Q. What do you call the ability to see a hundred years into the future? A. Extra-Century Perception!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? A. You can unscrew a light bulb!
Q. Why do poicemen have bigger balls than firemen? A. they sell more tickets!
Q. How can you tell if a woman is wearing panty hose? A. If she farts, her ankles swell up!
Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two, but nobody knows how they got in there?
Q. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A. Remorse code!

 


Groaner Jokes and Head-Slapping Humor - Ouch!
Hurt so good with funny facepalm puns, forehead-hitting humor, and aggravating jokes.

Groaner Jokes and Hairy Painful Puns That Hurt!
(Because Slapstick Humor and Lame Jokes Are TOO Mainstream and Painless Puns Are Just Plain Wrong!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Knee-slapping humor, groaner jokes, painful puns, and OUCH ahead.
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |

Big Ape Asks: Why do bankers make great lovers? A. They know  the penalty for early withdrawal!You might be from Colorado if you highly recomment the Rocky Mountain Oysters to your visiting in-laws!Green Alien Says: My wife says I never bring her to an organic?

Q. Why did the bank manager take the blonde teller into the vault?
A. For safe sex.

Q. What is the problem with banker jokes?
A. Bankers don't think they're funny, and normal people don't think they're jokes!

Q. What do you call a banker who is all by himself?
A. A Loan.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Two blondes were on a road trip to Denver. The sign said, "Denver Left," so they started crying and went home.

Q. After a night of camping in eastern Colorado, what did the Lone Ranger say when he woke to see his tent had blown away by a tornado?
A. Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore!

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. Why are astronauts such successful people?
A. Because they always go up in the world.

Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phoned home!

Q. What do you call an insane green space man?
A. An Astro-Nut!

Q. What do you say to a hot astronaut?
A. Back that NASA up!

Did you hear about the guy who wanted glasses unlike anyone else's? He opted to have a pair custom-eyesed!Hulk Says: Yuck, I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!One day, you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast!

Q. What happened to the optician who fell into the lens grinding machine?
A. He made a real spectacle of himself.

Q. Why do optometrists live such long lives?
A. Because they dilate.

It's clear to see that opticians are not just in it for the frame and fortune!

It's apparent we'll get 20 lashes for that painful pun!

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

Q. Why don't you ever fart in church?
A. Because you need to sit in your pew!

Q. What is green and smelly?
A. Incredible Hulk poop!

Q. What did one fly ask another fly?
A. Is this stool taken?

Two flies are sitting on a pile of poop. One fly farts, and the other fly yells, "Hey, I'm trying to eat here!"

Who else is glad that Tootsday and Turdsday are two days apart? GROAN!

Q. What did the butter say to the bread?
A. I'm on a roll!

Q. Why don't people like working at a bakery?
A. Because it's a crumby place to work.

Q. Why was the baker in a panic?
A. Because he was in a loaf or death situation.

Q. Why did the baker stop making donuts?
A. Because he got tired of the hole thing.

Q. What do you call it when you play on the same team as your manicurist? A. Playing with filer!ET Chef Asks: How are UFOs and White Castle alike? A. Both are unidentified frying objects!Women's Wine Joke: What's the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot every time!

Q. How should you feel after a manicure?
A. Like the cat's meow.

Q. Why did the dentist and the manicurist end up getting a divorce?
A. Whenever they fought, it was tooth and nail.

Blonde Manicurist Point to Ponder: Why hasn't anybody invented edible nail polish?

Q. What is the difference between a nail and a bad boxer?
A. One gets knocked in and the other gets knocked out.

Q. How is a bad soccer team like a worn-out old bra?
A. No cups and little support.

Q. What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?
A. Gravi-Tea.

Q. What do gray aliens put on their toast?
A. Space Jam.

Q. What do interstellar aliens eat launch on?
A. Flying Saucers!

Q. What should you do if you come across a green alien?
A. Wait until it's ripe.

Spaceman: I'm hungry.
Second spaceman: So am I. It must be launch time?

Q. Can you drink Champagne for breakfast?
A. Wine not?

Q. What is a great name for a wine sommelier?
A. Merl O. Daily!

Some people say laughter is the best medicine and others think wine is the way to go. So, why not do both?

I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. I think that's what they mean by reducing it!

I do not like whiny and cheesy people, but I DO like wine and cheese people!

Q. What's another name for exercise? A. The Joy of Flex!Q. What do you get when you put the money you've earned and IRS together? A. THEIRS!Q. What do you do when the church choir sings a bit off key? A. You cut them psalm slack!

Fun Fitness Fact: Did you know eating oysters can increase your mussel mass?

Q. What makes a bodybuilder smile at the gym?
A. Face muscles!

Gym pick-up line: Hey girl, I know of a fun aerobic exercise that can burn 500 calories an hour...

Workout Wisecrack: They say the best exercise is in the bedroom. Well, that's where I get the most resistance...

Q. Why did the company's CPA drop a brownie on his calculator?
A. He was trying to fudge the numbers.

Q. When do you feel stuck with your debt?
A. When you can't budge-it.

Q. What do you call a rep at a predatory refi company?
A. A loan wolf.

Q. How did the tight rope walking banker die?
A. He lost his balance.

Q. Why can't skeletons play at church?
A. They have no organs.

The fact that there's a Highway to Hell and a Stairway to Heaven says alot about the anticipated traffic.

Q. Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A. If a man blows into it, God only know what comes out.

Musical Point to Ponder: Is a harp actually just a nude piano?

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |


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You've taken this punishment, so here's even more head-slapping humor,
aggravating groaner jokes, and hairy painful puns that hurt so good:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bigfoot Jokes | Bronco Jokes | Burger Puns | Chef Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Fitness Humor | Galactic Groans |
| Gnome Kidding! | Hot Dog Jokes | Music Jokes | Pitiful Pick-Up Lines | Q. Funny Answers | Humor That Sucks |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superhero Jokes | Turdy Puns | Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

Funny Riddles, Punny Answers! Monstrously Funny Puns Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Holiday Puns, Silly Seasonal Jokes Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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