What do you call a deer that can't quit drinking?
A. An elk-o-holic.
Point to Ponder: Could reality be an illusion that occurs
due to lack of alcohol?
Fact of the Day: You might be an alcoholic if you already
knew that National Martini Day is June 19.
Drunkard Tip of the Day: You can't drink all day long if
you don't start in the morning.
What is a drunken party monster's Halloween slogan?
A. Eat, drink, and be scary!
The over sumconption of alcohol may cause you to
slay things like thish.
Why do drunken winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!
What do you call a loon that's a drug addict?
A. A quack head.
Why was the alcoholic janitor late to work?
A. He over swept.
Why did the accountant end up at the rehab center?
A. Due to solvency abuse.
What do police call a perp who robs the local drug store?
A. A pillager.
What do you call somebody who stops taking useless prescription
A. A medicine dropper.
How do you describe the shady pharmaceutical executive's
A. Ill-gotten gains.
Why was the guy fired from the pharmacy?
A. Because drug-free workplace and free drug
workplace are not the same thing.
What do you call the security guard at the hospital pharmacy?
A. The Fentanyl Sentinel.
Why is it so hard for computer programmers to get a prescription
for pain killers?
A. Because they have a history of codeine.
Which subject do speed cookers exel at in school?
A. Methamatics, not spelling or typing.
What does the rehab center call a knife that does heroine?
A. A sharp shooter.
Why did the old drug addict die?
A. He just got wasted away.
How do scientists know whales like cocaine?
A. They'v got a big blow hole.
How can you tell if an Amish person is an alcoholic?
A. They literally fall off the wagon.
alcohoic SEO expert walks into a bar and asks the bartender
for a quick shot of whiskey, bourbon, Jack Daniels,
Jim Beam, Seagrams 7, Jameson... Yeah, he walked out
drunk, blitzed, blasted, tipsy, intoxicated, inebriated,
Warning: The over consumption of alcoholic beverages
may cause you to appreciate Painful bar Puns, or
possibly write even more of them.
What did the bartender say to the drunk patron who was guzzling
his vodka way too fast?
A. Stop, Russian!
Het ovre sumpcontion of ahcolol may cause pryctic text
What do you call drink after drink?
A. A twofer.
What is a duck's drug of choice?
What do drug addicts call it when a cocaine lab suddnly
A. A devasting blow.
Where did the cooker go after the explosion in his meth