Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Trout Says: If you have to pay to go up river, you should stop at the bank first!
A lot of money is tainted. Tain yours and it taint mine!
Big Ape Says: You feel stuck with your debt when you can't budge it!
Big Ape Says: Do you need to draw money? I could offer you a pencil!

Being unable to get help with refinancing made me a loan wolf!
Did you hear about the successful owner of a firewood business? He had money to burn!

 


Money Jokes, Bank Humor, Bankrupt Puns
Unlock safe money jokes, rich banking puns, liquidity laughs and priceless banking humor.

Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, Monetary Humor
(Because High Interest Humor and Costly Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're on a Tight Budget)
Warning: Withdraw with Caution! Interesting banker jokes, humorous assets, and debt-icated puns ahead.
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns, Money Funny! | Penny Jokes and Cents-Less Puns | 2 |
| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

Big Ape Asks: Why do bankers make great lovers? A. They know  the penalty for early withdrawal!Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest!Q. After the bank robbery, why did the owner buy cows? A. To beef up security!

Q. What's the problem with banker jokes?
A. Bankers don't think they're funny, and normal people don't think they're jokes!

Q. What is it called when a financier's pilot tilts his private plane to curve around?
A. High-level banking.

Future Financial Point to Ponder: If time is money, are ATMs time machines?

High Finance Hit Up Line: Hey baby, did you know bankers do it risk-free?

Finance Point to Ponder: Why is there always so much month left at the end of the money?

High Finance Fact of the Day: If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Banking Point to Ponder: Do bankers have their own interest at heart while discussing a loan with you?

Banking Pick-Up Line: Babe, how about we swap some liquid assets?

Q. What happened to the banking tycoon who fell overboard from his yacht during a typhoon?
A. He was okay because he knew how to float a loan.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Wanna get a drink sometime? I'm not a bank, but I need liquidity, too.

Q. What do you call a banker who is all by himself?
A. A Loan.

Q. Why did the blonde pawn shop manager take the customer into the vault?
A. For safe sex.

Q. Why did the banker like the television program?
A. Because he was invested in the story.

Q. Which kind of sweet does a banker keep in his suit pocket?
A. InvestMints.

Investor Pick-Up Line: Babe, you're like an avalanche of hotness – you make my debt snowball!

Q. What is an investment that profits off shareholder activism called?
A. The Feeling is Mutual Fund.

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?Black Cat Says: Old bankers never die. They just lose interest!Q. Why did the Post Office reall the stamps reaturing famous bankers? A. People were confused about which side to spit on!

Q. Why did God create economists?
A. To make weather forecasters look good.

Economist Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, you've got the curves to supply my demand!

Economist Pick-Up Line: Whoa baby, you raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding drop off in consumer enthusiasm.

Q. What did the economist say to his wife on their wedding anniversary?
A. Despite another decade of inflation, I still dig your supply curve.

Economist Hookup Line: Hey girl, how about we re-measure our cross-elasticity tonight?

Economist Hit Up Line: Hey baby, how about we raise housing starts together?

Economist Hook Up Line: Girl, further stimulus could result in uncontrolled expansion!

Economist Come-On Line: Hey babe, tell me whether my expectations are rational.

Colorado Economist Hit Up Line: Girl, you stoke the animal spirit of my market.

Old banker tellers never die, they just pass the buck.

Q. How did the old banker die?
A. He just cashed out.

Q. Where do vampires keep their money?
A. In the blood bank.

Q. Why is the Irish bank teller always so happy?
A. Because his capital's Dublin.

Did you hear about the bank manager who was also a high jumper? He spent most of his time in the vault.

Money Funny Groan of the Day: Whenever I get near my bank, I get withdrawal symptoms. OUCH!

Q. What do you call a very obese bank employee who is very intuitive?
A. A four-chin teller.

Banker Factoid: In business, reaching higher is good – unless it's a bank teller during a stickup!

Q. Why did the banker jump into the swimming pool?
A. He wanted to float a loan!

Q. How did Bernie Madoff get the idea for his ponzi scheme?
A. Social Security!

Q. What is a long term investment?
A. A short term investment that failed.

Q. Why was Noah the most successful investor?
A. 'Cause he floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation. 

Q. Who was the most successful female investor?
A. Pharaoh's daughter, because she went to the Nile bank and floated a prophet. 

Q. What do you call workers employed by big companies to appraise things?
A. Corporate raters.

Q. How do you describe the shady pharmaceutical executive's exorbitant profits?
A. Ill-gotten gains.

Q. What is the major cause of business failure?
A. Corporate money flaw.

Priceless Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Ape Asks: Why did the banker count his money with his toes? A. So it wouldn't run through his fingers!Some bankers are generous to a vault!Q. How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and one to try to sell it before it crashes!

Q. How do hail stones invest their money?
A. In a combination of liquid and frozen assets.

An investment banker used all of a guy's money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle. When the guy asked for it back, the banker told him to sit on it. Sounds like he's running a Fonzi scheme!

Girl on a First Date: What do you do for a living?
Guy: I am an investment banker by day, but an alien hunter by night.
Girl: Silly you, there are no aliens.
Guy: You're welcome!

Q. What sort of payoff did the mashed potato investor earn?
A. A lump sum.

Funny Money Point to Ponder: Isn't it ironic that only one company makes the game, Monopoly?

Sign above the bank teller's window: To Err is Human, to Forgive is Not Bank Policy.

Q. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A. Because they're always a wee bit short.

Q. How can you tell you have a really bad credit score?
A. Your bank won't even loan you a pen to fill out the loan application!

Q. What did the Wyoming bankers do after the bank was robbed?
A. They bought in cows to beef up the security.

Mile High Living LOL: My girlfriend and I went to the bank and opened a shared savings account, mostly for buying weed. It will be our joint account.

Personal Borrowing Tip: Always borrow money from a pessimist – because he won't be expecting it back.

A guy walks into an interest-free bank.
Guy: I would like to open an account.
Banker: Who the f*ck cares?

Q. What do stockbrokers say to each other when they want the other person to just shut up already?
A. Put a stock in it!

Q. When does a guy decide to become a stockbroker?
A. When he realizes he doesn't have enough charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q. How does a Wall Street broker define laughing stock?
A. Cattle with a sense of humor.

Q. Where do seagulls invest their money?
A. In the stork market!

Investment Banker Pick-Up Line: Babe, those really are some tangible assets.

The banker offered the hot blonde a great compliment. He said all her accounts have outstanding balances…

Investment Banking Pick-Up Line: If I had a dollar for every time I've thought of you, I'd be in a higher tax bracket.

Wolf Says: Fine print is usually a clause of suspicion!Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget!Q. How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. If the light bulb needed changing, the market would have already done it!

Q. What do you call a rep at a predatory refi company?
A. A loan wolf.

Financial Point to Ponder: Bankers might have their own interest at heart when discussing alone with you.

Q. Why did the banker take the blonde teller into the bank vault?
A. For safe sex.

Q. What does a savings account have in common with sex?
A. You lose interest once you make a withdrawal.

Sickening Money Joke of the Day: If you have unprotected sex with a banker, watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.

Q. Why is the banker learning chemistry?
A. He's got a lot of compound interest.

Q. What happened when her father handed the family business over to his daughter?
A. She succeeded.

Q. What do you call will sections covering family members?
A. Relative clauses.

Q. Which treat, that's stuffed with dough, are bankers very fond of?
A. ATM machine.

Q. What happens when accountants are left a loan?
A. They become very debticated.

Q. What do you call accountants at a coffee company?
A. They're known as a bean counters.

Q. Why don't old accountants ever die?
A. Because they're so well-balanced.

Banking Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, are you an accountant? 'Cause I'd like you on my payroll.

Q. How did the old accountant die?
A. He closed the books.

Big Biz Blunders: When the CEO dropped his brownie on the calculator, was he trying to fudge the numbers?

Q. How are hula hoop sales reported?
A. In round numbers.

Q. What do you get when you put the money you've earned and IRS together?
A. THEIRS!

Old accounts never die, they're just deleted.

A doctor walked into a bank full of anti-vaxxers. With a syringe in hand, he says, "Gimme all the money and nobody gets shot!"

Q. How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to try to remember the combination.

Q. Why was John Keats always hounded by creditors?
A. Because he Ode so much.

Q. What do you call a compliment to a charity organizer?
A. A solid foundation.

Q. Who always wins at zombie auctions?
A. The highest biter!

Banking Point to Ponder: Why is it that all you can buy for a dollar these days is nonsense?

Banking Pick-Up Line: If I had a dollar for every time I've thought about you, I'd be able to retire in style.

Q. What do consumers call new taxes being put on some imports and exports?
A. Tariffying!

Q. Where do people who don't trust banks keep their money?
A. In their secret cash cache.

Q. Why should you think twice about opening an account at the Bank of the North Pole?
A. Accounts are often frozen there.

| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns, Money Funny! | Penny Jokes and Cents-Less Puns | 2 |
| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
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| On the Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |

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