| Q.
What do you call the psychic ability to know what's inside
a wrapped birthday present?
A. It's a gift.
Q.
Why did the ESP Academy only order small and large T-shirts?
A. 'Cause they already had enough mediums.
A
fortune teller told a guy that he'd come into big money
one day. Now, he's married to his over-weight wife named,
Penny.
You
might need a new psychic if his spoon bending ability requires
two pairs of pliers.
ESP
Point to Ponder: If it's the Psychic Network why
do they even need a phone number?
Future
Groan: A guy went to see a fortune teller, but she said
she had a headache. So he offered her some aspirin, medium
strength.
A
woman goes to the fortune teller and says, "Two men
want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune
teller answers, "You will marry Jeremy. Josh will be
the lucky one."
Q.
Which kind of hamburger can see into your future?
A. A Medium.
Q.
What did guests call the party hosted by The Notorious B.I.G.
that featured a giant fortune teller?
A. A large medium at Small's.
Q.
Why did photographers attend psychic medium seances more
often before digital cameras?
A. 'Cause they were used to spending time in dark rooms.
Q.
How do you describe a happy medium?
A. In good spirits. |
Q.
What do you call an Italian fortune teller with a negative
outlook on the future?
A. A pesto-mystic.
Q.
What did the psychic say to her Italian chef customer?
A. A penne for your thoughts.
Q.
Which beef steak can see into your future?
A. A Medium.
I
am a gifted mind-reader. I do know what you're thinking...
You don't believe me...
Q.
What did the client say when a psychic told him the spirit
of an old Italian chef is haunting his house?
A. I'm not worried because I ain’t alfredo no ghost.
ESP
Laugh of the Day: A guy was looking for a new psychic, but
noticed they're all either obese or anorexic. He wondered
why it's so hard to find a healthy medium.
ESP
Point to Ponder: Why do you have to make an appointment
with your psychic, if they already know you're coming?
A
man went to a fortune teller to see his future. The psychic
said: "Oh, I see that on Saturday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replied the man. “What
I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
Q.
Why did the fortune teller cancel today's appointments?
A. Due to unforeseen circumstances.
Q.
Why did the crystal ball salesman quit his jok?
A. He just didn't see any future in it.
Old
mediums never die, but they do go off to visit all their
old friends and acquaintences.
|
Q.
Why can't gypsies have babies?
A. Because they have crystal balls.
Unanswered
ESP Riddle: What is the next favorite psychic joke
of all you mind readers out there?
Extra
Sensory Groan of the Day: Two psychics met while walking
down the street. One says to the other, "You're doing
fine. How am I?"
Q.
Why did the cross-eyed clairvoyant go see her optometrist?
A. Because she was seeing the past and the future at the
same time.
ESP
Power Point: How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise
my hand.
Q.
How do the guy describe getting oral sex from a psychic?
A. Mind blowing.
A
guy went to see a fortune teller and asked if there were
any problems specific to his new job. Fortune Teller: Yes,
PTSD. Guy: That is common in a lot of professions. Fortune
Teller: No, PRE traumatic stress disorder.
Unanswered
Riddle: If two psychics read each other's minds, are they
just reading their own?
Q.
Why don't fortune tellers have to use contraceptives?
A. They have crystal balls and can see it coming.
Psychic:
I just got a jury summons. Friend: Again?
Psychic: Yes. That's the last time I conduct a seance in
a courhouse.
Old
seers never die. They just lose their vision. |
