Green Alien Asks: Who performs a killer cannabis comedy act? A. The Grin Reefer!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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I starred in a stage play about puns. Actually, it was just a play on words!
Q. Why didn't anyone laugh at the gardener's jokes? A. Because they were too corny!

We need a day between Sunday & Monday. Let's call it Punday!
What goes "Ha,Ha, Ha, Plop? A man laughing his head off.

 


Comedian Jokes, Comic Puns, Up-Standing Humor
Laugh along with humorist puns, joke teller humor, gagster grins and jokes about telling jokes.

Standup Comedy Jokes and Comedian Puns
(Because Wit Jokes, Wag Humor, and Wisecracker Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream On Open Mic Night!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Comedienne jokes, funny man humor, stand-up laughs and punner puns ahead.
| Standup Comedian Jokes | Funny Jokes About Jokes | Creepy Clown Jokes and Circus Humor |
| Magician Act Humor | Actor Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Gnome Acting Jokes | Actor Pick-Up Lines |
| Vampire Performing Arts Puns | Artist Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Arty Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Dancer Jokes and Dance Puns | Musician Jokes | Guitar Player Puns | Colorado Music Jokes |
| Singer Jokes, Vocalist Puns | Composer Jokes | Rock Band Jokes | Gambling Jokes, Poker Puns |

Horsing Around: If ya wanna make money as a comedian, you gotta have a cents of humor.Q. What is a comedian's favorite day of the week? A. Wry day!A butcher tried standup comedy, but he didn't make the cut.

Q. Why do skunks make such hilarious stand-up comics?
A. They're born with an innate scents of humor.

Q. What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
A. This is a stand-up.

Q. What happened after the stand-up comic went to an optician for a new pair of glasses?
A. His observational comedy got much better!

Q. What happened when the optician decided to try stand-up comedy?
A. He made a spectacle of himself.

Q. Why did the overweight standup comedian finally go on a diet?
A. 'Cause he was at his width's end.

Q. Whcih king of lawn seed do cutting-edge comedians prefer in their turf?
A. Wry grass.

Q. Which trait does a comedian baker knead to tell funny bread jokes?
A. A rye sense of humor.

Q. Which kind of bread do hammy Painful joke writers really eat up?
A. Pun-pernickel.

Q. Why did the standup comedian run out of punny new joke ideas?
A. He was at his wit's end.

Q. How can you tell you'll never be a great joke teller?
A. You always seem to punch up the f*ck line.

Q. Why didn't the butcher comedian tell jokes about sausages?
A. Because they're the deli wurst.

Q. Which cut of pork does a goading commedian order?
A. Ribs.

Q. Why did the meat packer give up his gig at the comedy club?
A. Because he butchered all his jokes to pieces.

Q. Why did the butcher comedian do so well at Denver Comedy Works?
A. 'Cause he was a real cut-up!

Q. Whay are German butchers such terrible comedians?
A. Because their jokes are the wurst.

Hulk Asks: What do you call a killer cannabis comedian? A. The Grim Reefer!Q. Where do vampires get all their jokes? A. From crypt Writers!Q. What do you call off-color jokes in a wood-finishing workshop? A. Lacquer-room humor!

Q. What happened when the gnome comedian told his best gardening joke on stage?
A. The audience soiled themselves.

Q. What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
A. Puny.

Q. Which kind of jokes do depressed gnome comedians s like to tell?
A. Elf-depricating puns.

Q. Why don't gnomes in the comedy club audience understand most troll jokes?
A. Because the humor goes right over their heads!

Q. What do Denverites call the sarcastic cop comedian at Comedy Works who does legal joint jokes?
A. Pig Roast.

Q. Why did the vampire's stand-up comedy gig at the cemetery go so badly?
A. Because the crowd was pretty dead.

Q. What is it called when a zombie steals a comedian's jokes?
A. Plague-giarism.

Q. What does it take to become a great zombie comedian?
A. Dead-ication!

Q. Why aren't zombie comedians very funny?
A. Most zombies won't eat clowns.

Q. Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
A. The jokes were too funny to handle.

Q. Why did the zombie comedian get booed off the stage?
A. Because his jokes were rotten!

Q. Why did the electrician comedian stop telling jokes?
A. Because they made his head hertz.

Q. Why do electrician comedians like to tell Painful power joke Puns?
A. For the shock value!

The battery comedian said: "Anode you'd like these powerfully Painful Puns!"

Q. How do you describe a jocular sewage joker?
A. Pun Gent!

Q. What do they serve for lunch at the comedian workshop?
A. Hot dog puns.

Q. What did the eye doctor comedian call his comedy club act?
A. A Cornea-copia of Jokes.

Did you hear about the hamburger that couldn't stop making jokes? It was on a roll!Q. What is Batman's favorite part of the joke? A. The punch line!Q. What do you call cattle that tell jokes? A. Laughing stock!

Q. What do they serve for lunch at the comedian workshop?
A. Hamburger puns.

Did you hear about the hamburger comedian who told really funny jokes? He was really on a roll!

Sorry, I meant to serve you a plain burger. No bun intended...
– Some Cheesy Stand-Up Comedian.

Did you hear about the punny chef standup comic who was know for his antics and capers?

Did you hear about the chef comedian who was a-maize-ing at making corny jokes? His puns were very cheesy.

Q. Why doesn't the Italian chef comedian tell pizza jokes?
A. They're far too cheesy for his taste.

Q. Why did the stand-up comedian only do killer jokes about the mob?
A. He wanted to die laughing.

Q. What is the definition of comedic warfare?
A. Killer jokes.

Q. Why do Jedis make terrible standup comedians?
A. Because their schtick feels so forced.

Spaced Out Comedy Point to Ponder: If you happened to overhear an alien comedian telling a joke, would you laugh, or run like hell?

Q. Why don't comedians ever tell jokes on the Millennium Falcon?
A. Because the ship might crack up.

Q. Why are sci-fi time travel comedian's jokes so funny?
A. Because you'll laugh at them time and time again, or you already did.

Q. What do you get from a Denver cowmedian at Comedy Works Downtown?
A. Cream of Wit and lots of bullcrap.

Q. What happened when the butcher's comedy routine went udder?
A. He cow-lapsed!

Q. Why do crow comedians tell really dumb jokes?
A. Be-caws they can!

Q. Who tells the clucking punniest chicken jokes?
A. A comedi-hen.

Q. What sort of humor do Denver comedian chickens tell at Comedy Works Downtown?
A. Funny yolks that crack you up.

Q. How does a fish comedian make an octopus laugh?
A. He tells a whale of a pun!

Did you hear about the hillarious locksmith? He had a keen sense of humor!Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these painful puns? A. They Suck!Q. what do you call an old TV show by comedian Buttons or Skelton? A. A

Q. Why did the Denver locksmith do stand-up comedy during his off time?
A. Because he always got the audience keyed up at Comedy Works Downtown.

Q. Why was that Denver locksmith comedian so knee-slapping funny at Comedy Works?
A. Because he had such a keen sense of humor.

Q. Why didn't the comedian tell his latest cell phone joke?
A. Because it had a bad reception.

Q. Why was the cheesy comedian so good?
A. Because his act was pure crackers!

Q. What did the audience say to the cheesy comedian?
A. That's a Gouda one!

Cheesy Chat Up Line: No girl, you are not a cheesy comedian. Tonight's open mic crowd was just vegans or laugh-tose intolerant!

Q. What do you call a truly cheesy comedian?
A. A laughing cow.

Q. What does a caroling reindeer comedian say to open his act?
A. This fa la la joke is gonna sleigh you!

Q. What happened to the standup comedian who performed Painful Puns at the haunted house?
A. He got booed off stage.

Q. How does the Frankenstein monster comic make everybody laugh?
A. He keeps them all in stitches.

Q. How did the werewolf's standup comedy show go?
A. He had the audience howling all night.

Q. Why are werewolf comedians considered quick-witted?
A. Because they always joke along with snappy comebacks.

Q. How does a comedian make a werewolf howl in laughter?
A. Just tell him some Painful Puns, then give him a funny bone.

Q. Why are standup comedians so scared of ghosts?
A. 'Cause they always boo.

Q. Who's haunting the KFC across the street from the cemetery?
A. Some comedian spoofing Colonel Sanders said it was a poultry-geist.

Q. Why did the blonde take her bra off while attending a show at Comedy Works in downtown Denver?
A. Because she liked to laugh her straps off!

Q. What did fans say when the comedy club abruptly shut down?
A. This is no laughing matter! '

Q. Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
A. Because they're killer comedians.

Q. Why is it so hard to perform a comedy act inside a liquor store?
A. Because everybody there is into booze.

Q. What did the comedy club comedian say after he splashed cocktails on himself?
A. The drinks are on me.

Q. What is a drunken standup comedian's least favorite kind of alcoholic beverage?
A. Booze!

Q. Why is The Hulk so stupendous at stand-up comedy?
A. Because he's a Marvel-ous Comic!

Q. Which kind of comedy does Batman like best?
A. Dark humor.

| Standup Comedian Jokes | Funny Jokes About Jokes | Creepy Clown Jokes and Circus Humor |
| Magician Act Humor | Actor Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Gnome Acting Jokes | Actor Pick-Up Lines |
| Vampire Performing Arts Puns | Artist Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Arty Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Dancer Jokes and Dance Puns | Musician Jokes | Guitar Player Puns | Colorado Music Jokes |
| Singer Jokes, Vocalist Puns | Composer Jokes | Rock Band Jokes | Gambling Jokes, Poker Puns |

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| Sasquatch Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | Vampire Jokes | Weed Jokes |

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Monstrously Funny PunsCrappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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