Q. What do you call a famous inmate?
A. A Cell-ibrity.

Q. Which hired killer never gets a prison sentence?
A. An exterminator!

Q. Why do pencils get sent to the pen?
A. To do long sentences.

Q. Which kind of stars end up in jail?
A. Shooting stars.

Q. What is an inmate's least favorite food?
A. Celery.

Q. What do you call a message sent by an incarcerated criminal?
A. Context.

Q. What do you call a cell phone message from a prison inmate who just escaped?
A. Out of Context.

Q. What do you call it when a prisoner drinks vodka out of a coffee cup?
A. A mug shot!

Q. Why would a guy in jail want to catch the Measles?
A. So he could cause a break out.

Q. Why did the basketball player go to jail?
A. Because he shot the ball!

Q. Why did the bodybuilder get stopped by the police?
A. The cops said it was illegal to carry those guns in public.

Q. Why did the thief kill himself after being arrested for stealing musical instruments from the orchestra?
A. He didn't have a safe Haydn place and couldn't Handel the prospect of being sent Bach to prison!

Q. What is a prison warden's favorite type of battery?
A. Duracell!

Q. Who wrote the book, Supermax Prison Security?
A. Barb D. Wyre.

Q. Why was the parrot in prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. Which US president never deserved to go to jail?
A. Lincoln, because he's in a cent.

Q. What is a convict's favorite fishing lure?
A. Jail bait.

Q. What happened to the guy who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
A. He went to jail for Oolong time.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. How is a sinking ship like a person in jail?
A. Both need to be bailed out!

Q. How is Facebook like jail?
A. You have a profile picture, you sit around writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't know.

Q. What do you call consecutive jail terms?
A. Run on sentences.

Q. What happened to the pair of crooks who were convicted of stealing a calendar?
A. They each got six months!

Q. Why was the guitar player arrested?
A. For fingering A Minor.

Q. Why was the guy sentenced to life in prison for a little insider trading?
A. The judge called it organ harvesting. OUCH!

Q. What happened to the robber who stole the street lamp?
A. He got a light sentence.

Q. Why did the Denver cops arrest the craft brewer?
A. He was accused of a-malt and beer-tery.

Q. What's a prisoner's favorite place to hang out?
A. At the bars.

Q. What happened after a suspect was apprehended, but later released?
A. The arrest is history.

Q. How did the inmate get PTSD?
A. Cell Shock.

Q. What do you call a chemist-turned-clown who's now in jail?
A. A Silicon.

Criminal Confession: After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for ten years. But now that I'm out of jail, I'd say it was worth it.

Q. Why didn't the burglar break into the library?
A. He was afraid if he got caught, he'd get a really long sentence.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla and an inmate?
A. A Kong-vict.

Q. Why did the chicken criminal released from jail on her personal recognizance?
A. 'Cause she wasn't a flight risk.

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months. Looks like his days are numbered.

Q. What happened to the guy who was busted for smuggling reed instruments?
A. He was charged with sax trafficking.

Q. Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail?
A. Silly Con Valley.

Q. What do you call it when a criminal is being fed awful sheep meat while in jail?
A. Mutton for punishment.

Q. Why do pens get sent to prison?
A. To do long sentences.

Q. Which new book is about overly passionate poets who ended up in jail?
A. Prose and Cons.

Q. Why did the dishonest bee banker go to prison?
A. Embuzzlement!

Q. Where do the cops put vampires before booking them?
A. In red holding cells.

Q. Why was ink sent back to prison?
A. For escaping from the pen.

Q. Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence?
A. A convict in prison.

Q. Which criminal wrote the book, Life In Prison Is a Sentence, while learning to read?
A. Kyle Ian Slaughter.

Q. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?
A. A cellfie.

Q. How do prison inmates contact friends and family on the outside?
A. They use cell phones.

Grandpa got his first cell phone and it was an iPhone. The first time he used it, he called his son saying in a panic, "I'm going to jail! It says I'm going to Face Time!"

Q. Why do inmates hate clock towers?
A. Because it's hard time.

Q. Why was the star basketball player sentenced to prison?
A. Because he shot the ball.

Q. Which kind of parties do jailbirds like best?
A. Going away parties.

Q. What do you call two animated characters drawn in the same frame?
A. Cel mates.

Q. What did the cop say to the flight risk suspect?
A. If you run, you'll just go to jail tired.

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