Q. Which type of cell phone do most optometrists, ophthalmologist, and opticians prefer?
A. The eyePhone.

Q. What did the detective say when the stolen contact lenses were recovered?
A. Looks like we closed the lid on this case.

Q. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists?
A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Blonde: Doctor, is it true that if I eat a lot of carrots, I won't need glasses?
Eye Doctor: Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Blinding Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his glasses at the bar? The rest of the evening was a total blur.

He still wishes he could give her a cornea-copia of eye puns. (This might explain the divorce?)

Q. What did the near-sighted chihuahua say when he finally got the joke?
A. Eye Carumba!

Q. Where do spiders order their contact lenses?
A. At a website.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost control of his puplls?

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Q. Why did the optician want to go to the beach?
A. He heard there was a lot of eye candy there.

Q. What does every hipster cat know?
A. Four eyes are better than two.

Q. Why were the eyelid and the eyebrow constantly fighting?
A. Because they just couldn't see eye to eye.

See, opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!

Q. How many eye doctors does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Hmm... One, or Two?

Q. Why did the seer visit his eye doctor?
A. Because he needed his vision checked.

Q. Why did the optician quit his job?
A. He just got tired of the daily grind.

After retirement, the eye doctor plans to focus a lot of time at the Mu-see-um of Science and Industry.

Q. How does an eyeball congratulate you?
A. It gives you an eye five.

Q. Why did Satan come after the optometrist?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Q. What does a pirate wearing a monocle use to navigate the seven seas?
A. An Eye Chart.

Q. What does pasteurize mean to a cow?
A. Too far to see.

Blurred Pick Up Line: Stop undressing me with your eyes! Use your teeth instead!

Q. What does a patch-wearing pirate fear most while navigating polar seas?
A. Eyes Bergs!

Nostalgic Insight: My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was six. Everything before that is a mere blur.

Q. How do you punish a naughty pupil?
A. Make it go sit in the cornea.

You retina try to one-up these eye doctor jokes lens you lose focus of iris humor.

Q. What did the old feline say?
A. You are a little blurry. I have a cataract.

Blurry Point to Ponder: Don't you just hate it when you try to clean your glasses and they end up even more smudged than before?

Q. Is it true that eyeballs can hear?
A. Yes, but only at eye frequencies.

Q. What did Sherlock Holmes say to his eye doctor?
A. Eye guess you've closed the lid on this one.

A lady walked into an optician's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her to the shrink's office next door.

Q. What do you call an eyeball that gets a pilot's license?
A. Sky Eye.

Eye Caramba! Didn't see that one coming!

Today's Vision Factoid: Whoever said carrots give you good vision was wrong. A carrot poked me in the eye, and I couldn't see for a week!

Q. What is a blue eyeball's favorite song?
A. You Are Eye Sunshine!

Farsighted Pick Up Line: I've counted all the stars in the sky, but I missed the brightest two – they are in your eyes.

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