Q. How  many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'll have an estimate for you a week from Friday!   PainfulPuns.com - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

PainfulPuns Home
Animal Puns, Wildlife Humor
Bartender Puns, Bar Humor
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes!
Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor
Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns
Edible Puns, Fun with Food
Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes
Garden Puns, Green Groaners
Gnome Puns Intended
Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns
Monstrously Funny Puns
Work Humor, Joking on the Job
Old Jokes & Old Never Die Puns
Painful Puns, Punny Funs
Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves
Sharp Pick-Up Lines, Cheesy Come-Ons
Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
Sick Puns, Healthy Laughs
Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns
Tech Jokes, PC Puns & Net Ouch!

And while you're here,
please take a moment to
visit our sponsors:

Hulking Funny: What do you get if you pour cement on a burglar? A Hardened Criminal
Sh*tty Pun: I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.
Did you hear about the safety-conscious coal company? They agreeed to make some miner changes!
Q. How many auto mechanics does it tke to change a light bulb? A. Six. One to force it with a hammer and fie to go out for more bulbs!

Q. What does a barefoot man get if he steps on an electric wire? A. A pair of shocks!
Hulk Says: Yuck, I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!


Contractor Jokes, Home Repair Humor, Vise Puns
Hammer home finely constructed jokes, hand-crafted carpentry humor, and roof puns.

Construction Job Jokes and Carpenter Humor
(Because Shoddy Contractor Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You Can't Nail the Punch Line!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Handyman humor, electrifying electrician jokes, and drippy plumber puns ahead.
| Home Contractor Jokes | Home Sweet Home Humor | Electrician Jokes | Plumber Puns |
| Landlord Jokes | Locksmith Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Keyed Up Pick-Up Lines | Mechanic Jokes |
| Lawn Mowing Jokes | Garden Puns | Backyard BBQ Jokes | Furniture Jokes | Family Funs |

Q. Why did the carpenter have his hammer so long? A. It was tough as nails!Q. What did the drywall guy say to the wall? A. One more crack like that, and I'll plaster ya!Q. What do you call off-color jokes in a wood-finishing workshop? A. Lacquer-room humor!

Q. Why was the carpenter such a great volleyball player?
A He really knew how to hammer spikes!

Have you heard the latest construction joke? Sorry, it's not done yet...

Contractor Words of Wisdom: If at first you don't succeed, get a bigger hammer.

Q. How do construction workers party?
A. They raise the roof!

Q. Which nails do carpenters hate hitting?
A. Fingernails!

Q. Why did the foreman say to the carpenter who was shirking his work?
A. Quit plane around!

Old wall paper hangers never die, but they do get pasted.

Contractor Fact of the Day: Old sandpaper never dies. It just loses its grit.

Q. How did the carpenter cut wood in half, just by looking at it?
A. He just saw it with his own eyes!

Q. Why do roofers get in trouble with the cops?
A. Because they always get high and start flashing.

Q. Which squad in Florida clamps down on carpentry infractions?
A. Miami Vise.

Q. Which home contracotr wrote the book, Prefab Construction for Dummies?
A. Bill D. Blox.

Q. Why was the lonely carpenter sad on Saturday night?
A. He didn't get lathed.

Q. Who authored, Tighten Those Drill Bits?
A. Chuck Key.

Old dry wall guys never die, but they do get plastered.

Funny Contractor Slogan: It looks like we've nailed it.

Woodworking Words of Wisdom: If you polish your own wood, you'll never catch a veneer-eal disease.

Q. What is the new gardening diet?
A. You hit a garden building with a hammer to shed a few pounds.

Q. Which tool did prehistoric contractors prefer?
A The Dino-Saw!

Q. Who wrote the handy handbook, How to Fix Up Your House?
A. Han D. Mann.

Contractor Laugh of the Day: Plumbing contractors have a multi-fauceted personality.

Q. Do old dry wall guys ever die?
A. Nope, they continue to hang around.

If you apply waterproof coating to a squeaky deck, are you giving it the sealant treatment?Q. Who do pirates call if they break a leg? A. Their Carrrpenter!Did you hear about the guy who stole a can of wood filler? A. He was arrested for putty theft!

Q. How did the auto mechanic get his tools from place to place?
A. He used a lug wrench.

Q. What happened after the furnace and HVAC guy died?
A. The business was now just heir conditioning.

Q. Why did the worker quit his job as a drill operator?
A. Because it was boring.

Q. Why did the generic duct tape salesman quit his job?
A. He just couldn't stick with it.

Construction Pick-Up Line: Girl, are you a cantilever? 'Cause you leave me hanging for more.

Q. How did the trial about the faulty windows go?
A. It was an open and shut case.

Q. Which contractor wrote the handy DIY book, Fixing Up the House?
A. Wren O. Vader.

Q. What is the name of the new dating site full of hot dudes?
A. Stud Finder.

Q. Why did the carpenter quit his job after ten years?
A. 'Cause he was board.

Q. What did the carpenter say when asked if his sandpaper was rough enough?
A. Of coarse it is!

Q. Which new carpentry dating site is popular among studs?
A. Board Meetings.

Q. Why wasn't the carpenter able to fix the creaking stairs?
A. He just couldn't nail down the problem.

Q. When is a carpenter with a 2x4 like a poem?
A. When he’s a sawin’ it.

Q. Why is it so hard to find stuff at the home improvement store?
A. Because they're always under construction.

Q. Why did the dogs learn how to use tools?
A. So they could work on their pet project.

Q. Why did the electrical system in the prison keep malfunctioning?
A. The warden didn't hire an electrician; he let a conduit.

Q. Why shouldn't you argue with your driveway contractor?
A. You might get bogged down in cementics.

Q. What did the glue factory workers do when they started a union?
A. They stuck together.

Q. How many contractors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in, and two to hold the ladder.

Q. Who wrote the book, How to DYI Build Your New House?
A. Bill Dean Blocks.

Q. Which Free Mason wrote the book, Home Building The Old Fashioned Way?
A. Carrie Ing Stone.

Q. How do electricians become confused? A. They get their wires crossed!Did you hear the jjoke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!Q. How does a spinal cord hammer a nail into the wall? A. with a spinal tap!

Q. What is an electrician's favorite kind of ice cream?
A. Shock-a-lot.

Q. What's another name for an electician's apprentice?
A. A Shock Absorber!

Q. What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A. A Volts-Wagen.

Q. What do electricians chant when they meditate?
A. Ohm...

Q. Why was the HVAC guy fired?
A. Management was uncool about his performance.

Q. Why did the air conditioning repairman quit his job?
A. The company wasn't cool enough for him.

Q. What did the frustrated homeowner in Arizona do when his air conditioner broke down again?
A. He vented his anger on the HvAC guy.

Q. Why did it take the nosey roofer so long to do his job?
A. Because he was always eavesdropping.

Q. What are the most common physical ailment of roofers?
A. Shingles, gutter rot, and hip replacements.

Q. What is a dog contractor's specialty?
A. Roofing.

Q. Where do roofing contractors go to relax at the end of a long week?
A. The Shingle's Bar!

Q. What did the homeowner have to do to the old roof that was always in need of repair?
A. He had to stay on top of it.

Q. Why did the replacement window installer decide to quit?
A. 'Cause the job was a real pane.

Q. How was business at the new window company?
A. They were experiencing growing panes.

Q. Why did the power tools salesman quit his job?
A. He saw no future in it.

Q. Why wasn't the construction of the spiral staircase going well?
A. Due to all the missteps.

Q. Why shouldn't you play poker with a plumber?
A. A good flush beats a full house any day!

Q. Why couldn't the plumber ever get a date?
A. Because he was a real drip.

Q. Why did the plumber always fall asleep on the job?
A. Because he work was so draining.

Q. What did the barefoot contractor get when he stepped on the electric fence?
A. A pair of shocks.

Q. What do sanitation engineers call alarmist concerns about dumpster hoverers?
A. A pack of flies.

Did you hear about the recluse who extracted gold without any hel? He liked to mine his own business!Q. What did the painter say to the wall? A. One more crack, and I'll plaster you!I used to be a road digger, but I got retrenched.

Q. What does The Incredible Hulk do to earn a living?
A. He flips houses.

Q. Who was the first carpenter?
A. Eve. She made Adam's banana stand.

Q. What did the blonde do after she assembled everything she needed to laquer the new bare wood table?
A. She finished it. DUH!

Q. What is the title of a trash collector’s memoir?
A. Dump and Dumper.

Did you hear about the new documentary about high-rise steelworkers? It was absolutely riveting!

Q. Why did they have to replace the furnace?
A. Because the one they had was not so hot.

Q. How did the couple feel when their new air conditioner cost more to operate than they estimated?
A. They were cool with that.

Q. How the old mason worker pass away?
A. He threw in the trowel.

Q. Which kind of building weighs the least?
A. A Lighthouse.

Old air conditioner repairmen never die, but they do lose their cool.

Q. What happens when a plaster delivery truck wrecks and spills a load during rush hour?
A. You get stucco in traffic.

Q. Why did the blonde contractor stick her finger in the ink bottle?
A. To get a blue print.

Q. Why did the handyman buy a new truck?
A. So he could tool around!

Q. Why haven't you heard the newest contractor joke?
A. Because it's still under construction.

New Construction point to ponder: Why is it called a building if it's already built?

Q. How does the military fuse things together?
A. They use soldiering irons.

Q. What is the motto of a caulking contractor company?
A. We Will Not Be Under-Sealed!

Q. What contractors call a climbing device with rungs that gets great reviews?
A. A ladder of recommendation.

They’d never put up wallpaper before, so it took them a while to get the hang of it.

Q. Who wrote the how-not-to DIY home renovating book, Remodeling Going Going Gone Wrong?
A. Rex King Ball.

Q. What is it called when road workers cover a surface with asphalt every four weeks?
A. Monthly pavements.

I didn't want to believe my roomate was stealing stuff from his road construction job, but when I got home all the signs were there.

Q. Why is dating so hard for steam-roller operators?
A. Because they're overly flattering.

Q. Why was the subway construction worker quit his job?
A. Because he developed tunnel vision.

Q. What do road construction crews use at the North Pole?
A. Snow cones.

Q. Why did the railroad construction fall behind schedule?
A. Because they needed to get back on track.

Q. Why did the old brick mason die while working up on the top of the building?
A. He was mortar-fied of heights.

Q. What happened after the spear was first invented?
A. It would be used from that point on.

Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain.

Old garbage men never die, but they do feel rather down in the dumps.

| Home Contractor Jokes | Home Sweet Home Humor | Electrician Jokes | Plumber Puns |
| Landlord Jokes | Locksmith Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Keyed Up Pick-Up Lines | Mechanic Jokes |
| Lawn Mowing Jokes | Garden Puns | Backyard BBQ Jokes | Furniture Jokes | Family Funs |
| Fireman Jokes | Military Jokes | Police Puns | Police Pick-Up Lines | Detective Humor |
| Job Jokes | Boss Jokes | You're Fired Jokes, Canned LOLs | I Quit! Job Jokes | Crap Job Jokes |
| Actor Jokes | Artist Puns | Astronaut Puns | Athlete Jokes | Author Puns | Baker Jokes |
| Banker Jokes | Barber Jokes | Bartender Jokes | Chef Jokes | Chemist Jokes | Cowboy Jokes |
| Dentist Jokes | Doctor Jokes | Eye Doc Puns | Farmer | Lawyer Jokes | Magician Puns |
| Musician | Optician Puns | Psychic | Scientist Jokes | Shrink Puns | Teacher | Weatherman |

PainfulPuns Home
You've nailed it this far, so here's even more wired humor,
jokes, and well-built painful puns to hammer home the laughs

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Blonde Jokes | Beer Jokes | Brass Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Crappy Puns | Furniture Jokes | Hipster Jokes |
| Light Bulb Jokes | Money Groans | Pirate Jokes | Pick-Up Lines | Saturday Night Jokes | Sax and Violins Puns |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Superman Jokes | Travel Jokes | Weed Jokes | Zombie Jokes |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Bartender Puns, Bar Humor Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns
Monstrously Funny Puns Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:
PainfulPuns at Facebook PainfulPuns at Twitter PainfulPuns at Pinterest

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com PainfulPuns.com Logo Man All rights reserved.