Q. What only works after it's fired?
A. A rocket!

Q. What happened after the security guard was fired?
A. He had to escort himself out of the building.

Laid Off Laugh of the Day: The boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me...

The boss at the pub approached the bartender and asked if he'd been sleeping with the waitress. The bartender said, "No." Boss replied, "Good. Then you go fire her."

Q. Why was the psychic surprised when she lost her job?
A. She didn't see that coming.

Q. What did the guy say after he was fired for dropping all the cue cards during the live TV broadcast?
A. Nothing. He couldn't hold a conversation.

A guy was wrongly fired from his stage manager job today. Class act that he was, he left without making a scene.

A guy was fired from his job at the US Postal Service. But, he'd also been working on the side as a stand up comedian. Looks like he'll really have to work on his delivery now.

Q. Why did the guy lose his job at the orange juice factory?
A. He couldn't concentrate, so they canned him.

Q. Why did the guy at the Pepsi bottling plant get fired?
A. He tested positive for Coke.

Q. Why did the stoner have to retake his drug test?
A. Because the results showed his blood type as THC+. The second test results were blood type THC-. so Dish Network didn't fire him.

Q. Why was the background vocalist fired from her job?
A. She hit a sour note.

Q. Why was the guy fired from his job at the bank?
A. A lady asked him to check her balance, so he knocked her over...

A guy was fired from his job at the zoo because a lot of animals died. But, the sign said, "Please do not feed the animals."

Q. Why was the amputee fired from the local garage band?
A. 'Cause he couldn't hold a note or carry a tune.

Q. Why did the band fire their drummer?
A. He hit a snare.

Q. How do you get two guitarists to play in perfect unison?
A. Fire one of them.

Q. What happens when a doctor gets fired?
A. He doesn't care anymore.

Q. Why was the judge fired after he lost his gavel arm in a car accident?
A. They said he had no right to pass judgement.

Q. Why did the guy fire his acupuncturist?
A. Because she was a back stabber.

Q. Why was the CEO of the recliner chair company fired today?
A. 'Cause he was just too laid back.

Q. Why did the upholsterer get fired from the furniture factory?
A. Because he couldn't chair less.

Q. What is it called when a garbage man gets fired?
A. Getting canned.

Q. Why was the weatherman fired during sweeps season?
A. Turns out, the news of a coming flood was leaked.

Q. Why was the barber fired from his job at Great Clips?
A. 'Cause he just couldn't cut it any longer.

Q. Why did the struggling mall hair salon fire the barber?
A. They were forced to to some crew cuts.

Q. Why did the fisherman try to get fired?
A. Because he just couldn't live on the net income.

Q. Why was the undertaker fired?
A. He made a very grave mistake.

Q. Why wasn't the guy fired from his job at the cement plant?
A. Corporate concluded that they didn't have concrete evidence to terminate him.

Q. Why was the HVAC guy fired?
A. Management was uncool about his performance.

Q. What did everybody think after the electrician was discharged from his job?
A. It was no big shock, since he always complained abourt how revolting the work was.

Q. Why was the photographer fired from his job with the National Parks Service?
A. He just didn't pan out.

Q. Why was the guy fired from the keyboard factory?
A. He wasn't putting in enough shifts!

Q. What is it called when employees gets fired from Apple?
A. Apple turnover.

Q. Why was the guy fired for putting in too many shifts?
A. Because he worked at AAMCO repairing transmissions.

Q. Why did the guy get fired from his job at the clock factory?
A. For all the extra hours he put in.

Q. Why was the clock repair guy fired?
A. He was always late to work and worked too slowly.

Q. Why was the baker glad he was fired from his job at Sara Lee?
A. 'Cause that job was no cakewalk, and he couldn't make enough dough.

Q. Why was the Hostess fired?
A. 'Cause she was a real Twinkie.

Q. Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A. Because she threw all the Ws away.

Q. Why was the blonde Hostess fired?
A. 'Cause she was a real Ding Dong.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the coffee house for wearing a T-shirt?

Q. Why was the chronic LSD user fired from his job at the chemistry lab?
A. 'Cause he kept dropping acid.

Q. Why did the guy get the boot from the shoe factory?
A. The boss claimed he just didn't fit in and that he was a loafer.

Q. Why did Payless Shoes fire the sandals salesman?
A. 'Cause he didn't toe the line.

Q. Why was the guy booted out of his job at the shoe factory?
A. Management said he had no sole.

Q. Why was the tailor trying to get fired from his job at Men's Warehouse?
A. Because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating, flatly de-pressing and just didn't suit him.

Q. Whhy did the factory fire the quilt maker?
A. Because her work was patchy.

Q. Why did First National fire the investment banker?
A. Because he lacked interest and maturity.

Q. Why did the accounting firm fire the bookkeeper?
A. 'Cause he lost his balance.

Q. Why was the investment banker fired from his job?
A. He lost interest.

Q. What happened after the guy who was fired from his job as a furniture upholsterer?
A. He never did fully recover...

Q. What did the tailor say after his client fired him?
A. Okay, suit yourself.

Q. Why was the butcher fired?
A. He kept playing with his meat in front of customers.

Q. Why was the guy fired from the Dinty Moore Stew factoy?
A. For Stroganoff in the back room.

Q. Why was the anti social guy fired from his job at the butcher store?
A. He just wasn't meating enough people.

Q. Why was the fisherman fired from his job with StarKist?
A. He just didn't catch on.

Q. What happened after the little person got fired from his low-paying waiter job?
A. He had a hard time putting food on the table.

Q. Why was Jesus fired from the Kosher deli?
A. 'Cause he cross-contaminated all the food.

Q. Why was the maid fired from her job at the church rectory?
A. For talking dirty.

Q. Why did the guy get fired for asking new customers if they prefer Smoking or Non-Smoking?
A. Because the proper terminology is Cremation or Burial?

Q. Why was the elevator operator given the shaft?
A. He wasn't able to handle all the ups and downs of the job.

Q. Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
A. 'Cause he was always a little short.

Q. Why was the baseball player fired?
A. 'Cause he just didn't catch on.

Q. Why was the teacher fired?
A. She had no class and had lost her faculties.

Q. Why was the guy fired from the calendar factory?
A. Because he took a week off.

Q. Why was The Incredible Hulk fired from his gig as a TV weatherman?
A. Because his forecast was always the same: Partly cloudy with a 50% chance of pain.

Q. What was the stoner Denver weatherman fired from his radio gig?
A. Because his forecast was always mostly cloudy with foggy patches.

Q. How did the preciouus metals company fire the miner?
A. They gave him the shaft.

Q. Why was the volcanlogist fired from the team of geolgists?
A. Because he was prone to blowing his lid, losing his cool, and bursting into eruptive arguements.

Q. Why was the lumberjack axed from his job in the woods?
A. Because he just couldn't hack it,.

Q. Why was the lumberjack fired for cutting down lots of trees?
A. 'Casue he saw too much.

Q. Why did Frontier Airlines fire the pilot?
A. Because he insisted on winging it, and just didn't have the right altitude.

Q. Why was the train engineer fired?
A. Management claimed he had a one track mind. .

Q. Why was the train conductor fired?
A. 'Cause he had a one track mind.

Q. Why was the race car mechanic fired?
A. His performance was poor, plus he had pit smell.

Q. Why did AAA fire the road emergency rescue driver?
A. He didn't tow the line.

Q. Why did the truck driver lose his jov delivering eggs?
A. Too many bumps in the road.

Q. Why was the guy fired from his taxi driver job?
A. Because people didn't like it when he went the extra mile.

Q. What did the boss at the trash collecting company say to fire the garbageman?
A. You're canned.

Q. Why was the guy fired from the muffler factory?
A. Because he was always so exhausted!

Q. Why is working at the Unemployment Office so depressing?
A. Because even if you get fired, you stiill have to come in the next day.

Q. Why was the telemarketer fired?
A. He had too many hang-ups.

Q. Why was the cheesy clown fired from the circus?
A. Because he couldn't get his Stilton.

Q. Why was the cheesemonger fired after his presentation about French goat cheese?
A. Because he just Banon and Banon and on...

Q. Why did the bearded captain fire the long-haired pirate?
A. He was forced to make some crew cuts.

Q. Why was the guy fired from his job at the gourmet coffee company?
A. The boss said he had no filter.

Q. What happened after the soft drink company CEO was fired?
A. He was soda depressed that he developed a Coke habit.

Q. What do cast members call the cheesy actor that the director just fired?
A. Canned ham.

Q. Why was the police sketch artist wrongly fired?
A. It was a case of mistaken identity.

I swear I will kill somebody if I am fired.
– A Bullet.

Q. Why was the police department artist fired?
A. His work was really sketchy.

Q. Why shouldn't you accept a job as a bullet?
A. 'Cause you'll certainly be fired.

Q. Why was the electrical contractor fired from his job at the prison for refusing to fix the electric chair?
A. He said it was a death trap.

Q. Why did the Fire Chief fire the rookie fire fighter?
A. Because the fireman was just such a burnout.

Q. Why did the guy get fired from the Farmer's Almanac staff?
A. For taking a day off.

Q. Why was the cleaning guy fired from the bank?
A. He cleaned out the vault.

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