Q. How is the moon like a dollar? A. Both have four quarters!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Did you hear about the successful owner of a firewood business? He had money to burn!
Gorilla Says: If robbers break into my house to search for money, I'd just laugh and search along with them!
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget!
Gorilla Chef Asks: Why did the poor man sell yeast? A. To raise some dough!

 


Banking Humor, Money Jokes, Monetary Puns
Cash in on funny money puns, penny puncher humor, cents-less laughs and safe banker jokes.

Money Puns, Banker Jokes, Finance Humor
(Because Rich Banker Humor and Money Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream if All You Have is Monopoly Money!)
Warning: Buck Up with Caution! Inflated jokes, well-balanced humor, cents-less laughs and currency puns ahead.
| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns, Money Funny! | Penny Jokes and Cents-Less Puns | 2 |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

Gorilla Says: Money can't buy you happiness but, it does make misery a lot more pleasant!At the ATM, a woman asked if I could check her balance., so I pushed her over?Q. Why did a guy keep throwing monopoly money at the stripper? A. She kept putting fake boobs in his face!

Q. What did one penny say to another?
A. Money jokes are priceless!

Q. Why is dough a synonym for the word, money?
A. Because everyone kneads it.

Q. Why don't dogs like gambling or being in debt?
A. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Q. Do you want to hear another money pun?
A. Never mind, it makes no cents.

Money Point to Ponder: Without coins, would US currency be utter non-cents?

Q. What do you call the new ditzy new girl at the bank?
A. Nutella.

Cents-Less Point to Ponder: If that dumb guy had a nickel for every time someone said, "look at that asshole!," he'd certainly have enough money to patch up that hole in his pants.

Q. Why was the blonde broke?
A. Some guy said, "A penny for your thoughts."

Banker Pick-Up Line: Hey Rich, can I change your name to Cash? 'Cause I'm looking to put my money where my mouth is.

Q. Why did the robber take a bath before he held up the bank?
A. He wanted to make a clean getaway!

Q. What did the bank robber say during the holdup?
A. I am here to make a withdrawal.

Q. Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
A. Because they just take the money and run.

Q. What happened after the cat swallowed a coin?
A. There was finally some money in the kitty!

Q. What do fish use for money? A. Sand Dollars!Q. What do you call a personal financial dilemma? A. A Bill Pickle!Big Ape Says: Do you need to draw money? I could offer you a pencil!

Q. What do you get if you cross a predatory banker and a big fish?
A. A loan shark.

Q. How do dolphins make big financial decisions?
A. They flipper coin.

Q. What is a wordsmith's favorite money-making tactic.
A. Coining a phrase.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, good thing I just bought life insurance, 'cause my heart just skipped a beat.

Q. How did the dinosaurs pay their bills?
A. With Tyrannosaurus Checks.

Q. Which bank should you recommend to your deer friend?
A. The one that offers the most bang for the buck.

Q. Why are people who work at the U.S. coin mints so lucky?
A. Because they make a lot of money.

Banking Pick-Up Line: Hey there, the way you support free markets supports growth in my private sector.

Q. How can you tell you have a really bad credit score?
A. Your bank won't even loan you a pen to fill out the loan application!

Banking Pick-Up Line: Babe, you are finer than the print on my credit card agreement.

Q. How should irresponsible finaciers be dealt with?
A. They should be discredited.

Q. Where is the one place you can always find money?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why shouldn't you ask Yoda for money? A. Because he's always a little short!Q. What do you call a frugal coin making tool? A. Penny Puncher!If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Q. What did the counterfeiter name his new puppy?
A. Bill.

Q. What do you get if you cross a sorceress and a millionaire?
A. A very witch person.

Banker Pick-Up Line: Babe, I'm not actually that tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet.

Q. How do you know your eccentric husband is still a dedicated fan of Deep Space Nine?
A. His safe is full of gold-pressed latinum.

Q. What did the numismatists name their new baby girl?
A. Penny!

Q. Why don't some people understand jokes about Pennywise?
A. Because they couldn't get It.

Q. What did the broke coin collectors name their new baby boy?
A. Nickel-less.

Accountant Pick-Up Line: Baby, it's too taxing for me not to love you.

Q. Why did the blonde weight watcher consume a bill with Lincoln's image on it?
A. 'Cause that was dietary fiver.

Q. What happened to the guy who didn't have money to pay the electric bill?
A. That was the darkest time of his life.

Q. How does the cost of living affect the price of balloons?
A. High inflation.

Accounting Pick-Up Line: Babe, you make all my accounts receivable.

Q. Where do Alaskans keep their money? A. Fairbanks!Ape Asks: Why did the banker count his money with his toes? A. So it wouldn't run through his fingers!Fish Says: Whenever I go near my bank, I get withdrawal symptoms!

Q. What happened to the California bank during the big earthquake?
A. It went into default.

Q. Why did the miser put all his coins in the freezer?
A. Because he only wanted cold, hard cash.

Biz Pick-Up Line: I'm done being a sole proprietor, so let's form a partnership.

Q. What is the merciless vending machine's favorite money pun slogan?
A. Give no quarter.

Investor Pick-Up Line: Babe, you're like an avalanche of hotness – you make my debt snowball!

Q. Why did the grandpa pull out his coin collection again, after all these years?
A. For old dimes sake.

Investor Pick-Up Line: Babe, we should totally merge to avoid your acquisition by a third party!

Money Saving Tip of the Day: In Canada, you can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return it. Apparently, Canadians don't like Nickelback.

Did you hear about the bankrupt banker? Poor guy was generous to a vault.

Economist Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, you've got the curves to supply my demand!

Monetary Point to Ponder: What if the light at the end of the tunnel was been turned off due to budget cuts?

Q. Why is a river considered very rich?
A. Because it's got two banks.

Accountant Pick-Up Line: I've been monitoring you're body all night, and you are in fine standing.

Q. How are men like bank accounts?
A. One day they're up, one day they're down, but most of the time they show no interest.

CPA Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, you should have taken me as a deduction because I AM dependent on your love.

| Money Jokes, Coiny Puns, Capital Laughs and Interesting Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| Coin Jokes, Numismatic Puns, Money Funny! | Penny Jokes and Cents-Less Puns | 2 |
| Banker Jokes, Banking Puns, and Teller Laughs | Financial Jokes | Banker Pick-Up Lines |

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