Life is like a sewer: You get out of it what you put into it. And, sometimes it stinks...

Q. How did the sewer worker describe the salary he made at the waste treatment plant?
A. Gross profit.

Q. Why did the sewage worker wear glasses?
A. Because he couldn't see shit without them!

Q. What do proctologists and sewer workers have in common?
A. Both have seen a lot of shit on the job.

Q. Why sholdn't you listen to what your sewer is telling you?
A. Because sewers are full of crap!

Q. What did the sewer worker say when his flashlight went out?
A. I can't see shit!

Q. How do you describe a jocular sewage joker?
A. Pun Gent!

Q. Why are so many Roto-Rooter guys depressed?
A. Because their work is so draining.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
– Mel Brooks

Q. Why is it a dumb idea to get into a legal dispute with your local sanitation department?
A. Because they have so many sewers.

Q. Why was the sewer guy depressed?
A. Because he was really going through some shit.

Q. How did the crappy plumber die?
A. He committed sewer-cide.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job at the sewage treatment plant?
A. Because he saw so much serious shit go down there.

OMG! Did you hear about the protest staged by the sewer dwellers? They were revolting!

Q. Why shouldn't you ever get into a fight with a sewer worker?
A. Because they always bring up old shit.

Q. Why does a plumber insist on personally using every new toilet he installs?
A. Because he wants to boldly go where no one has gone before.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job emptying septic tanks?
A. It was a waste of his time.

Q. What did the guy say after he accidentally fell into an open sewer?
A. What a load of crap!

If pizzas were manhole covers, the sewer would be paradise. – Ed Norton

Q. How is sex like pizza?
A. Turtles are enjoying it in the sewer. EW!

Q. Why do sewers have locks on them?
A. So people won't steal your shit!

Q. What did the plumber say about the clog?
A. It's not worth a plug nickel.

Q. What did the blonde say to the noisy plumbers who were fixing her sink while she was trying to take a nap?
A. Pipe down!

Q. What do Californians call sewage in Beverly Hills?
A. Affluent effluent.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a seamstress?
A. Just ask them to pronounce the word, sewer!

There's one more hard hitting sewage joke, but we're going to leave it out because the punch line really stinks.

Q. Why do plumbers appreciate Daleks?
A. Because Daleks of the Who-niverse know how optimally to use a sink plunger.

Q. What happened after the plumber made all the connections to the boiler?
A. The the radiators were piping hot.

Q. Why are sewer covers called manholes?
A. Because if they were called ladyholes, too many guys would be trying to get in.

Q. How do sewer workers remove a manhole cover?
A. They use a tool called a doo-key!

Q. What do you call reports of alligators from sewers surfacing in people's toilets?
A. A croc of shit.

Sewer Worker's Mantra: Your crap is my family's bread and butter.

Q. Why are environmentalists such bad poker players?
A. 'Cause they like to avoid the flush.

Q. What did the sewer worker say to his newest apprentice?
A. Dude, urine for a real surprise.

Q. What do you call a drainage line that questions everything?
A. A sceptic-al sewer.

Q. What do you call it if a terrorist blows up a drainage system?
A. A sewer-side bombing!

Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
A. To do his duty.

Q. What is it called when a janitor doesn't clean up the clogged toilet?
A. Dereliction of doodie.

Q. How do you know it's time to go to the bathroom?
A. It must be poo-thirty.

Q. What do you call a gang of people who hang out underneath manhole covers?
A. The Sewer-Side Squad.

Q. Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!

Plumbing Point to Ponder: Is a plumber the only pro who can take a leak and fix it?

Q. Why did the janitors clean the restrooms at the comedy club on his day off?
A. For shits and grins.

You can take the man out of the sewer, but you can't take the sewer out of the man. – Trixie Norton

Q. What would you find in Superman's bathroom?
A. The Super Bowl!

Q. How do we know God is not an engineer?
A. Because when designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through the middle of a recreational area.

Q. Why is the new plumber so easy to get along with?
A. 'Cause he always goes along with the flow.

Bathroom Odor Fact of the DaY: Old plumbers never die. They just smell that way.

Q. Why will the plumber always remember his years at the sewage treatment plant?
A. Because man, he's really seen some shit go down there!

Q. Why did the guy quit his job in the sewer?
A. 'Cause the pay really stunk.

Q. How did the medieval townsfolk react when the king and his jester had an unfortunate sewage accident?
A. The town cast down frowns when their crown and his clown drowned in the brown. Phew!

Q. What do you call a drainage system snob?
A. A conno-sewer.

Q. Which vegetables are a plumber's faves?
A. Leeks.

There once was a man named McBride, who fell in the sewer and died. The same day his brother, fell in another and they were interred side by side.

Q. How did the old plumber pass away?
A. He just went down the drain.

If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, would you smell it before you heard it?

Q. Why did the bisexual quit his job at the sewer company?
A. Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.

Q. Why did the plumber quit his job with Roto-Rooter?
A. Because the work was just too draining.

Q. Where do football players go before the big game?
A. The Toilet Bowl.

The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer. – John Madden

Did you hear about the sewer backup at the boxing gym? No? That's okay 'cause the punch line was really crappy.

Q. What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?
A. Both slowly remove clogs.

Q. How does a plumber access the Internet?
A. He taps in his password.

Q. Why would a bitchy girlfriend make a great plumber?
A. Because she keeps bringing up shit from weeks ago...

Q. Which Jurassic critter was in charge of animal poop disposal?
A. The dino-sewer.

Sewage Point to Ponder: Why is it called Raw Sewage? Does anybody ever actually cook that shit?

Q. What is a redneck plumber's favorite dipping sauce?
A. Wranch.

Q. How do you make clean water out of raw sewage?
A. Filter it, filter it again, and then boil the crap out of it!

Q. What happened to the guy who had an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts?
A. After years of therapy, he finally got it out of his cistern.

Q. Why is a sewer considered such a happening place?
A. Because it's where so much shit goes down!

Q. How are war veterans and plumbers alike?
A. You wouldn't believe the shit they've seen.

Colorado Plumbing Woe: The plumber found a blunt in my drain today. No wonder my water bills are so high!

Plumber Fact of the Day: Plumbing is the only profession where your boss will say, "Be sure your joints have lots of dope in them."

Q. What do you say to a sewer guy who claims he saw an alligator down there?
A. What a croc of shit!

Raw Sewage Point to Ponder: When bruins poop in the woods, is the smell unbearable?

Q. What is a Colorado plumber's favorite holiday?
A. Sink-o de Mayo.

Q. What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?
A. A skeptic tank.

Old plumbers never die, but they do go down the drain.

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