cuts?

Q. How did the pirate learn he needed to wear glasses?
A. During his aye exam.

Q. Why didn't the Arctic pirate get any sleep last night?
A. Because he accidentally plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night.

Q. Why was the pirate movie rated RRR?
A. There was so much booty.

Q. Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?
A. 'Cause they get lost at C.

Q. Where do the captains of the buccaneer ship line have meetings?
A. At Cor-pirate headquarters.

Q. What frightens young pirates on Halloween?
A. The daRRRk.

Q. How did the optometrist greet his new one-eyed pirate patient?
A. Aye Matey!

Q. Where do pirates visit when they're shipwrecked in Texas?
A. AmARRillo.

Q. Why did the blonde pirate navigator get the crew lost?
A. Because he had ship for brains.

Q. Why is pirating so addictive?
A. They say, "Once you lose ye first hand, ye be hooked!"

Q. What is a pirate's favorite element?
A. Aye, ye might guess aRRRgon, but nay, it's the element of surprise!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Me buried treasure is in this pocket.

Q. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A. Aye Matey!Q. How do you greet a Spanish pirate with a rubber toe? A. Hola Roberto!Q. How are trumpet players and pirates alike? A. They're both murder on the high Cs!

Q. Where do pirates go to get good and drunk?
A. The Sand BaRRR.

Q. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on his birthday?
A. Because he left his phone off the hook.

Q. Which doll do pirates always give to their daughters?
A. A BaRRRbie Doll.

Q. How do pirate chefs cook their pasta?
A. Arr dente.

Q. What did the pirate say after eating at Taco Bell?
A. Fire in the hole!

Q. Why did the pirate speak Spanish so eloquantly?
A. He really rolled his RRRs.

Q. What did the pirate name his dog?
A. Patches!

Q. Why do pirates make fantastic lawyers?
A. because they aRRR quite skilled at aRRRguing.

Q. What are the only notes a pirate can sing?
A. The high Cs.

Q. What happened to the pirate who got a mast-ive concussion?
A. Now he's got ship for brains.

Q. What does a pirate use to remedy security issues in his computer?
A. An eye patch.

Q. Why are there fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school.

Q. Why do pirates love Thanksgiving? A. Because they get to carrrve the turkey!Q. What does pirate Santa say? A. Row Row Row!Q. What does a pirate Santa say? A. Row Row Row!

Q. Why didn't the pirate eat on stuffing on Thanksgiving?
A. He was on a low caRRRb diet.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Aye laddie, come show me how ye bury that giblet gravy.

Q. Which kind of cheese do pirates like best?
A. PaRRRmesan.

Q. What do pirates like to do on Black Friday?
A. Shop for the best sails.

Q. How did the pirate feel on Black Friday morning after a wicked night of drinking?
A. Groggy.

Q. What does a pirate say when he sits in for Santa Claus?
A. Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum.

Q. What do pirates and pimps have in common?
A. Both walk with a limp and say, "Yo Ho!"

Q. Where did the pirate put all his Christmas decorations?
A. In his front yaRRRd.

Q. What do pirates say during a brutal winter storm?
A. Thar she snows!

Q. What did the pirate name his pet parrot?
A. ARRnold.

Q. What is Captain Hook's favorite place to shop on shore leave?
A. The second hand store.

Q. Which big box department store do pirates prefer?
A. TaRRRget!

Q. How do pirates pay for a round of grog at the pub on Xmas eve?
A. With bar-nickles!

Q. What did the pirate name his son?
A. ARRthur.

Q. Which pirate was mentioned in the Bible?
A. Noah, the builder of the ARRRk!

| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |
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| Hipster Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Light Bulb Jokes | Fair Weather Puns |

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