Q. What does a monster do if he loses his head?
A. He calls a head hunter.

Monstrous Groan of the Day: People say Frankenstein's monster had a bad temper, but actually he was rather level-headed.

Q. Why did the outlaw walk into the bar with a paper towel over his hair?
A. Because he had a Bounty on his head.

Q. What happened when the guy got hit in the head with a beer bottle?
A. It didn't break the skin, but it did leave a nasty brews.

A head walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have that's full-bodied?"

Q. Why did the blonde think her mouth replacement surgery went wrong?
A. 'Cause a voice in the back of her head kept teller her that.

Q. Why did Bigfoot run around Colorado with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. Some tourist called him a Big Grill-a!

Sick Understatement of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. Why do brain surgeons schedule surgery so early in the morning?
A. So that they can work ahead.

A brain walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already out of your head."

Q. Which shampoo do smart zombies use?
A. Head and Shoulders!

Undead Groan of the Day: The song, Zombie, by the Cranberries is in my head!

Q. What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A. A Meathead!

Q. What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
A. It knocked him out cold!

Q. Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blonde outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
A. 'Cause she's a bad catch.

Q. What do you call a head injury at a drummers convention in Moscow?
A. A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Q. What do you call a peculiar fraternal society where members routinely hit each other on the head?
A. Bop Culture.

Police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face. They arrived to a sticky hostage situation.

Q. Why do soccer players do so well in school?
A. Because they know how to use their heads!

Two guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh, she gets better with age?" "No," replies the first guy, "She gives me a headache."

Q. How do you describe a headset made of grenades?
A. Mind blowing.

Blonde Patient: What did the x-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Nothing.

Q. Why did the tech guy prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.

An elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered. Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I want it lowered."

Q. Why are there so few good casual shirt jokes?
A. 'Cause most of them go right over your head.

Q. What did the patient ask his doctor during the colonoscopy?
A. Could you please write me a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Q. Why do you forget about a tooth right after the dentist pulls it?
A. Duh! Because it goes right out of your head!

Q. What happened to the blonde who put her dentures in backwards?
A. She accidentally ate herself!

Q. Why did the dunce wear his underwear on his head?
A. 'Cause he was a real pee brain.

Patient: I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: I see. How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.

Q. What is an ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.

Q. Why did the bald guy put a rabbit on his head?
A. Because he wanted a head full of hare.

Goalie Fact of the Day: Soccer is 90% mental. The other half is physical. Yeah, the head took another hit today, and I'm not talking about weed.

If you can't sing with a mouth full of garbanzo beans, just hummus a tune!

Q. What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?
A. A head banger. OUCH!

Q. What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A. A double header!

Q. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
A. The one with the biggest head!

Q. What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?
A. A cloud.

Q. Why are violins smaller than violas?
A. Actually, they're the same size, but the violinist's head is bigger.

Q. Why did the telemarketer with emotional issues finally see a head doctor?
A. 'Cause she really had a lot of hang-ups!

Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...

Wildcat Hookup Line: Hey girl, you wanna play lion tamer? Okay, you get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.

Q. How is a stupid monster like a jack-o-lantern?
A. They both have empty heads.

Q. What do you call a dumb skeleton that does stupid video stunts?
A. Bonehead.

Q. What might you give a skeleton on their birthday?
A. Bone-bones in a skull-shaped box.

Q. Which angry guy absolutely will not go outside without his hat?
A. A hot head!

A vegetarian, meat eater, and cannibal go out to lunch. The veg orders a salad, and the meathead orders a burger. But, the cannibal told the waiter, "I think I'll just wait 'til they're done."

Q. How is a beer better than a woman?
A. A beer never gets a headache, although it may give you a headache in the morning.

Sh*tty Pick-Up Line: You're stuck in my head, like mental constipation.

Q. Where are most fish found?
A. Between the head and the tail.

Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit next to a clown. First cannibal whacks the clown on the head with a beer bottle, and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly, the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"

Q. How does a head doctor give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Q. Which kind of shampoo do cannibals like best?
A. Head and Shoulders.

Q. How can collectors tell if a Louis XIV doll is authebic?
A. When you play with it, the head falls off.

Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem? He was a quack-head.

Patient: Doc, I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins.
Shrink: I just can't make heads or tails of it.

Q. Which bruin hibernates while standing on its head?
A. Yoga Bear.

Rockin' Riot of the Day: I thought my wife was kidding when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing I'm a Believer by the Monkees. But then, I saw her face.

A guy at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him! He still has a headache...

Q. Which kind of dinosaur had a mohawk do on his head?
A. Mr. T-Rex.

Q. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
A. It had a pail face.

Q. What is scratch golf?
A. When you hit the ball and scratch your head wondering where it went.

Golfer: I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.
Caddie: Do you think you can hold your head down that long?

Q. What is the Marie Antoinette Barbie doll?
A. Her head is removable and she come with her very own guillotine.

Hotdog Skier Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you like backflips? 'Cause I'm going head over heels for you.

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