- Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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Big Ape Asks: What do you call it when you pay off all your credit cards? A. A debt-defying act!
Q. How do you stop Hogzilla from charging? A. Take his credit card away!

Q. What did the calculator say to a pencil on Valentine's Day? A. You can always count on me!


Accounting Jokes, CPA Puns, IRS LOLs, Tax Humor
Balance the laughs with budget puns, interesting humor, and number cruncher jokes that count.

Accountant Jokes, Bookkeeper Humor, Budget Puns
(Because Balanced Jokes and Calculated Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When the Results Don't Add Up!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Billing jokes, red ink humor, black ink laughs and cooked book puns ahead.
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| You're Fired Jokes and Canned Laughs | I Quit! Job Jokes | Boss Jokes | Crappy Job Jokes |

Q. What do you call an accountant at a coffee company? A. A bean counter!Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget!Ape Asks: Did you hear about the CEO who dropped a brownie on his calculator? e was trying to fudge the numbers!

Q. Why did the accountant become a chef?
A. He was great at cooking the books.

Q. Why was the floundering seafood restaurant allowed to cook its books?
A. There's no accounting for taste!

Q. Why do hipsters make great tax accountants?
A. Because they come up with all the underground deductions.

Q. Why did the accountant run off and join the circus
A. Because he knew how to pull of a balancing act.

Q. Why did another accountant quit his job to join the circus
A. Because he was good at juggling the numbers.

Q. How do you know you've fround a great CPA?
A. He's not afraid to tell IRS jokes.

CPA Hookup Line: What are you doing on Saturday night? 'Cause I'm accounting on taking you out.

Q. Why aren't accountants ever invited to company pool parties?
A. Because they're required to report any shrinkage.

Q. Why do hippies make fantastic accountants?
A. 'Cause they're from a counter-culture.

Q. Why did the accountant contemplate jumping out of the office window?
A. 'Cause it's a cruel, accrual world.

Q. What did the accountant do that really livened up the office party?
A. He went home.

Q. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
A. The accountant knows he's boring.

Q. Why didn't the entrepanuer in Tennessee open his dream distillery?
A. 'Cause his accountant said that was a whiskey business investment.

Pick Up a CPA Line: Hey Girl, are you an accountant? 'Cause I'd like you on my payroll.

Q. How do you describe a fisherman's broken calculator?
A. Something fishy that doesn't quite add up.

Q. Why didn't the blonde accountant need a pocket calculator?
A. 'Cause she already knew how many pockets she had.

Q. Why do accountants have sex in front of their calculators?
A. 'Cause accountants always do it by the numbers.

Q. Why did the blonde accountant eat her calculator?
A. 'Cause she was a number cruncher.

Q. Why did the accountant quit his job?
A. He was tired of the constant balancing act.

Pick Up an Accountant Line: Hey big guy, is that a calculator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Q. Why is the accountng department such a great place to work?
A. 'Cause everybody there counts.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil!Raw data is meaningless, so always cook the results!Q. How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. If the light bulb needed changing, the market would have already done it!

Q. How do you know you've found a slippery tax accountant?
A. He advised you that Ex-Lax is a deductable moving expense.

Q. Why are accountants great lovers?
A. 'Cause they're really good with figures.

Pick Up an Accountant Line: Hey big guy, how'd you like to check out my bottom line?

Q. How do you say the F-word in CPA speak?
A. Trust me.

Q. What do locals call a bookkeeper who moonlights as a hooker in London?
A. A tally ho.

Accounting Hookup Line: Babe, how about we swap some liquid assets?

Q. Why did the blonde accountant go to a shrink?
A. 'Cause she suffered from depreciation.

Q. Why don't old accountants ever die?
A. Because they're so well-balanced.

Q. Why did the accountant quit his job?
A. His paycheck just didn't add up.

Q. What did the schizophrenic accountant tell his shrink?
A. I'm hearing invoices!

Q. What's the first thing a young accountant needs to learn about his personal finances?
A. How to act his wage.

Q. Why are CPAs such adventurous lovers?
A. 'Cause they're certified to do it in public.

Q. What is the recruiting slogan to attract students into the accounting field?
A. Be Audit You Can Be.

Accountant Chat Up Line: Hey Baby, looking in your books, I see you have room for a date-a entry.

Q. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. What sort of answer did you have in mind?

Q. How many CPAs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Hmm. How many did it take last year?

Q. Why was the blonde accountant removed from the office in handcuffs?
A. 'Cause she caught the building on fire while trying to cook the books.

Q. Why are CPAs so predictable in the bedroom?
A. 'Cause accountants do it by the book.

Q. What do accountants do to liven up an office party?
A. They bring along an economist.

CPA Come-On: Let's get out of here and appreciate each other's assets.

Skunk Says: The IRS left a message on my cell phone. It was a taxed message!Q. What do you get when you put the money you've earned and IRS together? A. THEIRS!Big Ape Says: You feel stuck with your debt when you can't budge it!

Q. How can you tell you've hired a great tax accountant?
A. There's a loophole named after him.

Accountant: After tax season, I just can't think straight.
Shrink: I see. That sounds like H&R Block.

Q. Where does a homeless accountant live?
A. In a tax shelter.

CPA Tip of the Day: A fine is a tax for doing wrong, and a tax is a fine for doing well.

Client: Why does the IRS call it a 1040 form?
Tax Accountant: For every $50 you earn, the government gets $40.

Sleazy Accountant Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet you didn't know having sex with me is considered a charitable deducton?

Short Form Chat Up Line: Hey baby, nice assets!

Taxing Accountant Come-On Line: Babe, you can list me as a deduction, 'cause I am dependant on your lovin'.

Q. Why do accountants dislike pre-tax income?
A. 'Cause it's gross.

Q. How did the tax accountant escape from prison?
A. He was really good at filing.

CPA Favt of the Day: Death and taxes are inevitable. At least death only happens once...

CPA Hookup Line: Are you a 1040EZ? 'Cause I'd like to fill you in.

Accountant Come-On Line: Baby, it's too taxing for me not to love you.

CPA Pick Up Line: Let's fill out that 1040. Your'e a 10, and I'm 40.

Accountant Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I'll help you screw Uncle Sam right after we do a test spin..

Accountant Pick-Up Line: Whoa baby, you're making my pants feel the need to file for an extension.

Q. What happens when accountants are left a loan?
A. They become very debt-icated.

Q. Why was the cannibal accountant arrested?
A. For buttering up the clients.

Q. How can you tell your CPA is a cannibal?
A. He charges an arm and a leg...

Q. Why should you think twice about dating an accountant?
A. 'Cause they're really into double entries.

CPA Pick-Up Line:Hey baby, did you know accountants always do it by the book.

CPA Chat Up Line: Hey fella, you should have taken me as a deduction because I am dependent on your love.

Q. Why did the accounting firm fire the bookkeeper?
A. 'Cause he lost his balance.

Old bookkeepers never die, but they do lose their figures.

Q. What do you call a personal financial dilemma? A. A Bill Pickle!Ape Asks: What do you call an investment that profits off sharehoulder activism? A. The feeling is mutal fund!A lot of money is tainted. Tain yours and it taint mine!

Kush Job Point to Ponder: It's 4:20. Do you know where your accountant is?

Q. What do you call accountants at a soy processing company?
A. They're known as a bean counters.

Accountant Chat-Up Line: Hey baby, are you a math teacher? 'Cause accountants always do it by the numbers.

Q. What didn't the CPA cross the road?
A. 'Cause accountants have no sense of humor.

Accounting Come-On Line: Babe, you make all my accounts receivable.

No Accounting Hookup Line: Hey, how about we do it double-entry?

Accountant Chat Up Line: I'm an incomplete ledger without you 'cause I need you to balance me out.

Accountant Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, how'd you like to count sheep at my place?

Q. Why are accountants so creative in the bedroom?
A. 'Cause they know how to do it without losing their balance.

Accountant Pick Up Line: Babe, if 4+4=8, then me + you = fate!

Q. Why is dating a female accountant so much fun?
A. She considers double entry the standard.

Q. Where was the perverted accountant pleasuring himself?
A. Between the speadsheets.

CPA Pick-Up Line: Are you looking for an accountant? 'Cause I'm fully certified.

Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two accountants arguing over a penny.

Old accounts never die. They're just deleted...

Pick Up a CPA Line: Hey fella, can you help me balance my sheets?

Q. What do you get when you cross an accountant with a large airliner?
A. A Boring 747.

Q. How can you tell your bookkeeper is an extrovert?
A. He looks at your shoes when she's talking to you, instead of her own.

Accountant Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you looking for a CPA? 'Cause I'd like to withhold you.

Q. Why did the accountant end up at the rehab center?
A. Due to solvency abuse.

Accountant Come-On: I've been monitoring you're body all night, and you are in fine standing.

Q. What value did Santa's accountant put on his sleigh?
A. Net Present Value.

Q. How did the old accountant die?
A. He closed the books.

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