Ouch! Happy Hurts Day!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Have you heard about the new garlic diet? You don't lose much weight but from a distance, friends think you look thinner.
Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A. To get to the second hand shop!
Q. Where do ships go when they are sick? A. The dock!
Q How many blindes does it take to change a light bulb? A. One, but she'll break ten bulbs before figuring out they can't be pushed int!

 


Perilous Puns, Groaner Jokes, Horrid Humor
Hurt yourself silly with ouch jokes, traumatic puns, and horrendous humor that'll groan on you.

Groaner Jokes, Hazardous Humor, Serious Ouch!
(Because Groaner Jokes, Ouch Humor, and Painful Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream on Wednesday or Hurts Day!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Hazardous humor, horrendous jokes, and perilous groaner puns ahead.
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |

Q. How can you tell if someone who's having a temper tantrum is on the phone? A. You get a tizzy signal!Q. How di Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? A. He forgot to wrap his Whopper!Have you read the book, Damn It Jim? It's by Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.

Q. How do, like, really laid-back types answer their phone?
A. Mellow.

Q. What do you get if you cross scissors with a phone?
A. Snippy answers!

Q. What do you call spammer robo callers?
A. Phonies.

When pesky telemarketers call, just hand the phone to your three-year-old and tell her it's Santa... OUCH!

Q. How can you tell if hamburgers have a high I.Q.?
A. They loin fast.

Q. What happens when two hamburgers fall in love?
A. They live together in holy meatrimony!

Q. Is it proper to eat a hamburger with your fingers?
A. No, fingers should be eaten separately!

Q. How was the hamburger murdered?
A. First it was rolled, then it was smothered in onions.

Q. Why did Nancy find Doctor McCoy so attractive?
A. He had great Bones structure.

Q. What did Dr. McCoy mumble when he finally went through the time portal gate on Guardian of Forever?
A. "You're all the same. In one era and out the other."

Q. What did Leonard McCoy say after he re-inserted Spock's brain into his head?
A. "I should never have reconnected his mouth."

Chimp asks: Why couldn't the banan yell HI? A. It could only YELLOW!ET Chef Says: "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian" is a fun thing to say when somebody hands you their baby!Cow Chef Asks: Did you hear about the brutal fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered!

Q. What does a banana holler from a mountain top?
A. "Yellow down there!"

Q. Why did the blonde eat a banana without peeling it first?
A. Duh! She already knew what was inside.

Did you hear about the new Banana Diet? You don't lose much weight, but climbing trees is a breeze!

Q. Which fruit do lambs like the best?
A. Baa-naa-naas!

Q. Why does vegan cheese taste so bad?
A. Because it isn't tested on mice.

Q. What do you call a militant vegan?
A. Lactose intolerant.

Q. What is it called when a vegan goes back to eating meat?
A. Losing one's veg-inity!

Q. What did one vegetarian spy say to another?
A. We've got to stop meating this way.

Did you hear about the fish chef? He has a lox on his plate...

Q. Why did the chef get tossed out of the baseball league?
A. He was always trying to steal basils.

Q. Why did the elderly chef retire?
A. His sage was showing.

The chef flew into a rage with his new waiter. "Didn't I tell you to notice when the soup boiled over?" The waiter replied, "I did – it was at 4:25."

Hulk Asks: What do you call a horny stoner? A. A Weed Whacker!Q. Why did the eye doctor give new patients magic eye puzzles? A. As an eyes breaker!Captain Kirk Says: Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

The Hulk once ate a whole cake before the frat boys could tell him there was a girl inside.

Q. How do you grow your own dope?
A. Plant a man!

Colorado 420 pick-up line: Hey, I'm feeling a little off today, but I bet you could turn me on!

I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl, until I asked her if she had papers – she immediately ran off.

We know these eye puns keep getting cornea and cornea. Iris the jokes were more colorful, but please don't lash out!

Q. How are eye doctors and teachers alike?
A. They both test the pupils and quiz you about what you just read.

Q. What does an eye doctor say when he's stymied?
A. Eye Caramba!

Q. What is an eye doctor's favorite legume?
A. Black-eyed peas.

Q. How do you know you're a true Trekker?
A. You learned how to successfully pick up women by studying Captain Kirk.

Q. Why is James T. Kirk still the best Star Trek captain of all time?
A. Captain Kirk once fought a Greek god, and won!

Q. What is Captain Kirk's most effective pick-up line?
A. Let me show you where I like to land my shuttle.

Recently, a pig invited me to see his new home. Actually, it was quite stylish!Q. What do you call advice from your dentist? A. Dental floss-ophy!Big Ape Asks: Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a pig's favorite color?
A. Mahogany!

Q. Which kind of social gatherings do pigs like the most?
A. Sow-prise parties!

Q.Why did the hogs put a blanket on the ground?
A. They were having a pig-nic.

Q. Where do pigs go to hook up?
A. The meet market. OUCH!

Q. What do you call a dentist who simply won't stop working on your teeth?
A. Abscess-ive compulsive!

A dentist with a toothache could have a bad impact on his patients.

An orthodontist was found dead, killed by a hatchet. But, nobody was arrested because the death was ruled axe-i-dental.

Q. How are vampires and false teeth alike?
A. They only come out at night!

Q. What is alimony?
A. The screwing you get for the screwing you did.

Q. What do spoiled children think MOM stands for?
A. Made Of Money.

Q. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny blonde?
A. One's a phony buck.

Banking Point to Ponder: Is fine print a clause for suspicion?

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |


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You've chuckled along this far, so here's even more hazardous humor,
traumatic jokes, and perilous painful puns that are likely to groan on you:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bigfoot Jokes | Bronco Jokes | Burger Puns | Chef Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Fitness Humor | Galactic Groans |
| Gnome Kidding! | Hot Dog Jokes | Music Jokes | Pitiful Pick-Up Lines | Q. Funny Answers | Humor That Sucks |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Turdy Puns | Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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