Q. How is Internet humor so selfish?
A. It's all about meme, meme, meme!

Q. Which puns do art critics enjoy?
A. Perfectly illustrated punch lines.

Q. What do you call a steady diet of Painful weight loss Puns?
A. A joke binge.

Q. What's the main problem with Denver Police jokes?
A. The cops don't think they're funny, and private citizens are afraid to laugh at them!

Q. Why does Colorado Bigfoot like to hear these jokes?
A. Because Sasquatch doesn't want to myth out on the punch lines!

Q. Who is the father of really bad veggie jokes?
A. Pop Corn!

Q. Why did the chemist concoct a laughing gas that also works as a laxative?
A. Just for shits and grins!

Q. Why didn't the chemist ever tell jokes?
A. He was afraid he wouldn't get a good reaction.

Q. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A. A running joke.

Green Putt to Ponder: Why are there so many golf jokes, considering golfers aren't laughing most of the time?

Q. What happens if you read too many baseball jokes?
A. You're left in stitches.

Q. Why didn't any of the bodybuilders laugh at the Painful pre-workout Pun?
A. 'Cause it was a bit of a stretch.

Q. How do pins feel about Painful bowling Puns?
A. It's a split outcome, but most fall over laughing.

Q. What do pins say about Painful bowling Puns?
A. Please spare us!

Q. How do pins feel about Painful kegler Puns?
A. They bowl over in laughter.

Gutter humor has its puns and cons...

Q. How do Painful Punsters prefer their eggs?
A. Funny side up!

Q. Why do chicks like Mile High Club jokes?
A. Because they're so flocking funny!

Q. What warning should be included along with poultry puns?
A. Beware of Chicken Shit Jokes.

Q. Why are these painful chicken jokes so funny?
A. They scratch your itch for puns.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To find out what all the jokes were about.

Q. Why do chickens think Colorado native jokes are so funny?
A. Because they're cheep and made up from scratch!

Q. Why do hens write chicken jokes?
A. Because they're so clucking funny!

Q. Why did the poultry farmer always tell jokes to the hens?
A. He liked to egg them on.

Poultry Point to Ponder: Are chicken jokes cheeper by the dozen?

Q. Why do cows like Painful Cowlorado Puns?
A. They like being a-moosed.

Q. What is a Colorado steak pun?
A. A medium where anything well done is rare!

Q. What do dairy cows eat up cheese jokes and Painful cheesy food Puns?
A. Because they like corn.

Groan of the Day: I have a funny pun about gasoline, but fuel you get it.

Q. What is it called when there's a big ruckus in a craft beer pub about a Painful beer Pun?
A. A real brew ha ha!

Q. In Colorado, is it okay to tell funny jokes about the Rolling Stones?
A. Yes. In fact, it's a gas.

Q. Why did the Colorado brewer name his new craft beer Rocky Mountain Wry?
A. Because it's a real barrel of laughs!

Q. Why hasn't anybody heard the latest Russian doll riddle?
A. 'Cause it's an inside joke.

Q. Why are salty Painful chemistry Puns so bad?
A. They often make you go Na Na.

Q. Why are Painful chemistry Puns so bad?
A. They often make you go HeHe.

Q. How often do you come across really funny chemistry jokes?
A. Only periodically.

Q. Does anybody know any jokes about sodium?
A. Na.

Q. Why are chemistry jokes so dull?
A. Because they lack the element of Surprise!

Q. Why are there so few funny toy Lego blocks jokes?
A. 'Cause it's not that easy to fit the pieces together properly. .

Q. Why is it so hard to find a good chemistry pun?
A. Because the best are Argon, so Na.

Science Point to Ponder: If you don't understand chemistry puns, are you a boron?

Q. Why do locksmiths enjoy unlocking Painful Puns?
A. Because the jokes are f-key-ing funny!

Q. How does the locksmith feel about painful key puns?
A. They are re-bolting and king-key.

Q. How can you tell locksmiths and safe crackers like painful puns?
A. Because they break into laughter.

Q. What is the best part about elevator jokes?
A. They always work on so many levels.

Q. Why aren't there more contractor jokes?
A. They're still working on it.

Q. Do computers enjoy low tech jokes?
A. No, not one bit.

Q. Why aren't there many toy boat jokes?
A. 'Cause nobody can repeat them three times.

Q. Do tech nerds like painful computer science puns?
A. Not one byte!

Q. Why are Denver Broncos jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A. Because now the players are making them up themselves!

Q. Why are Denver Broncos jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A. Because the idiot who thought up the temporary new name for the stadium is further Empower-ed to make them up now!

Q. Why aren't there very many funny Broncos jokes this year?
A. 'Cause there's just nothing to smile about this bucking season!

Q. Which Painful Denver Broncos Puns do pigs enjoy the most?
A. The corniest humor and the sloppiest jokes!

Orange you glad that last Denver Broncos pun blue you away?

Q. What do Denver Bronco fans say about Painful Puns that feature equines?
A. Neigh!

Wanna hear a crappy Denver Broncos joke? (Sorry, fellow Bronco fans ­ that isn't funny at all.)

Q. Why do ETs in Colorado enjoy Painful pot Puns?
A. 'Cause they're both green, short, and blunt.

Q. How can you tell blooming funny Colorado gardener jokes are bad?
A. When they're a real pain in the aster.

There really aren't many good Colorado marijuana munchie puns about Italian food other than a fusilli remarks.

Q. Why are Colorado mountain jokes so funny?
A. Because they're so high!

Q. Why are jokes about the Colorado Rocky Mountains so funny?
A. Because they're hill-arious!

Q. Why are Colorado mountain climbing puns so funny?
A. Because they really peak your interest!

Q. Why are the Colorado ski slopes so funny?
A. Because they're hill areas!

High Country Sunset Painful Puns: Orange you glad you red all these Colorful Colorado jokes?

Q. Why do optometrists like PainfulPuns Eye Doctor Puns?
A. It's a fun web sight for in-site-ful online humor!

Q. What did the Colorado eye doctor say when questioned about his jokes?
A. My puns are corneas taco shells!

Q. Which kind of humor do optometrists appreciate the most?
A. Eye-rony.

Q. What did the eye doctor say about the last painful eye pun?
A. I just didn't see that one coming!

Q. What do ophthalmologists say about painful eye puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!

Q. Why didn't the dermatologist laugh at the surgeon's pun?
A. Because it was an inside joke!

A guy accidentally butt dialed his proctologist. The doctor said he was getting tired of that shitty joke.

Q. Why did the proctologist quit his job?
A. Because he was tired of being the butt of all these shitty jokes.

Kirk: How are a joke and a hot date alike?
Spock: A joke is a story with a humorous climax.

Q. What does Spock think about punny Vulcan jokes?
A. Fascinating!

Q. What did Spock say when he finally got the joke's punch line?
A. Wanting is a better feeling than having.

Q. What does Mr. Spock think about all this lively Vulcan humor?
A. I think it's a joke form, Jim, but not as we know it.

Q. Why is Spock the most interesting sci-fi icon?
A. Because Spock thinks it's interesting, even if he doesn't get the joke.

Q. What does Mr. Spock think about Vulcan jokes?
A. He does understand the complex nature of lively puns, but he just doesn't see the humor in it.

Q. Why are there so few good Doctor Who puns?
A. Because Cybermen keep deleting the jokes with good timing.

Q. Why do fans of The Doctor laugh at time travel puns?
A. Because they're Whomorous.

Q. Why are there so few funny Doctor Who jokes?
A. There are, but the Silence makes you forget them all.

Q. Why are Painful Doctor Who Puns so funny?
A. Because Daleks exterminated the inferior ones.

Q. Why do Daleks like Painful Doctor Who Puns?
A. Because they're all fictional mutants.

Q. How are Daleks like Painful Time Lord Puns?
A. They're equally villainous.

Q. How does The Hulk describe Painful superhero Puns?
A. Tear-able, Terrible, and Terror-able!

Q. What kind of jokes does Batman like the most?
A. Dark humor.

Q. Why are jokes about boxing always so funny?
A. Because they always pack one helluva good punch line.

Q. Why did the boxer hate pugilist jokes?
A. 'Cause he's always in the punch line!

Q. What do you call ten boxers in a row?
A. The punch line!

Q. Why did we skip the last time travel joke?
A. Because nobody at this year's Sci-Fi Con is laughing.

Q. Why weren't the jokes in Star Wars - The Last Jedi very funny?
A. They all scened a bit forced.

Q. Why do crows and ravens tell really dumb jokes?
A. Just be-caws!

Q. How are mosquitoes just like cheesy puns?
A. Both are very annoying and the worst ones really bite!

Q. What is the difference between a pizza and Painful pizza Puns?
A. These pizza puns can't be topped!

Q. What do you call people who post particularly funny pickle puns?
A. Dilly Silly!

Q. Why couldn't the hamburger patty stop making jokes?
A. Because it was on a roll!

Q. Do stale old jokes ever die?
A. No, they live on to be retold generation after generation.

Q. Which kind of corn jokes are the funniest?
A. The ones that really pop.

Q. How are an angry Teddy bear and a lame joke alike?
A. The punch is weak, at best.

Q. Do big, scary monsters enjoy skeleton jokes?
A. Yes, they find them quite humerus.

Q. Why do monsters like these jokes?
A. Because being evil is devilishly hard work.

Q. Why do some people hate jokes about ghosts?
A. Because they lack substance.

Scary Groan of the Day: Sea monster jokes are Kraken me up.

Q. When does a skeleton laugh?
A. When something tickles his funny bone!

Q. How does the Frankenstein monster make everybody laugh?
A. He keeps them all in stitches.

Q. How do you describe a really corny pun?
A. Truly ear-ful.

Q. How many drummer jokes are there?
A. a one, a two, a one two three four...

Q. Which prehistoric animal like to tell wry jokes?
A. The dino-satire.

Q. Why don't tasteless old jokes ever die?
A. Because they're born in a gray area.

Dental Point to Ponder: Why do dentist jokes make you feel down in the mouth?

Q. Why are salesman jokes so funny?
A. 'Cause they sell themselves.

Q. Which is the funniest medical position?
A. Chiropractor, because they always crack you up!

Q. What is the most popular type of bathroom joke?
A. Urine is the clear winner at #1, but poop is a solid #2!

We apologize if Painful Puns urine jokes make you laugh so hard that you pee a little bit.

Did you hear there's a new constipation joke at PainfulPuns? Yeah, we're still waiting for it to come out...

Q. Are constipation jokes funny?
A. Shit NO!

Q. Why are Scrabble game jokes so funny?
A. 'Cause they're always a play on words.

Q. Do Painful old Puns ever die?
A. Nope, they continue to cause groans for generations to come.

Old jokes never die, but they so end up six-feet under at PainfulPuns!

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

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