We can see that these eye puns are bad, so iris my case!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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An optometrist asked a guy if his eyes had ever been checked. The guy replied, "No, they've always been brown!"
Q. Where do you send a depressed eye? A. To the low vision center!
Happy Eye Day!
Q. What did one eye say to the other eye? A. Just between us, something smells!
Q. What did the optometrist say to the guy with three eyes? A. Aye, Aye, Aye!
The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness.
Eye Humor: Eye'm Baaaaaaacccckkk!
Patient: "I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye when I drink coffee!" Eye Doc: "Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?"
Q. In New England, what do they call a deer with no eyes? A. No Idea!

 


Eye Jokes, Humor-Iris Puns, Eye-Ronic Humor
Focus on funny eyeball jokes, cross-eyed humor, eye-opening memes and the corneas puns.

Eye Puns, Eyeball Humor, Funny Eye Jokes
(Because Out of Focus Jokes and Ins-Eye-tful Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Mr. Magoo or Pirates. Aye!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution. Eye Protection Advised! It's clear to see eye puns and eyeball jokes are painful.
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Q. What did one eye say to the other? A. Between you and me, something smells!We can see that these eye puns are bad, so there's no need to lash out!I was dating a girl with a lazy eye, but I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone on the side!

Q. Why did the eyeball break up with the elbow?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus jabs at all humor-iris.

Q. Which kind of humor do optometrists appreciate the most?
A. Eye-rony.

Q. Why did the eyeball learn so quickly?
A. Because it had an Eye IQ.

Q. What is an eyeball's favorite time of the day?
A. Twelve O'clock Eye!

Q. How did the amazing carpenter cut a piece of wood just by looking at it?
A. He saw it with his own eye.

Q. What should you put on a black eye?
A. An eyes pack!

It's always nice to have some fresh punch lines to break the eyes.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. FSH.

Eye Doctor: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Is it really hurting my eyes? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable.

Q. What happened when a cashier scanned the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader?
A. The look on his face was priceless.

Q. What can make your eyes lonely?
A. Eye-solation!

My girlfriend has beautifully colored eyes. I particularly like the blue one.

Far-Sighted Pick Up Line: Hey girl, eye see you in my future.

Blurry Pick Up Line: Hey girl, your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl!

Q. What does an eyeball say after making a faux pas?
A. Eye Bad!

Q. Why did the clever blonde decide to rinse her eyes with ketchup?
A. Duh! Because Heinz-sight is 20/20.

The last eye pun was even cornea than this one!Q. Where is the eye located? A. Between the H and the J!It's plain to see that these eye jokes are bad and they're just getting cornea and cornea!

Q. What did the eyeball say when it tasted cheesecake?
A. That's too eye for!

Q. What do ophthalmologists say about painful eye puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!

Q. What did one zombie say to another?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q. Who can help you if your glass eyeball has gone missing?
A. A private eye!

Q. Why was the eye going to anger management?
A. It told the therapist, "Eyelash out at people when eye'm mad."

Q. What did the right eye say to the left eye during the argument?
A. I clearly see you're still wrong.

Q. What does an eyeball call Denver, Colorado?
A. The Mile Eye City.

Q. How did the amazing carpenter cut a piece of wood just by looking at it?
A. He saw it with his own eye.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever put avocados in your eyes?
A. So you don't get guac-oma.

Q. How does an eyeball congratulate you?
A. It gives you an eye five.

Q. What did the eye doctor say about the last painful eye pun?
A. I just didn't see that one coming!

See Sick Pick Up Line: Hey babe, your eyes are bluer than the ocean, and I am lost at see.

Q. What is a blue eyeball's favorite song?
A. You Are Eye Sunshine!

Q. What does a determined eyeball say about completing its task?
A. I'll finish, come hell or eye water!

Q. What did the pirate say when he discovered he was missing his eye patch?
A. Please keep an aye out for it!

Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A. Shine a light in her ear!Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!

Q. What did the left eye say to its partner?
A. You are lookin' alright!

Q. What does any eyeball sing while gazing at Pike's Peak?
A. Ain't No Mountain Eye Enough!

Q. What do you call an eyeball that gets a pilot's license?
A. Sky Eye.

Did you hear that scientists have found a way to make dolphins invisible to the human eye? I don't really see the porpoise...

Q. Why do snipers always close one eye when aiming their shot?
A. Because if they closed both eyes, they couldn't see.

Blinding Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Q. What happens if a see-level eyeball travels to the top of Pike's Peak too quickly?
A. It gets Eye Altitude Sickness.

Q. Why did the eyeball think it was so smart?
A. Because it had an eye school diploma.

Q. What did the judge say about the bad eye pun during the trial?
A. Eye will allow it.

Q. What happened to the boy who was born without eyelids?
A. When he was circumcised, they used the skin for eyelids. Unfortunately, he's a little cock-eyed now.

Q. What did the horny eyeball join after leaving Denver International Airport?
A. The Mile Eye Club!

Patient: I have yellow eyes. What should I do?
Jokester Eye Doc: Wear a brown suit.

Q. What does an eyeball say when it has a fun weekend?
A. Eye had the time of eye life!

Myopic Squint of the Day: Guess who eye bumped into at my optometrist's office today? Everyone.

Q. Why were the eyelid and the eyebrow constantly fighting?
A. Because they just couldn't see eye to eye.

It's easy to see that these eye puns are painful. Coldly, we do it just to break the eyes!Hey Gnirl, does your left eye hurt? 'Cause you're lookin' alright!It's easy to see these eye puns are painful. As do eye!

Q. What did the snowman say to his son?
A. I told you if you kept crossing your eyes, they'd freeze that way!

Q. Why did the blonde say when she called in sick?
A. I have an eye problem. I can't see myself coming in today.

Q. What do you say after telling a really Painful eye Pun?
A. Corny, uh?

Blurry Funny Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you a magician? 'Cause when I look into your eyes, everything else disappears.

Q. Is it true that eyeballs can hear?
A. Yes, but only at extremely eye frequencies.

Did you hear about the promotion the glass eye manufacturer is having? It's called, "An Eye for An Eye."

Q. What happened to the patient whose eye surgery was botched?
A. He can't stop making eye puns, and the jokes are cornea than ever.

Q. How do you know if eyes are flirting with you?
A. They go: Wink, Wink!

Q. What did the blonde say to her contact lenses?
A. I can't take my eyes off you.

Blurred Pick Up Line: Hey dude, stop undressing me with your eyes. Use your teeth instead.

Q. How does your vision come up with a rough estimate?
A. It eyeballs it.

Patient: If there's a bee in my hand, what is in my eye?
Eye Doctor: Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

A guy was staring at Medusa's boobs when she remarked, "Hey, my eyes are up here." But he was already hard as a rock.

The patient was worried that the laser eye surgeon wasn't going to be any good, but he doesn't see any problem now.

Today's Vision Factoid: Whoever said carrots give you good vision was wrong. A carrot poked me in the eye, and I couldn't see for a week!

Q. Why was one cyclops always arguing with the other cyclops?
A. They just could not see eye to eye!

Q. Which day of the week do eye care professional like most?
A. Freaky Eye-day.

Q. Why do eyeballs like new electronics and smart appliances?
A. Because they're eye tech.

Q. What has one eye and two asses?
A. An assassin.

Q. Why did the doctor diagnose the guy who suffered from negativity with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerves between the eyeballs and asshole?
A. Because he had a shitty outlook on life.

Q. What happens if you have the eye of the tiger and the heart of a lion?
A. You get a lifetime ban from the zoo.

With that last eye pun, you made a true spectacle of yourself!Eye Joke: It is clear to see that these eye puns are full of Aqueous Humor!Your glass eye pun was even cornea than this one!

Q. What did the optician name his new eyewear shop?
A. For Eyes.

Q. Why was the cross-eyed teacher fired?
A. Because she couldn't control her pupils.

Q. How do you punish a naughty pupil?
A. Make it go sit in the cornea.

Q. What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes AT me!

Q. What did the street eyeball say?
A. Wassup brow?

Q. What has four eyes, but can't see?
A. Mississippi.

Do you remember when cosmetic surgery was taboo? Nowadays, you mention Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Clearly Funny Pick Up Line: Hey baby, your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

Q. What is an ophthalmologist's favorite song of all time?
A. Eye Of The Tiger.

Q. What did the eye doctor's lawyer say to the judge?
A. Iris my case.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Eye Point to Ponder: Eyelashes are supposed to keep stuff out of your eyes, yet whenever I get something in my, it's always an eyelash. How eye-ronic is that?

Q. What did the wife do when her husband told her she was drawing her eyebrows too high?
A. She looked really surprised.

Q. What did the near-sighted chihuahua say when he finally got the last little eye joke?
A. Eye Carumba!

Q. What do you call a fawn with no eyes?
A. No eye deer!

Q. What do you call a doe with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer!

Focused Pick Up Line: Hey girl, are you fireworks? 'Cause you're lighting up my eyes.

Q. What did the wife do when her husband told her she was drawing her eyebrows too low?
A. She just scowled at him.

Q. What happened to the girl who was born without eyebrows?
A. She had problems expressing herself.

| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |


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