Heart Jokes, Cardiac Puns, Broken Heart Humor

Heart Jokes, Cardiac Humor, Broken Heart Puns
(Because Hearty Jokes ane Throbbing Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Having an EKG!)

Q. Why was the skeleton so mean? A. He didn't have a heart!

Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!

If you believe the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming a bit too high.

Q. How did the vampire die of a broken heart?
A. He loved in vein.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, I can make your heart beat again.

The worst time to have a heart attack has to be during a game of charades.

Q. Why did the philanthropist go into cardiac arrest?
A. Because there were many causes close to his heart.

Drugged Up Post Op Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you get my heart racing like an epinehrine drip!

Sign on craft brew pub: We have beers as cold as your ex's heart.

Q. Why did the golfer quit his CPA job after 25 years to become a caddy?
A. He knew if he had a heart attack, there'd be plenty of doctors around.

Doctor Pick-Up Line: You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.

Did you know that one way to avoid heart surgery is to exercise and eat well? Then you can just bypass it!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school? A. His heart wasn't in it!

Q. Why was the cardiologist able to walk to work? A. Because he lived in the heart of the city!

Q. What is a triple bipass?
A. A play that works better than a quarterback sneak.

A doctor tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy says, "I want a second opinion." So, the doctor says, "You're ugly, too."

Q. How many cardiokigists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause they get straight to the heart of the matter.

Q. Why don't zombies play hockey?
A. They're cold-hearted, but they jost don't have the brains for it.

Q. Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
A. They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.

Q. Why did the vampire's lunch give him bloody heartburn?
A. It was a stake sandwich.

Killer Medical Laugh of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Man: My doctor told me to give up golf.
Friend: Why, did he examine your heart?
Man: No, he looked at my score card.

Pumped Up Pick-Up Line: Girl, I followed my heart, and it led me to the gym.

Q. What did a root veggie say to another on alentin's Day? A. You make my heart beet faster!

Cheesy Pick-Up Line: I must be Swiss? 'Cause without you, there's a hole in my heart!

Q. What did the drum say to another drum on Valentine's Day? A. My heart beats for you!

Q. What does an artichoke say when you eat salad?
A. Aw, have a heart!

Q. Why did the man from Oz eat artichokes?
A. He sought a heart.

Did you hear about the guy who quit eating veggies? His heart missed a beet.

Q. What do you call a young guy with the emotional character of a horse?
A. Colt-hearted.

Sucked Up Point to Ponder: If you have high blood sugar, does that mean you're a sweet heart?

Q. Why do golfers hate the game Hearts?
A. Because all they ever get are Clubs!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton like to play golf?
A. His heart just was not in it.

Vocal Chat Up Line: Hey handsome, are you a choir director? 'Cause you are really making my heart sing.

Musician Chat Up Line: Dude, do you play the drums? 'Cause my heart just skipped a beat. Rocking Pick-Up Line: Hey dude, are you a drummer? 'Cause I really want to play with your stick.

Q. What might you give a skeleton on Valentine's Day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart-shaped box.

Music Pick-Up Line: Hey there Toney, are you a guitar player? 'Cause you're strumming my heart strings.

Q. What did the painter say to his lover on Valentine's Day? A. I love you with all my art!

Q. What's the cheesiest locksmith pick-up line? A. You cheddar know you're the key to my heart!

Wine Lover's Word of the Day: I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. A coincidence? I think not.

Q. How do you apologize to a bruin?
A. Bear your heart and soul.

Q. How do you know if an Italian chef loves you?
A. He steals a pizza your heart.

Pick-Up a Musician Line: Hello baby, are you a violinist? 'Cause you are really playing my heart strings.

Police Chat Up Line: Officer, is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart taking off?

Pick Up a Nurse Line: Just listen to your heart, and be my date tonight.

Q. Why don't skeletons play on the Denver Broncos team?
A. They are big-boned enough, but they only have enough heart to play for the Denver Nuggets.

Bluegrass Come-On: Howdy, are ya'll a banjo player? 'Cause you're plucking at my heart strings.

Grizzly Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, if I bear my heart and soul, can I sneak a peek at your sweet honey pot?

Illegal Pick-Up Line at the Precinct: I'm a thief, so I'm here to steal your heart.

Medical Chat Up Line: Hey there, are you a cardiologist? 'Cause I want to surrender my heart to you.

Sick Chat Up Line: Hey girl, I'm not an organ donor, but I'd gladly give you my heart.

Tone-Deaf Come-On: Gnirl, is your name Christmas Carol? 'Cause you are making my heart sing.

Q. Why don't skeletons play baseball?
A. Because they don't have the heart for it.

Q. Why don't zombies play hockey?
A. They're cold-hearted, but they jost don't have the brains for it.

Heart Sick Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, my heart beats for you and that is why my ECG has a U wave.

EMT Chat Up Line: Sit back and relax 'cause I fix broken hearts.

Criminal Pick-Up Line: Let's commit the perfect crime. You steal my heart, and I'll steal yours.

You're still pumped up, so here's even more lively laughter, throbbing humor,
bloody funny jokes and heartless painful puns that surly can't be beat:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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