Q. What did techie pirates store their data on during the '90s?
A. CD Rums.

Q. What is the name of the new Apple device created expressly for sea pirates?
A. iAye Captain.

Q. What's the name of the new Apple device created for one-eyed pirates?
A. iCaptain.

Q. What's the name of the new Apple night vision device created expressly for the Navy?
A. iEye Captain.

Q. What did the tech guy call his last teched-out girlfriend?
A. His iPhone Ex.

Q. What do they call the high tech device used to measure how gullible a person is?
A. GulliBULLometer.

Q. Why didn't Apple release the new version of iPad designed for children?
A. Because iTouchKids might not be such a good idea, afterall.

Q. Why don't Bluetooth devices swim?
A. Because they're designed to sync!

Q. How are blind dates like bluetooth devices?
A. They're supposed to pair up and connect, but it seldom happens.

Q. Which tech device does Super Mario use to communicate with the dead?
A. Lou-ouija board.

High Tech Point to Ponder: If we have desktops and laptops, why don't we call cell phones handtops?

Q. What happened after the seismologist's high tech device was stolen?
A. The results were earth-shattering!

Q. Why won't technology ever replace paper?
A. 'Cause you can't wipe your butt with an iPad.

Wired Tech Pick-Up Line: Is your name WiFi? 'Cause I'm feeling a connection.

Q. What did the AI cyborg say to the dead robot?
A. Rust in peace.

Today's Powerful Tech Point to Ponder: Don't you just hate it when you have a smart device with a dumb battery?

Q. What does Yoda do when his iTunes won't respond?
A. Force Quit Siri, he does.

Q. What did the abacus say to the calculator?
A. You can count on me.

Q. What do hookers call a tech device that predicts a guy's penis length?
A. A cock-ulator.

Q. What is the new tech device that calculates the calories used during sex called?
A. ClitBit.

Q. What does the term E-sharp mean to a smart gadget fanatic?
A. Tech savvy.

Tech Factoid: Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Q. What do you call the guy who works for the parks department whose job is to shoot down unauthorized flying objects?
A. The Drone Ranger!

Q. What is every Star Wars fan's favorite classic video game?
A. Space inVaders.

Tech Tidbit of the Day: Google isn't as smart as we think. When asked what IDK means, the result was: "I don't know."

Q. What did the battery say when asked how he did so well in the tech industry?
A. I've got contacts, you know.

Q. Where does a digital photographer hang his picutres?
A. On a JPEG.

Today's Dumb Tech Fact: Millennials make fun of their parents and grandparents for not being tech savvy, yet they have to Google: how to boil eggs.

Q. Which tech device does God use to communicate with Millennials?
A. A tablet, but not an Apple!

Q. What do you do if you lose a Nintendo game?
A. You ask for a Wii-match.

Q. Why did both Apple iPhone 8 and Microsoft Windows 8 go straight to X/10?
A. We figure it's 'cause 7 ate 9!

Micro Technology Tidbit of the Day: Tech that allows you to see through walls already exists. It's called Windows.

Q. Why was Popeye such a great digital photographer?
A. 'Cause he was DSLR Man.

Q. Why are all the personal assistants on cell phones and smart devices female?
A. Because that's the only job they can get in the tech industry!

High Tech Fact of the Day: A recent study showed iPhones are the most popular hand-held device. For the first time, the penis has slipped into the Number 2 slot.

Q. What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the high tech gadget he's working with?
A. He enters Nerdvana!

High Tech Point to Ponder: Are scissors still considered cutting edge technology?

Today's High Tech Point to Ponder: If you get an email from Google Earth saying, "We read maps backward," is that just spam?

Q. What is the '90s band, Fat Technology Geeks, known as in the 21st Century?
A. They updated their name to Broadband.

Q. Why do some tech nerds wish dicks were like technology?
A. So they could brag about how small their's is.

Ironic Tech Fact of the Day: Cell phones keep getting thinner and smarter. Humans, the opposite.

Q. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
A. To get to the other slide!

Q. Where do optometrists send data off their electronic devices?
A. To the Eye Cloud.

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology sales person?
A. The car salesman knows he's lying!

Q. What do you call an online marketing pro who makes business connections using social media?
A. A networker.

Q. Why did the burned out tech geek tell his shrink that he feels like a flashlight with a dead battery?
A. He claimed his inner light died a long time ago.

Q. Why was the video gamer's house haunted by Nintendo characters?
A. Because he fooled around with a Luigi board.

Q. What do you call it if you knocked off two pigeons with an unmanned flying device?
A. Killing two birds with one drone!

Q. Who is the Guardian of the Galaxy?
A. The night watchman at the Samsung store.

Q. Which video game is every poet's favorite?
A. Sonnet the Hedgehog.

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Q. How did our grandparents occupy their time before cell phones, the Internet, and high tech toys?
A. I've asked my mom, her three brothers and two sisters, but don't have a definitive answer.

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