Optometrists live long because they dilate.   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Did you hear about the opticican? Two glasses, and he made a spectacle of himself.
Eye Joke: It is clear to see that these eye puns are full of Aqueous Humor!
A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling jokes. Bone doc's jokes were humerus, but the eye doc's jokes were cornea!
Q. What did one eye say to the other eye? A. Just between us, something smells!

 


Eye Doctor Puns, Eye Jokes, Insightful Laughs
Envision eyeball jokes, optician humor, and cross-eyed puns that just keep getting cornea!

Optometrist Jokes, Eyeball Humor, Vision Puns
(Because Insightful Jokes and Eye-Ronic Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You've Lost Sight of the Humor!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! It's clear to see eye jokes, optically illusional humor, and unfocused puns ahead.
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Q. Why did the cell phone have to wear glasses? A. Because it lost all its contacts!Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A. Shine a light in her ear!Q. Why did the optometrist couple get divorced? A. They just couldn't see eye to eye!

Q. Which type of cell phone do most optometrists, ophthalmologist, and opticians prefer?
A. The eyePhone.

Q. What did the detective say when the stolen contact lenses were recovered?
A. Looks like we closed the lid on this case.

Q. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists?
A. Because eye doctors dilate!

Blonde: Doctor, is it true that if I eat a lot of carrots, I won't need glasses?
Eye Doctor: Well, have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Blinding Bleach Blonde Fact of the Day: Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his glasses at the bar? The rest of the evening was a total blur.

He still wishes he could give her a cornea-copia of eye puns. (This might explain the divorce?)

Q. What did the near-sighted chihuahua say when he finally got the joke?
A. Eye Carumba!

Q. Where do spiders order their contact lenses?
A. At a website.

Q. What did one eye say to the other? A. Between you and me, something smells!Q. What does your optician sy if you do't laugh at his pun? A. Lens not lose sight of the humor!We can see that these eye puns are bad, so iris my case!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost control of his puplls?

Q. Why did the near-sighted woman marry her optometrist?
A. It was an eye-deal relationship!

Q. Why did the optician want to go to the beach?
A. He heard there was a lot of eye candy there.

Q. What does every hipster cat know?
A. Four eyes are better than two.

Q. Why were the eyelid and the eyebrow constantly fighting?
A. Because they just couldn't see eye to eye.

See, opticians are not just in it because they have specs appeal!

Q. How many eye doctors does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Hmm... One, or Two?

Q. Why did the seer visit his eye doctor?
A. Because he needed his vision checked.

Q. Why did the optician quit his job?
A. He just got tired of the daily grind.

Q. What did the eye doctor say when he retired? A. And now, eye must take my leave!Q. What did the optometrist say to the guy with three eyes? A. Aye, Aye, Aye!Eye Doctor: "Read the bottom line." Patient: "Copyright 1999, Made in Japan!"

After retirement, the eye doctor plans to focus a lot of time at the Mu-see-um of Science and Industry.

Q. How does an eyeball congratulate you?
A. It gives you an eye five.

Q. Why did Satan come after the optometrist?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Q. What does a pirate wearing a monocle use to navigate the seven seas?
A. An Eye Chart.

Q. What does pasteurize mean to a cow?
A. Too far to see.

Blurred Pick Up Line: Stop undressing me with your eyes! Use your teeth instead!

Q. What does a patch-wearing pirate fear most while navigating polar seas?
A. Eyes Bergs!

Nostalgic Insight: My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was six. Everything before that is a mere blur.

Q. How do you punish a naughty pupil?
A. Make it go sit in the cornea.

Q. What might happen if your retina cries? A. You get retinal tears!Do you ever want to just take off your glasses because you're tired of seeing things?Eye Humor: Eye'm Baaaaaaacccckkk!

You retina try to one-up these eye doctor jokes lens you lose focus of iris humor.

Q. What did the old feline say?
A. You are a little blurry. I have a cataract.

Blurry Point to Ponder: Don't you just hate it when you try to clean your glasses and they end up even more smudged than before?

Q. Is it true that eyeballs can hear?
A. Yes, but only at eye frequencies.

Q. What did Sherlock Holmes say to his eye doctor?
A. Eye guess you've closed the lid on this one.

A lady walked into an optician's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The receptionist directed her to the shrink's office next door.

Q. What do you call an eyeball that gets a pilot's license?
A. Sky Eye.

Eye Caramba! Didn't see that one coming!

Today's Vision Factoid: Whoever said carrots give you good vision was wrong. A carrot poked me in the eye, and I couldn't see for a week!

Q. What is a blue eyeball's favorite song?
A. You Are Eye Sunshine!

Farsighted Pick Up Line: I've counted all the stars in the sky, but I missed the brightest two – they are in your eyes.

| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Jokes and Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |


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