Q. Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the vault? A. For Safe Sex!   PainfulPuns.com - Groaner Puns, Painful Jokes, Funny Ouch!

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Q. Why do ghosts maek good cheerleaders? A. Because they have a lot of spirit!
When taking your car out in inclement weather, always make sure it's driving rain!
There are over 60,000 miles of blood vessels in the human body. No wonder I have tired blood!
Q. How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. Squirrels only change bulbs that are nut broken!
An Orange Asks: Orange you glad you saw this pun?

 


Groaner Jokes, Bloody Funny Puns, Punny Ouch!
Groan along with brutally funny jokes, horrifying humor, and painful puns that really do hurt.

Painful Jokes, Groaner Puns, Funny Ouch!
(Because Ouch! Jokes and Painful Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Snowed in at the Airport)
Warning: Funny Bone Protection Advised! Painful groaner humor, bloody funny jokes, and pitiful puns ahead.
| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |

Q. What is a crappy chef's favorite thing to do? A Cut the cheese!I was dating a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone on the side!Q. What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake? A. After you're set on fire, you are eaten by the hero who saved you!

I would make chef puns, but that wouldn't be very knife.

Chefs are pretty cleaver!

Chef Pick-Up Line: Cumin here often?

Did you know that stir fry cooks come from all woks of life?

Chef Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, you remind me of my spice cabinet because you've got a fine grind goin' on!

If looks could kill, my ex girlfriend could have killed around corners.

Q. What do somebody with a lazy eye and an opiate addict have in common?
A. Neither can look straight.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed psychic? She could see the past and the future at the same time.

Looking for something to tickle his funny bone? Just make a couple of hum-iris witticisms!

On your birthday, count your blessings, not your age. And, on your birthday, count your blessings, not calories!

Q. When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A. When it's sliced.

Q. What did the cake say to the fork?
A. You wanna a piece of me?

Q. How do chickens bake a cake?
A. From scratch!

Q. What do you call a pair of vehicles involved in a plat? A. Two car collusion!Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don't know, and I don't care!Q. What did a hamburger say to another hamburger in the bathroom? A. I musturd!

Q. When is a car not a car?
A. When it turns into a driveway!

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if they had four doors, they'd be a sedan.

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A. The porcupine carries his pricks on the outside!

Unanswered Riddle: Why does a guy who runs after a car get exhausted and a guy who runs in front of the car get tired?

Q. Why were scientists disappointed with the reaction when they announced finding a cure for apathy?
A. No one showed the slightest interest in their discovery.

Q. How can you create artificial peace?
A. With indifference.

Q. What's the dif between apathy and indifference?
A. Who cares?

Unanswered Riddle: Why are there no opinions about apathy?

Q. Why was the hamburger thrown out of the army?
A. Because he couldn't pass the mustard.

Q. What do you give a dog with a fever?
A. Mustard is the best thing for a hot dog.

Q. What did the hot dog say to the mustard?
A. Stop touching my buns!

Q. What are the rules when mustard races ketchup?
A. Weiner take all!

Green ET Says: Let's zoom in on where that meteor struck. I'd like to observe it in crater detail!A bank manager without anyone around may find himself a loan!Q. How did the cow get to Mars? A. It flew through udder space!

Q. Where do Martians leave their spaceships?
A. At the nearest parking meteor!

Q. What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?
A. Gravi-Tea.

Q. What does an alien use to keep his feet warm?
A. A Space Heater!

Q. Why did the alien suddenly stop what he was doing?
A. Because he just spaced out!

Q. What happened to the banking tycoon who fell overboard while yachting?
A. He's fine because he floated himself a loan.

Banking Point to Ponder: Do bankers have their own interest at heart while discussing a loan with you?

Q. What happens when accountants are left a loan?
A. They become debt-icated.

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

Q. Why is space flight so enticing for cows?
A. They love udder space!

Q. How do cow astronauts talk to mission control?
A. They cow-municate.

Q. What do you call it when a cow satellite observes Mars?
A. A spaced out steak out.

Q. Which planetary body is full of cows?
A. The MOOn!

Joggers hafe a funny one-liner that keeps cirulating among them. It's a running joke!Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they unheard of?Q. How are harps like elderly people? A. Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of your car!

Running Wisdom: Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right running shoe is choosing the left one.

Q. What do runners do when they forget something?
A. They jog their memory!

Q. Why are joggers excused from jury duty?
A. Lawyers don't want to risk a runaway jury.

Q. What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
A. Resistance Training!

A nurse practitioner was examining his patient who happened to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to her chest and said, "Big breaths." The woman replied, "Yes, they used to be bigger."

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far...

Q. What do you ge if you have strep throat on Friday?
A. Saturday Night Fever!

Q. Which creepy gothic tune do powerful old people moan about?
A. We Suck Young Blood by Radiohead.

Q. How long does a harp stay in tune?
A. About 20 minutes or until somebody opens the door.

Q. What message did the pianist leave for his wife?
A. Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a minuet.

Middle C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar. Bartender says to E-flat, "Sorry, we don't serve minors here."

| Painful Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| Blonde Jokes | 2 | Bad Hair Puns & Barber Jokes | 2 | Hipster Jokes | Hipster Pick-Up Lines |
| Painful Fashion Jokes | 2 | 3 | Shoe Groans | Furniture Jokes | Psychic Puns | Weather Puns |
| OMG! Religion Jokes | Travel Jokes | Time Travel Jokes | Timely Puns | Cross the Road Jokes |
| Daily Groan Puns | Light Bulb Groaner Jokes | Painful Pirate Puns | Arr! | Pirate Hookup Lines |
| Painful Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groaners | Cents-Less Jokes |


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