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If Sherlock Holmes gave friends and family discounts, were they thankful for his deduction?
Relax. The handcuffs are tight because thy're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them for awhile!
The ciry was safer because of Dick Tracy's Crime Watch!
When I came out of te gym, a cop asked me where I got that body. I said, "I don't know, I just opened the trunk and whe was there!"


Jail Inmate Jokes, Crime Puns, Unlawful Laughs
Steal major crime laughs, big busted humor, petty criminal puns and rockin' jailhouse jokes.

Criminal Jokes, Jailhouse Humor, Busted Puns
(Because Criminal Arrest Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Surrounded by Illegal Cop Jokes!)
Warning: Robbery in Progress! Hot humor, stolen laughter, felon jokes, and criminally insane puns ahead.
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Explosion Jokes and Bomb Puns | Killer Humor |
| Traffic Cop Jokes | Detective Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns | Arresting Jokes | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 | Gun Jokes, Bullet Puns |
| Lawyer Jokes | Judge Jokes, Jury Puns, Courtroom Humor | Traffic Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Q. What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? A. The Defendant!Q. Where are neurons jailed if they commit a crime? A. A nerve cell!Q. Why don't the Borg go to prison? A. Because they obey the Lore!

Q. What do you call a message sent by an incarcerated criminal?
A. Context.

Q. Which new book is about overly passionate poets who ended up in jail?
A. Prose and Cons.

Q. Why was the doctor arrested?
A. He was caught trying to take somebody's pulse.

Q. Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A. For Fingering A Minor.

Police Pick-Up Line: Spread 'em!

Q. Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig?
A. Because he was a pigpocket.

Q. Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail?
A. Silly Con Valley.

Q. How is Facebook like jail?
A. You have a profile picture, you sit around writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't know.

Q. Which US president never deserved to go to jail?
A. Lincoln, because he's in a cent.

Q. When do bounty hunters try to hunt down illegal laughs?
A. When there are dental records.

Q. Why did the cop ticket the sheep?
A. Because she was a really baaad driver.

Q. What do you call a fruit that commits an egregious crime?
A. A water felon.

Q. What happened to the guy who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
A. He went to jail for Oolong time.

Q. How did the inmate get PTSD?
A. Cell Shock.

Q. Why was the building put in handcuffs?
A. It was a house arrest.

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm not here to bust you. I'm here for your bust.

Q. Why did the cops arrest a fellow pig?
A. Because he was an infamous hamburglar.

Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!Thieves were planning to rob the pot shop, but they had to case the joint first!Rappers, please stop putting police sirens in your beats. When I'm driving, it scares the crap out of me!

Did you hear about the carrot detective? It got to the root of every case.

Q. Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.

Q. What happened after a chef was murdered by being boiled to death in an industrial pasta cooker?
A. Police are still trying to al dente-fy a suspect.

Q. What does a strangler serial killer eat for dessert?
A. Garrote Cake.

Wurst Legal Joke Ever: People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

Q. Which kind of robbery is not dangerous?
A. A safe robbery!

Q. What is the difference between a thief and a church bell?
A. One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple.

Q. What did the priest say when he was pulled over for DWI?
A. Good Lord, he's done it again! I only drank water!

A publicity-seeking criminal said he swallowed a large amount of counterfeit coins to avoid being caught with them. It turned out, he was really full of non-cents.

Q. What do cops call a stolen object when it’s not where it’s supposed to be?
A. Found missing.

Q. What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint?
A. You get a sparking ticket!

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi?
A. A flame excuse.

Q. Do old arsonists ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their spark.

Q. Which criminal wrote the book, Life In Prison Is a Sentence, while learning to read?
A. Kyle Ian Slaughter.

Q. Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
A. Al Caprawn.

Q. Why did the dishonest bee banker go to prison?
A. Embuzzlement!

Q. What is the biggest differnce between Batman and a robber? A. Batman can go into a store without Robin!Q. How are a viola and a lawsuit alike? A. Everyone is relieved when the case is closed!Did you hear about the clever sleuth ophthalmologist? He closed the lid on this case!

Q. What do you call a robbery by a ghost?
A. A polterheist.

Q. Why did the cops arrest a Mallard duck?
A. He was suspected of being the infamous Robber Ducky.

Q. Why are burglars such good tennis players?
A. Because they spend a lot of time in courts.

Q. What did the cops say when the bank robbers on the lam were stopped by an automobile?
A. That's carma for ya!

Q. Why do inmates hate clock towers?
A. Because it's hard time.

Q. What was stolen from the music store?
A. The Lute!

A bank robber pulls out a gun and points it at the teller saying, "Give me all your money or you are Geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're History'?" The bank robber replied, "Don't change the subject."

After the same bank was robbed multiple times by the same perp, the FBI agent asked the bank teller, "Did you notice anything special about the man?" The teller replied, "Yes, he seemed better dressed each time."

Q. What is the perfect hair style for a gunslinger?
A. Bangs.

Q. Why was the parrot sent to prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. What do D.A.s call crimes that cops solve quickly?
A. Brief cases.

Q. Why couldn't the cops catch the toilet bandit?
A. Because they had nothing to go on.

Q. Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in the dentist's window?
A. It's against the law to pick your teeth in public.

Q. Why was the lid arrested?
A. It wasn't in Colorado.

Hulking Funny: What do you get if you pour cement on a burglar? A Hardened CriminalQ. What do you get if you cross Saint Nick and Sherlock Holmes? A. Santa Clues!Q. Where do cows get their weapons? A. At ar-moo-ries!

Incredible Trivia: The police label anyone who attacks The Hulk as 45-11, a suicide. OUCH!

Q. What is the name of Darth Vader's corrupt brother?
A. Taxi Vader.

Q. Why weren't the toilet paper thieves arrested?
A. The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.

Q. Why didn't the bald eagle on top of Pike's Peak think he'd be a suspect in the Cripple Creek crime?
A. Because he was above suspicion.

Q. Who wrote the police drama book, How to Solve a Whodunit?
A. Mr. E.

Q. Which day of the week do convicts especially look forward to?
A. Free Day.

Q. What do prisoners get for dessert at Easter time?
A. Jaily beans.

Q. What happened to the crook who was convicted of stealing a calendar?
A. He got twelve months!

Q. How can you tell you've had too much coffee?
A. You got a speeding ticket while you were parked!

Q. Why didn't the jail bird think he'd be a suspect in the latest crime spree?
A. Because he was above above it all.

Q. Which greasy thief steals meat?
A. The Hamburglar.

Q. Why didn't the goose in Denver think he'd be a suspect in the Wash Park crime?
A. Because he thought his shit don't stink.

Old burglars never die. They just steal away.

Q. Which sport entails rounding up and stealing cattle as a form of dramatic entertainment?
A. Professional rustling.

Q. Why was the little rubber duck arrested by the park police?
A. He was a bird-lery suspect.

Q. Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
A. For exceeding the feed limit.

| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes, Attorney Puns | Killer Friday 13th LOLs |
| Judge Jokes, Courtroom LOLs | Gun Jokes, Pistol Puns, Bullet Humor | Explosive Bomb Puns |
| Traffic Cop Jokes | Detective Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
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| Locksmith Puns | Magician | Musician | Plumber | Psychic Jokes | Shrink Puns | Tech Support |

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