Chimp Chef Says: Saw my dad chopping up Onions today and I cried. Onions was a good dog!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. What did the frog order at McDonalds? A. French flies and a diet croak!
Q. What kind of crackers do firement like in their soup? A. Firecreackers!
I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Then I had the biggest vowel movement ever today!
Q How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know!

 


Groaner Jokes, Facepalm Puns, Funny Ouch!
Hurt your head with ouch jokes, groaner humor, and painful puns that'll make you groan.

Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Ouch One-Liners
(Because Painful Groaner Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream Unless You Already Have a Headache!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Funny groaner jokes, head-hurting humor, and painful laughter ahead.
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |

Q. Why do horses fart when they buck? A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!Cops arrested two boys, one for drinking battery acid and the other for fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off!Q. What happened to the optician who fell into the lens grinder? A. He made a spectacle of himself!

Q. When does a horse talk?
A. Whinny wants to!

Q. What did one horse say to another?
A. The face looks familiar, but I don't remember the mane.

Q. What kind of bakery does a horse like?
A. Thoroughbread.

Q. What do you give to a sick horse?
A. Cough Stirrup!

Q. Which hired killer never gets a prison sentence?
A. An exterminator!

Q. What happened to the robber who stole the street lamp?
A. He got a light sentence.

Q. What do you call a thief that steals everything except your soap and towels?
A. A dirty crook!

Q. What does your optician say if you don't laugh at his painful puns?
A. Lens not lose sight of the humor.

See, Opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!

It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for the frame and fortune!

Q. Why did a myopic marry her optician?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship.

Ape Chef Says: Smoking will kill you and bacon will kill you, but smoking bacon will cure it!Hulk Asks: What do you get if you cross a body builder and a peeping Tom? A. Amazing Peeks!Q. How did Captain Hook die? A. Multiple stab wounds due to an itchy rash!

The chef's cooking was so good that even the smoke alarm cheers him on!

Q. What do you get if Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy bread?
A. A redhead with a yeast infection.

Did you hear about the punny chef who was know for his antics and capers?

Before he was hired as a fry cook, they grilled him.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, now it's your turn to spot me, 'cause I spotted you all the way across the room when you walked in.

Gym Pick-Up Line: Do you believe in love at first sight? Or, should I curl this barbell another ten times?

Gym Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you thirsty? 'Cause I've got a six-pack right here.

Q. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on his birthday?
A. Because he left his phone off the hook.

Q. Why did the pirate give up the game of golf?
A. Because he kept hooking the ball.

Pirate Factoid: Hooks and wooden legs are expensive these days. They cost an arm and a leg.

What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket!At the ATM, a woman asked if I could check her balance., so I pushed her over?Did you hear about the carrot detective? It got to the root of every case!

Q. Why can't Smokey the Bear's wife have cubs?
A. Because every time she's hot, he gives her the cold shovel treatment.

Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be toasty for the rest of his life.

Fitness Philosophy Failure: I've accepted the fact that being cremated is the only way I'll ever have a smokin' hot body.

Future Financial Point to Ponder: If time is money, are ATMs time machines?

Q. What did the bank owner do after the last masked bandit robbery?
A. He brought in bulls to beef up security.

Did you realize that a lot of money is tainted? 'Taint mine and it taint yours.

Q. How did the old banker die?
A. He just cashed out.

Q. How do you murder a salad?
A. Go for the carrot-id artery.

Q. Which vegetable are all the other veggies afraid of?
A. A Scarrot!

Q. Why did the snowman rummage through a big bag of carrots?
A. He was picking his nose.

How do you throw a party for an alien? You have to planet!Gorilla Chef Asks: Where can you expect to find a stirring message? A. In a recipe!Did you hear about the guy who fell asleep with his headphones on? He slept soundly!

Q. Why don't many aliens party at the Mars Bar?
A. They're not feeling much of an atmosphere there.

Q. Why don't space men get hungry after being blasted into space?
A. Because they've just had a very big lauch!

Q. What is a little green man's weed source?
A. Mother Earth.

Q. What do you say to a hot astronaut?
A. Back that NASA up!

Worst alien pick-up line ever:
Hi, I'm an space explorer and my next mission is to visit Uranus.

Q. Why was the top chef's job in jeopardy?
A. His latest creation was a recipe for disaster.

Q. What does it take to be a great chef?
A. It boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.

Q. What don't they serve to drink in a bakery?
A. Baking Soda.

Q. What did yeast say to flour?
A. I loaf you dough much!

Q. What happened when the pastry chef's wife came home early?
A. She caught him master baking.

Q. Why do lead guitarists walk around on the stage?
A. To get away from the sound.

Q. How can you tell when a guitarist is out of tune?
A. His hands are moving.

Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.

Q. How does a Blonde soparano sing the scales?
A. Do Re Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me, Doh!

Pirate frontman's motto: It's better to be sharp than out of tune.

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |


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You've headed down this far, so here's even more OH Horrors humor,
facepalm laughs, OUCH jokes, and painful puns to make you groan:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Turdy Puns | Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

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Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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