Q. What's the difference between a battery and a politician?
A. The battery has a positive side.

Q. What happens if the Engergizer bunny puts his batteries in backward?
A. He keeps coming and coming...

The battery comedian said: "Anode you'd like these powerful Painful Puns!"

Q. What did the juiced-out battery say to the cop waiting outside the bar?
A. Feel free to charge me.

Q. Why did the judge stop the business merger between Moron's and Duracell?
A. 'Cause he could not allow a salt and battery in his courtroom.

Q. Why did the blonde sleep with a battery under her pillow?
A. She wanted to take a power nap.

Q. How do you describe the downtime while your batteries are recharging?
A. Re-volting!

Battery: Doc, am I being billed twice because I'm bipolar?
Shrink: No, sir. Right there it says you are rechargeable.

Powerful Point to Ponder: Why don't we find recharging batteries revolting?

Q. Why did the battery salesman quit his job?
A. He no longer got a charge out of it.

Q. Why shouldn't you be sad if your flashlight battery dies?
A. Because you're de-lighted!

Battery-Powered Point to Ponder: When your battery runs out, is that because it's had it with you?

Q. What did the battery say when asked how he did so well in the tech industry?
A. I've got contacts, you know.

Q. Why is the life of a battery so brutal?
A. 'Cause either you're working, or you're dead...

Q. Why did the guy quit his job in the battery factory?
A. It was not a powerful enough position.

Q. Why did the blonde call AAA when her laptop battery died?
A. Well, duh!

Q. What happened at today's AA meeting?
A. The new guy said, "Hi my name is EverEd, and I'm a battery."

Q. What does the Batmobile run on in the 21st Century?
A. Batteries.

Patient: Doc, I get really angry when my phone battery dies. What can I do?
Shrink: I suggest you find an outlet.

Q. How much should dead batteries cost?
A. Nothing, 'cause they're free of charge!

Q. What did the battery say on his dating profile?
A. I'm very energetic and positive, but I also have a negative side.

Q. How can you tell if your battery is going to be good today?
A. It says, "I'm feeling positive."

Energizing Point to Ponder: If you sleep on your battery charger, is that considered a power nap?

Q. How do you pick out a dead battery in a pile of good ones?
A. It's the one with no spark.

Q. How are a bull and a battery alike?
A. Both charge!

Q. What did the depleted battery say to the judge?
A. Just go ahead and charge me!

Q. Which circus act does powerful Batman enjoy most?
A. The Acro-bat-teries!

Q. Why did the cheating husband add his secret lover to his phone contacts as "LOW BATTERY?"
A. If she calls, his wife just plugs the phone into its charger.

Robin: Holy Batman! The BatRemote to the BatTV isn't working.
Batman: Did you check the Batteries?
Robin: What are teries?

Q. What is a group of cave-dwelling mammals that can power things called?
A. A bat-array.

Q. Why does an unused battery feel so sad?
A. It's never included in anything!

Q. Why did the burned out guy tell his shrink that he feels like a flashlight with a burned out battery?
A. He claimed his inner light died a long time ago.

Did you hear about the guy whose watch batteries died? He wound up at a clock shop!

Have you seen the new Dr. Barbie doll? It operates on batteries!

Power Point to Ponder: Is yawning the human equivalent to "low battery?"

Q. What does Dracula's torch run on?
A. Bat-teries.

Q. How did the guy feel after the dentist gave him a battery-powered toothbrush?
A. Electrified.

When the power goes out and you can't recharge everything, just remember your cat does not require batteries.

Q. What did the battery say after being recharged at his AA meeting?
A. I am feeling positive!

Q. What happened to the hood who beat me up with my phone charger?
A. He was charged with assault with a battery.

Q. How do you know an old battery still has some hot life left in it?
A. It teases you to test it to get you to lick it.

Q. Why didn't the troubled guy bother to go see his shrink when his flashlight batteries died?
A. Because he was feeling delighted.

Point to Ponder: Why is it that flashlights are such a convenient place
to store dead batteries?

Did you hear about the bull caught in an electric fence? Yeah, it was charging.

Q. What happened to the thug who beat up some guy with his dead cell phone?
A. He was charged with battery.

Today's Powerful Tech Point to Ponder: Don't you just hate it when you have a smart device with a dumb battery?

Q. How did the blonde know her relationship was over?
A. Her battery ran out on her.

Q. What's the difference between a phone battery and a robo call?
A. The battery has a positive side.

Q. How did the potato chip proposition the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q. Why didn't the battery finish the marathon?
A. It RAN out of power.

It's very sad when your phone battery lasts longer than your relationship does.

I just gave all my dead batteries away – free of charge.

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