Q. What works best, after it's fired?
A. A Neuron!

Q. Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
A. It had trouble controlling its impulses.

Q. Why do brain surgeons schedule surgery so early in the morning?
A. So that they can work ahead.

Q. What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
A. Brainstorms.

Brain Surgeon Thought of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a real no-brainer.

Q. Why did the zombie go crazy?
A. He lost his mind!

Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Brain Surgeon Come-On: Hey babe, you know, if I synapse with you, we'll store some memories.

Q. What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
A. You get a binding relationship.

Q. What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
A. Carried it over the threshold.

Q. Do zombies eat brains with their fingers?
A. No, they eat fingers separately.

Patient: Doc, I've swallowed a spoon!
Shrink: Please sit down, and don't stir.

Q. What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
A. Let's Connect!

Q. Why should you keep matches away from a neuron?
A. You might cause it to fire an action potential.

Q. Why did the psychiatrist stop treating extraterrestrials?
A. Because he couldn't find the patients.

Q. Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of the orchestra?
A. It has dorsal and ventral horns.

Q. How did the intuitive doctor know what was wrong with his patient?
A. He used his sick sense.

Did you hear about the telemarketer with emotional issues? Yeah, she really had a lot of hang-ups!

Q. What did the axon terminal say to tthe receptor when they broke up?
A. I need my space.

Patient: Doc, I'm having nightmares about a massive void.
Shrink: Don't worry. It's nothing.

Then, I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places...

Happy Freud Day Friday!

Did you hear about the shrink who spent a long weekend at a winter psychologist convention in Aspen? On Monday morning, he reported that he'd never seen so many Freudian slips.

Q. Which sauce does a gourmet zombie prefer on his brains?
A. Grave-y.

Q. What happens if you bother the parietal lobe?
A. It gets very touchy.

Q. Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's head?
A. 'Cause his jokes were real no-brainers.

Q. How do zombies study for tests?
A. They eat a lot of brain food.

Q. What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
A. You're a real pain!

Q. What did the zombie say to his date?
A. I love a woman with brains!

Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me. I think I'm a kleptomaniac.
Head Shrinker: Don't worry. There's something you can take for that!

Q. Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
A. To have a high resting point.

Q. What is the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
A. At a mental hospital, you have to show improvement to get out!

Q. Which former patient wrote the book, Mental Health Changed My Thinking?
A. Lew Knee Binn.

Q. Which cranial nerve would be right at home in Nevada?
A. The Vagus Nerve!

Shrink: How do you see yourself?
Dracula: I don't.

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Brainy First Grader: Don't bite any!

Q. What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!

Wrap your brain around this: A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send the bill to her husband!

Q. When should you take a cookie to a psychiatrist?
A. When it feels crummy.

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