When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"   PainfulPuns.com - Monstrously Funny, Hulking Pun Jokes, Ouch!

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Chuck Norris Jokes, All-American Tough Guy Puns
Pain yourself with kickin' chuckles, punched up puns, roundhouse humor and powerful jokes.

Chuck Norris, World's Greatest Human Jokes!
(Because Super Macho Jokes and Tough Guy Hero Puns Could Never Be Too Mainstream if You're Chuck Norris!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Tough guy jokes, kicking humor, and deadly funny Chun Kuk Do puns ahead.
| Super Chuck Norris Jokes | Incredible Hulk Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Green Hulk Laughs |
|
Superhero Pick-Up Lines | 2 | The Hulk Hookups | Batman Chat Ups | Superman Come-Ons |
| Superhero Jokes, Caped Crusader Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Supervillain Jokes
|
| Marvel Comics Jokes | Superhero Music Jokes | Superhero Loo LOLs | 2 |
Female Superheroes |
| DC Comics Humor | POW! Batman Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Superman Jokes | Spider-Man Puns |


Hulk Says: When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break!Hulk Says: Chuck Norris does not take showers! He takes blood baths!Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet? A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Super Guy Fact of the Day: When Chuck Norris does pushups, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the Earth down!

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris own a stove, oven, microwave or grill?
A. Because revenge is a dish best served cold!

Q. Why won't Google search for Chuck Norris?
A. Because it knows that you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you!

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a condom?
A. Because there's no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Fitness Point to Ponder: Does Chuck Norris leave potholes when he jogs?

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into Hulk. When Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris!

Super Duper Point to Ponder: An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is Karate Wrangler Sex. Coincidence? We think not!

Super Dude Fact of the Day: In an incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris could fight himself, and win!

Super Factoid: Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Q. What kind of batteries does Chuck Norris run on?
A. Die Hards.

Q. Why does Chuck Norris wear sunglasses?
A. To protect the sun!

Did you know that Superman and Chuck Norris had a bet? The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants...

Q. Why did they stop making Chuck Norris toilet paper?
A. Because it wouldn't take shit from anybody!

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Actually, those are just a few of Chuck Norris's warmup exercises.

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris play Lotto?
A. Because it doesn't have nearly enough balls.

Did you know Chuck Norris had the idea to can his urine as a beverage? It's marketed under the name, Red Bull.

Q. How many caped crusaders does it take to change a light bulb? A. Batman is NOT afraid of the dark!Hulk Says: Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the cround for maximum impact!Batman Asks: Which days of the week are the strongest? A. Saturday & Sunday. The rest are week days!

Q. What happened when Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens at Comic Con?
A. The aliens were never seen again!

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?
A. Because he just scares the sh*t out of it!

Super Tough Fact of the Day: Only Chuck Norris can make onions cry.

Q. What is Chuck Norris's favorite cut of beef?
A. Roundhouse, not Chuck!

Powerful Trivia: Chuck Norris does indeed live in a roundhouse.

Chuck Norris steps into the confessional at church. The priest confessed all his sins.

Did you know that when Clark Kent goes into a phone booth, Superman comes out? But when Chuck Norris walks into a phone booth it explodes and Chuck just walks away!

Q. Why hasn't Chuck Norris win an Academy Award for acting?
A. Because he's not acting.

Today's Super Powerful Trivia: The phrase, Dead Ringer, refers to anybody who sits near Chuck Norris in a movie theater who doesn't turn their cell phone off.

Q. How did the moon get all those new craters?
A. Chuck Norris has been playing golf again.

Chuck Norris once drank wine from a certain chalice. It's now known as the Holy Grail.

Chuck Norris does not need deodorant because sweat instantly runs away.

Powerful Factoid: Sweating Bullets is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Super Duper Factoid: If you rearrange the letters in Chuck Norris, they spell Crush Rocks In. The words, With His Fists, are implied.

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone.

Star Wars Spoiler: Chuck Norris has a part in the new Star Wars movie. He's the Force.

Travel Point to Ponder: Can Chuck Norris fold airplanes into paper?

Hulk Asks: What do you call a clip of a macho guy that spreads online? A. A virile video!Q. How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. Klingons are not afraid of the dark!Hulk Asks: What do you call it if two seats buckle under you in one day? A. A bad chair day!

Did you know if you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win forever?

Super Powerful Factoid: Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all three!

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris age?
A. Because time can't keep up with him.

Q. Why did Chuck Norris stop washing his clothes in the ocean?
A. The tsunamis were killing people.

Q. Why did Chuck Norris get kicked out of the garden?
A. He took a pea.

Children look under the bed before going to sleep to check for monsters. Monsters look under the bed to check for Chuck Norris.

Q. Why did Superman have to go by the alias "Clark Kent?"
A. Because the name "Chuck Norris" was already taken in the future!

Super Point to Ponder: Chuck Norris has already gone to the moon and Mars, so is that why there's no sign of life there?

Powerful Fact of the Day: Chuck Norris is the only man who has literally beaten the odds.

Q. Why does Chuck Norris use a nightlight?
A. Because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Did you hear that Chuck Norris once ordered a steak at a restaurant? Yeah, the steak did what it was told.

Q. Why did Chuck Norris take a rest day?
A. To give the weights a day off.

Did you know death once had a Near Chuck Norris Experience?

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. Then it's soaked in blood and tears.

Q. What happened after Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf?
A. When the full moon came, the werewolf morphed into Chuck Norris!

Super Factor of the Day: When Chuck Norris does math, there are no remainders.

Super Factoid of the Day: Chuck Norris actually knows Victoria's Secret!

Powerful Tip of the Day: If you work in an office along with Chuck Norris, never ask him for his three-hole punch.

Hulk Asks: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island? A. He Wanted Maximum Isolation!Hulk Asks: Who is the begetarian brother of Bruce Lee? A. Brocco Lee!Hulk Asks: What do you call guys sharing quarters at the most macho dorm? A. Stud Roomies!

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Yeah, all part of Chuck Norris's gym warm-up.

Q. What does Chuck Norris think in his mind to get psyched up?
A. Chun Kuk Do.

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a watch?
A. Because he decides what time it is.

Super Duper Trivia: Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Incredible Fact of the Day: The Hulk is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like the Hulk. (Did you just hear Chuck Norris groan?)

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris lift weights?
A. Because that implies there are limits to his strength.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug in his den. It isn't dead, it's just afraid to move!

True Chuck Norris Fact from Wikipedia: They did not add Chuck Norris to Mount Rushmore because the granite was not tough enough for his beard!

Did you hear Chuck Norris once arm wrestled The Hulk? The loser had to paint himself green...

Q. Why did Superman have to go by the alias "Clark Kent?"
A. Because the name "Chuck Norris" was already taken in the future!

Super Hot Fact of the Day: Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce instead of Visine.

Q. Who would be the winner in a fight between Batman and Darth Vader?
A. Chuck Norris.

Did you know that Chuck Norris once rode a bull? Yeah, nine months later, it had a calf.

Q. Why are whiteboards white?
A. Because Chuck Norris scared them.

Super Powerful Trivia: Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Powerful Factoid: There are only two things that can cut diamonds. Other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

Powerful Sight: Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people, but he does see that people are dead.

Q. Why is there no April 1 on Chuck Norris's calender?
A. Because nobody can fool him.

Super Dude Factoid: There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the heat up.

Q. Wanna hear Chuck Norris tell a dog poop joke?
A. Never mind. It really stinks...

Did you know that Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the neck? All of its descendants are known as giraffes.

| Super Chuck Norris Jokes | Incredible Hulk Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Green Hulk Laughs |
|
Superhero Pick-Up Lines | 2 | The Hulk Hookups | Batman Chat Ups | Superman Come-Ons |
| Superhero Jokes, Caped Crusader Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Supervillain Jokes
|
| Marvel Comics Jokes | Superhero Music Jokes | Superhero Loo LOLs | 2 |
Female Superheroes |
| DC Comics Humor | POW! Batman Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Superman Jokes | Spider-Man Puns |


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