TV Dinner Point to Ponder: Is eating breakfast in front of the television set at the same time every day actually breakfast serial?

Q. What does the host of the TV chef cooking competition say to begin the challenge?
A. Lettuce Begin!

Q. What kind of humor leaves a TV chef cold?
A. Biting wit and a-gnawing puns!

Q. What is new reality television show set inside a pizza delivery car about?
A. A slice of life.

Q. Which HBO series will robo callers and telemarketers miss now that it's ended?
A. Game of Phones.

Q. What is a road detruction worker's favorite show on HBO?
A. Game of Cones.

Q. Why are television sets getting thinner while people are getting even fatter?
A. So that they'll still be the same distance from the screen without moving the furniture.

Q. Which kind of weekly television programs feature high-ranking naval officers?
A. Situation commodores.

Q. Why was The Incredible Hulk fired from his gig as a TV weatherman?
A. Because his forecast was always the same: Partly cloudy with a 50% chance of pain.

Robin: Holy Batman! The BatRemote to the BatTV isn't working.
Batman: Did you check the Batteries?
Robin: What are teries?

Q. Which TV remote feature do dogs like best?
A. The paws button.

Q. Do cautious parents monitor what their children watch on TV?
A. Yes, they must go through proper channels.

Q. Back in the day at the video store, what was the guy told when he asked to rent Batman Forever?
A. No, you have to bring it back on Thursday.

Q. Why did the guy's cat suddenly start clawing him while he was watching Animal Planet on TV?
A. 'Cause he hit the paws button.

Q. Which tech innovation never caught on?
A. Smell-a-vision. 'Cause Dirty Jobs doesn't need it in order to stink.

Q. Which classic sci-fi television series do aliens without GPS binge watch?
A. Lost In Space.

Q. Which Earth sci-fi sitcom do furry funny space aliens on the planet Melmac binge watch?
A. ALF.

Q. Which classic sci-fi TV sitcom do aliens from the fourth rock from the sun binge watch?
A. My Favorite Martian.

Q. Which Brady Bunch kid was seriouusly into science fiction?
A. Martian, Martian, Martian.

Galactic Point to Ponder: In the future, will people living in orbit be able to watch TV on space stations?

Q. Why shouldn't you worry about your smart TV, phone, or computer spying on you?
A. 'Cause your vacuum cleaner has already been gathering dirt on you for years!

Q. Which streaming service features videos that explain how to troubleshoot web problems?
A. Netfix.

Q. What did the TV anchorman do when he was told there was a pursuit in progress?
A. He cut to the chase.

TV news reported a school bus carrying 17 children rolled over today. Fortunately, there were only minor injuries.

Q. What happened after the TV news anchorman went berserk and shot up the television studio?
A. Everyone was blown away by the news.

Q. A weed grow next to the butcher shop was on fire. How did Denver TV news describe the scene?
A. High steaks!

Colorado Cannabis Point to Ponder: Why isn't there a network sitcom or even a cable reality show about a Denver pot shop?

Q. What do you call a television show where stoners sit around having small arguements?
A. A mellow drama.

Q. Do old Sasquatch hunter TV series ever die?
A. Yes, they die of boredom.

Q. Which kind of jokes do TV Bigfoot hunters with night vision cameras like best?
A. Knock Knock Jokes!

Q. Why did TV ececs cancel The Amazing Race?
A. 'Cause there were too many claims it was about white people.

Q. Why did the dyslexic guy watch TV in his boredom?
A. He was trying to combat his bedroom.

Q. What did the guy say after he was fired for dropping all the cue cards during the live TV broadcast?
A. Nothing. He couldn't hold a conversation.

Q. What is the Colorado beehive's favorite TV channel?
A. Bee Bee See America.

Q. How does a house cat keep up on world events?
A. He watches the TV Mews.

Q. What is an explosives expert's faborite cable TV station?
A. TNT.

Q. Which game show do pet fish enjoy the most?
A. Name That Tuna!

Q. What is Spiderman's favorite TV game show?
A. The Newly Web Game.

Q. What do Mallards and Teals like to watch on TV?
A. Duckumentaries.

Q. What did the TV critic say about the new Animal Planet program about beavers?
A. It's the best dammed show I've seen this fall.

Q. What did the cow say to her husband when he stood in front of the TV?
A. Moove over.

Q. What is a pet duck's favorite television program?
A. The daily feather forecast.

Q. Which quacking animated TV tune character's diet consists of sticky, chewy candy?
A. Taffy Duck.

Q. What is a black widow spider's favorite classic TV game show?
A. The Newly Web Game.

Q. What does a pachyderm do during his spare time?
A. He watches duck-umentaries on ele-vision.

Q. Which television program is a rabbit's favorite horror show?
A. FOX News.

Q. What did the TV critic say about the new show about extreme camping?
A. It was in tents.

Q. What is the name of the new TV show about dancing lumberjacks called?
A. Log 'O Rhythm.

Q. Why was the reality TV show about software engineers canceled?
A. Viewers thought it was too scripted.

Q. Why did the toilet hate the new television in the bathrrom?
A. 'Cause it was only 720 pee.

Q. Why should you always take toilet paper to the Twilight Zone?
A. Doodoo doodoo...

Q. How can an old dude tell he's entered the erotic Serling Twilight Zone?
A. His silver rod is sterling.

Zoned Out Fright of the Night: The best Twilight Zone puns are pretty much black and white.

There's a Twilight Zone Marathon every Thanksgiving, if you've got the right family.
– Warren Holstein.

Q. What is it called when you feel like shit after binge watching reality TV?
A. Survivor guilt.

Q. Why does the cast always overact on television medical dramas?
A. For traumatic effect.

Q. Which TV show do serial killers enjoy most?
A. Naked and Afraid.

Q. What is the name of the new cable channel that only airs shows about nuclear reactions?
A. Tele-fission.

Q. What was Isaac Newton's favorite TV show?
A. Gravity Falls.

Q. What ever happened to that great History Channel show about lumberjacks?
A. It got axed.

Q. Why would a TV series about planet Earth be really boring?
A. Cause it would be the same four seasons over and over again.

Q. Why did the Military History Channel stop production of the show about kamikaze attacks?
A. It couldn't last longer than the pilot.

Q. Which classic crime solving show was about a detective in Florida who used math to catch the bad guys?
A. Magnum Pi.

Q. What do you call the heroic fireman who was featured on the evening TV news?
A. Flamous.

News Flash: A news copter crashed into the local cemetery. Early reports say at least 500 dead. Stay tuned. More at 10 P.M.

A psychotic auto mechanic had sex with a nurse and then escaped from the mental hospital. TV news reported the event as, "Nut Screws and Bolts."

Q. Which Denver television program is hosted by a clown cheerleader and shows funny clips of destruction and things going terribly wrong?
A. 9News at 10 p.m.

A guy said he just detests those cheesy scripted so-called reality televion programs, but he does plan to watch the presidential debate later tonight.

Q. Which busty television programs do teenage boys binge view?
A. Bae Watch.

Bart: Doh! Our new promo T-shirt says, "Don't Halve a Cow, Man!"
Lisa: They really butchered that one.

Q. Which quirky TV sitcom was about female anatomy?
A. A Breasted Development.

Q. Which moronic TV sitcom did the suicide bomber watch?
A. The Big Bang Theory.

Q. Which clever '90s TV sitcom do math geeks binge watch?
A. Sinefeld.

Q. Which Earth sci-fi sitcom have spaced aliens on Ork been binge watching since 1978?
A. Mork and Mindy.

Q. Which television sitcom do stoners binge watch?
A. The Big Bong Theory.

Q. Why was Homer's wife so hesitant to enter the traffic flow?
A. 'Cause everybody was shouting, "Merge Simpson!"

Q. How can you tell you have a serious television addiction?
A. You have 100 hours of Hoarders on your DVR and you can't bring yourself to delete them.

Q. Why was the weatherman fired during sweeps season?
A. Turns out, the news of a coming flood was leaked.

Q. Which TV weather forecast feature do Colorado potheads like best?
A. The Highs.

Q. What do Denver weathermen call it when chickens and ducks suddenly fall out of the sky?
A. Fowl Weather.

Q. Why did the septic tank technician become a crime reporter on Denver7 News?
A. Because he was a true pro at digging up a lot of sh*t.

Q. Why was the bovine anchorman fired from Animal News Nework?
A. 'Cause he was so unrelia-bull.

Q. Which new television talk show is all about renewable energy?
A. The Solar Panel.

Q. Which classic TV sitcom was about a boy who hates being a child and wanted to grow up?
A. Mad About Youth.

Patient: Doc, I think I'm losing my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptons?
Patient: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.

Television Tip of the Day for Your Viewing Pleasure: There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don't fall off.

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Which Sesame Street character was launched into space to explore the red planet?
A. Mars Grover.

A guy's wife left a note on the TV that said, "This isn't working." So, he checked it out and it was working fine, but he couldn't find his wife to tell her...

Q. Which Netflix show is about unearthly substances that are exceptionally powerful?
A. Stronger Things.

Q. Which Happy Days sitcom actor always wanted to live near marshy river outlets?
A. Scott Bayou.

Did you hear about the television repairman's wedding? The reception was outstanding.

Q. Which 2000s kid's show was hard to believe?
A. Kim Possible.

Q. What is a rabbit's favorite classic TV show?
A. Hoppy Days.

Q. Whick '90s TV show do lone wolves like to binge watch?
A. Bay Watch.

Q. Which TV network do rabbits avoid?
A. FOX.

Q. What do viruses and late night television shows have in common?
A. Both need a host.

Q. Why did the new show about airplanes crash and burn?
A. 'Cause the pilot wasn't very good.

Q. What is the name of the newest reality TV show on the LAZY Network?
A. American Idle.

Q. How many TV doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just two, but it takes a whole team of prop guys to build a bulb big enough.

Q. Why did the blonde guy buy a new TV every year with different amounts of pixels?
A. It was his New Year's resolution.

Q. Which new cable channel is about pre Columbian Native American culture?
A. Tepee TV.

Q. How many TV doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Please see page 69 of this week's medical dama script.

Unbelievable as it sounds, Netflix is producing a new show about storming Area 51. But then again, Stranger Things did happen.

Q. Which television series is on the radar of the US Space Force?
A. Ancient Aliens Declassified.

Boob Tube Point to Ponder: Are courtroom dramas lawsome?

Q. Which television series is the favorite of Martians and the gods?
A. Ancient Aliens.

Q. Which earthly television series is the favorite of time traveling spacemen throughout history?
A. Ancient Aliens.

Q. Why does the History Channel show, Ancient Aliens, cause so many UFO crashes?
A. Because little green men always crack up when they watch it!

Q. Why did the banker always watch his favorite television show?
A. 'Cause he was invested in the story line.

Q. Which classic TV actress and singer mimicked everybody like a talking bird?
A. Mynah Shore.

Q. Which non-fiction galactic television series do space aliens binge watch aboard UFOs?
A. Ancient Aliens. No joke!

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