Q. What do lawyers wear to court? A. Law Suits!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Where
do lawyers
for lunch?

A. At
the food court.

Gnome or nonsense or gnomer nonsense? U B da Pun Judge!

Q. What
do you call
a lawyer
with an
IQ of 100?

A. Your Honor.


Judge Jokes, Trial Puns, Court Humor, Guilty Grins
Bear witness to out of order puns, sworn LOLs, convincing evidence humor and not guilty jokes.

Jury Jokes, Courtroom Humor, Judge Puns
(Because Innocent Jokes and Guilty Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You're Trying to Get Off Jury Duty!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Tried and true jokes, innocent humor, guilty giggles and bare witness puns ahead.
| Judge Jokes, Courtroom LOLs | Gun Jokes, Pistol Puns, Bullet Humor | Explosive Bomb Puns |
| Detective Jokes | Traffic Cop Jokes | Cop Cuisine | Robber Jokes | Jail Jokes and Prison Puns |
| Barely Legal Jokes, Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes, Attorney Puns | Police Jokes, Cop Puns |

Q. What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to testify? A. Odor in the Court!
Q. What did the judge say to the dentist? A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
Stinking Funny Pun: Q. What did the judge say when skunks walked into court? A. Good morning, lawyers.

Lawyer: My client is clearly trapped in a penny.
Judge: How so?
Lawyer: He is in a cent.

Q. What is it called when a judge bangs his gavel and declares the defendant guilty early in the hearing?
A. Premature adjudication.

Q. What did the judge say when the compulsive junk collector's trial got out of hand?
A. Hoarder in the court!

Q. How can you tell if a judge is horny?
A. He tries really hard.

Q. Why was the guy sentenced to life in prison for a little insider trading?
A. The judge called it organ harvesting. OUCH!

Q. What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corntempt.

Q. What did the press call the case brought to trial by a vegan?
A. A plant-based beef.

Q. Why did the judge stop the business merger between Moron's and Duracell?
A. 'Cause he could not allow a salt and battery in his courtroom.

Q. What do you call a judge who is exceptionally honest?
A. Tried and true.

Judge: Have you anything to offer this court before I pass sentence?
Defendant: No Your Honor, my lawyer took every penny.

Q. How does a new judge learn who's innocent and who is guilty?
A. By a process of trial and error.

Q. What did the blonde say to the judge to get out of jury duty?
A. She argued that 12 jurors was unfair, 'cause that's 2 against 1.

The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness.

Q. What is
the one
thing that
never works
right when
it's fixed?

A. A Jury.

Q. Why was a locksmith summoned to testify in court? A. To present key evidence!

Q. Why did the lawyer call the grizzly to the stand?
A. So he could bear witness.

Q. What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth?
A. The wooden partition around the witness stand.

Judge: What do you have to say for yourself?
Cannibal Defendant: If you are what you eat, then I am the real victim here.

Q. Why did the jury find the courtroom masturbater not guilty?
A. He got off on a technicality.

Q. What is a group of peers, comprised of 12 well-endowed gentlemen, called?
A. A hung jury.

Q. What is the legal term for a jury that takes risks?
A. Juris-Imprudence.

Q. Why are joggers excused from jury duty?
A. Lawyers don't want to risk a runaway jury.

Psychic: I just got a jury summons. Friend: Again?
Psychic: Yes. That's the last time I conduct a seance in a courhouse.

Courroom Justice Groan of the Dy: A defendant was found not guilty of lying in court today. That's per the judge, not perjury.

Q. What did the jury have when a basketball player testified at trial?
A. Court-side seats.

Q. How did the trial for the wrought iron gate company go?
A. It was an open and shut case.

Q. How did the trial about the faulty windows go?
A. It was an open and shut case.

Q. Why did the blonde jury find Ester not guilty?
A. 'Cause Ester is in a scent! .

The judge, jury, and executioner walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "Table for one?" Guy replies, "Yes. Officer's discount."

Q. How can you make sure a dock gets a fair trial?
A. Have the case decided by a jury of its piers.

Q. Why did
the criminal finally
get wise?

A. The judge threw the
book at him.

Q. What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit? A. The Defendant!

Q. How
did the jury
find the

A. Grill-ty as

News Flash: A man died in a courtroom today after the judge threw the book at him. He was sentenced to death.

Q. Why did the book police visit the courthouse?
A. Because all the sentences were too long.

Q. How do you describe a crazed judge who sentences defendants insanely quickly?
A. Judgemental.

Q. Why are burglars such good tennis players?
A. Because they spend a lot of time in courts.

Q. Why wasn't the Colorado brew chemist convicted on hopped up charges?
A. The jury wasn't convinced beyond a shadow of a stout.

Q. What did the legal team call the happy ending of a stoner court case?
A. Joint resolution.

Q. Where are you if you're drunk before a sitting judge?
A. At bar.

Arresting Courtroom Point to Ponder: Why is it called manslaughter when a guy kills his wife?

Q. What did the hamburger say when it pleaded not guilty?
A. I've been flamed!

Q. What did the baliff say when the judge entered the courtroom for the bread baker's trial?
A. All rise.

Q. Why did the jury find the defenant who ate fried testicles guilty of canninalism?
A. They rejected his testes-mony.

Q. What is brown and sits in the corner of the courtroom?
A. Jury doodie.

Q. What is a lawyer's favorite day of the week? A. Tries Day!

Q. Which
type of underwear
do judges

A. Legal briefs.

Q. What did the dentist say to the judge in court? A. You can't handle the tooth!

Legal Point to Ponder: Aren't lawyers in the courtroom being judged, too?

Q. How is attending a Bar Association meeting like going to a bait shop?
A. There is an abundance of worms, maggots, nightcrawlers, and suckers.

Q. What did the owl say to the judge?
A. I'm talon you, I am innocent.

Q. How did the trial for the wrought iron gate company go?
A. It was an open and shut case.

Q. Why didn't the guy who took all the shirts off the GI Joe dolls go to jail?
A. 'Cause the judge said he had the right to bare arms.

Boob Tube Point to Ponder: Are courtroom dramas lawsome?

Q. When is an English teacher like a judge?
A. When she hands out long sentences.

Q. What do high-priced attorneys wear to court?
A. Expensive Lawsuits.

Today's News Brief: A courtoom artist was arrested during the trials. Details are sketchy. Stay tuned for more at 10 P.M.

Judge: Why did you steal that bird?
Defendant: It was just a lark.

Q. What was the judge's usual order at the bar?
A. Just ice.

Q. What sentence did the judge hand out to the habitual board game thief?
A. Life.

Q. How did the clever blonde lawyer sway the judge?
A. She dropped her briefs before court.

Today's Court Order: Those who committed audacious acts shall remain shameless.

Q. What did the smug doctor say to the judge?
A. You're trying my patients!

Legal Brief: There are two kinds of lawyers – those who know the law, and those who know the judge.

Q. How did the trial against the defective door manufacturer go?
A. It was yet another open and shut case.

Q. Why didn't the guy who took all the arms off the Teddy bears go to jail?
A. 'Cause the judge said he had the right to bear arms.

Q. What is the legal term for two cats in a courtroom?
A. Purr-jury.

Q. Which is the only US president who was never guilty?
A. Lincoln. He's in a cent.

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